she is all but
gone from me now

sitting quietly in her chair
a mix of memories
and medications

she used to be fierce
and bigger
than her four foot nine inch frame

but now bones and flesh
fall and curve in
gnarling hands and feet
making  her skin
look and feel like a letter
read a thousand times

her voice once so rich and strong
once full of opinion and humour
is now but wind
sighing through ever present pain

I miss the quickness
of her wit the most,

But I miss the mothering more.

Time has reversed our roles
and the decisions are all mine now...

She has out of sheer weariness,
having battled so long, for so hard

aceded her will
to the slow walk of dementia


She sits quietly in her chair
memories gathered
about her, as her companions

Some days it is like I am not here
and others,
she is not there

The days we meet
in passing....
or for a a good while
are gifts that shine bright
at least, in my saddened mind

On the other days,
I hope and pray...
she finds herself
amongst friends
in happy times...

as she wanders slowly away from us

In all those moments I thought it was over,
I felt happy,
like the family was finally whole again.

I now realize,
it wasn't over at those times.
It was just hidden from me.

It has escalated to the point,
that they are willing for me to hear.
I just sit there confused.

In the thoughest of times,
They will always be there for me,
but not for eachother.

For at once I thought my family was whole,
Though I have come to realize,
There is a hugh hole...

*...and that's not what I wanted.

SPEAK

ONLY

WHEN

YOUR

WORDS

ARE

BETTER

THAN

YOUR

SILENCE !!

The anyway gets in every way anyway and it's just an excuse anyway, a bit like the night saying sorry to the day which as we all know anyway is a crock,
anyway I want to walk away from saying anyway every day if only to save my sanity and sense of self worth although none of that matters anyway.

Erm, anyway erm is another way to make an excuse for the improper use of the language erm spoken word erm written word anyway you know what I mean erm I hope so.