the tears
are the worst part
of depression.

the choking
the little sobs that sneak out
making you feel         p a t h e t i c .

you wipe your eyes
rubbing them raw
and wait for them to stop leaking.

though
it
takes
a
while
.

Sometimes I let the wrong people kiss me. And sometimes I let them unbutton my pants. Sometimes I walk in to math class late with out a care in the world. And sometimes I walk for hours until my feet start to blister up and and I can feel the blood rushing underneath my skin rising to the surface. But that doesn't matter. Because sometimes I sit in the rain and cry. And I sleep all day and sometimes I stay up all night.

Sometimes I listen to my music way to loud. I can hear my ear drums crying for help. Sometimes I drink so much alcohol I can feel it intertwining with my veins mixing it's own concoction of blood. Sometimes I get so drunk so I can call you but I still never have enough courage to.

Sometimes I cry while I read books. Sometimes I cry while I watch movies. Sometimes I pretend not to care even though that's all I can do. Sometimes I like to dress up and think I'm a little girl again, because I grew up way to fast. Sometimes I hold myself at night because your not here to do it, but I'm starting to realize that it will never happen again.

Sometimes I hate being a girl.

Sometimes I like to think I'm dead when I alive