My mind is darker than the deepest corners of the night,
Fragile,
Ready to shatter when a single beam of light slices through it.
I am not ready for that beam of light.
I am wandering blindly through the darkness,
No sense of direction,
Only the deep and quivering breaths from my chest
And the stinging tears that burn my face.

I have fought a battle
Between happiness and sadness
And it is clear that sadness prevails.
The blades are out
They slumber in the little white case in my top drawer.
I have tried and tried again to ignore its devious presence
But now I found myself falling for its painful intimacy once more.

My dark mind has been dormant for too long,
And I am left cold, naked and ashamed on the concrete floor of my innermost hatred.

Long walks, sad talks. Forever dreams, sad as they seem. Bright smile, depressed style. Shining eyes, hidden behind long hair. Scared girl, mad dad.

You cant leave her out. Don't shut anyone out.

Funny girl, dark secrets. Arms covered in scars. Face covered in bruises. Hidden with makeup.

Long lies, short excuses. Struggling girl, successful man, coming to take her hand. Long nights, short time.

She struggles from the trauma.

Long fights, short nights. Cut even shorter.  

She tried and tried to breathe. But he was just too strong.

Long fight, takes flight. Another angel up in heaven tonight...

Will this worry you?
Trust me, I am being truthful.

What if I left you, love?
Will you miss me?
Does it break your heart a little when you think about it?

Is there even anyone else in the world who'd share your lovely mornings with you?
Drinking coffee?
Snuggling under the covers?
Morning pillow fights?

Hmmm, what about in the afternoons?
Who will visit you at work?
Who will mess with you - while you work?
Does it make you tear up a little, if I left you now?
Who will make you laugh endlessly?
Tickle you while you cook a desired dish?
Throw popcorn at you during a movie?

Let's not forget the end of the day.
Who else would be lying beside you as you both watch the stars?
Who would kiss you passionately giving their every warmth to you?
Who would gaze at you intensely with their silver, soft eyes?
And who else would share the endless night with you,
like we always do...?

Please do tell me who else in this immeasurable place..
could ever love you the way that I always have?
You should tell me also if there is anyone in existence..
that would risk their life to die just to save yours?

Answer these please.
So that I can have an absolute reason to let you go,
because right now it really does hurt too much inside...♥

Your kiss would do it
Just one
Is that too much?
It's all I've been waiting for
All my life
The softest touch of your soft lips
The feel of your tongue
What the universe was made for
Your kiss
Your lips pressed against mine
Ten seconds to define our entire existence
Is that too much?
Let me slow down
Forget the universe
Lets rediscover ourselves
I belong with you
You belong with me
And everything else that follows
Does that work instead?
Now about that kiss
I've craved it to a point where I ache for it
Is that too much??
Ok then let me come out straight
I think we are at a point
Where kissing is the only thing
Only sane thing that would lead to my insanity
Get me drunk enough to be sober again
Hear me out love
One kiss
That's all I ask
One kiss to save the world
For I might just lose it
But if you feel it's impossible
Then just say it's too much
And I''ll go kiss her instead.

(Kathmandu, Nepal 7/5/2013)

I can't tell
if it's the lack
of sleep
or the lack
of human contact
that makes me
feel the way I do

but somehow
of all feelings
i feel empty

like the cigaret pack that used to be full
lying on the balcony table
or the bottle of gin
that do not seem
to notice
how tonight again
i didn't feel a thing

But if I speak aloud and say:
I will move on
Things seem more lifted
But if I think internally and say:
I will not forget you
Time seems to turn into my mistakes
They repeat for 24 hours
And I'm in the same spot
I started in

So many days
Are they numbered?
Of course
Is the obvious answer
But is it that simple?
I'm curious how the days were
Before time
Before creation
The eternity
Before eternity
No gadgets
To measure time
No light
No darkness
Nothing
Feelings?
Nope
Senses?
Nope
ANYTHING?!
No.
How were days then?
How can we measure a day
Split into smaller numbers
Seems smaller
Yet larger
We can't move through time
Because we first need to move through a second
But to move through a second
We need to move through a half-second
And to move through a half-second
Well
You know.
But somehow we do.
It's impossible
According to logic
So how do we do it?
Time is relative
So in a time without anything
We have an eternity all at once
Forever
In our minds
Within a second
Infinitely old
Yet infinitely young
Infinitely mature
With no maturity
Our feeble human minds cannot fathom eternity
Or can we?
You tell me.
I have time.
...
An eternity, in fact.

.    sleep: no
   awake: no
         life: no
     death: no
is there
anything
in between
we're able
to agree on?
               : no