You taste just how
the navy blue sky
looks at 6 am in the summer,
just before it's washed away
by a muted gray

On the tip of my tongue,
At the edge of your bed,
you are alive with
brimming electricity &
knee-deep hues

But you are always
seconds from
fading away

And as you descend
I turn down the lights
to find you shining
under ground
But I never know
for sure when
I'll taste
navy blue
again

"What's the date?"
"March 24th."
"..."

I watched the light drain from your eyes
and your fingers stop moving over the page.
Suddenly, I knew.
A year.
It's been a year.
****.

"I don't think I'll be here Thursday or Friday."
"And that's alright."

You looked up.
I looked down.
Away and back at you.

"That's alright."

As I took your hand,
I felt the final crack in my heart
stitch itself together.
It was an understood
I'm here for you.
I hope you saw it in my smile.

Its been a year today,
And while you've been gone
I've looked at your picture on my mirror everyday.
When you died,
Something happened to me.
I went to back to my classroom after they told me
and took a pair of scissors from my teachers desk.
Nobody saw, nobody would know.
And I walked to the bathroom as calmly as I could,
And I went to the last stall,
And locked it.
There, yes, good. Nobody will know
I looked around at the beige colored tiles
and I couldn't catch my own breath anymore.
Everything seemed so bleak.
I asked myself, "I wonder if he regrets it?"
But alas, no answer.
There, yes, good. Nobody will know
Before I went into the bathroom,
I was sobbing
And playing out whether or not I should run out of the building
And get hit by oncoming traffic.
I decided against it.
Not because I wanted to live,
But because my best friend was holding onto me
And my blackened tears were already stained onto her shirt.
I couldn't leave like that.
No, I would do it later
Even my own girlfriend didn't make me happier.
But that's the thing,
You cant fill a hole in your heart with another person.
It only works for a little while,
And alas, I was still so depressed.
There, yes, good. Nobody will know
I wore makeup that day,
And my teacher took her antidepressants
in front of me.
She wouldn't tell me why,
Because then she would have started sobbing.
But I knew his empty seat was
so much more than an physical absence that day.
Something felt different in the air,
And it was so cold.
You could feel it everywhere,
Even before everyone knew.
There, yes, good. Nobody will know
As I looked down at my wrist,
I pressed down to where i had made lines only just a few days before.
I needed more lines,
I deserved more lines.
Somehow I made everything that happened into my own fault.
And I cut once,
And twice,
And then I stooped.
I looked up and heard some girls calling for me,
Some girls I didn't really know,
But they were concerned.
As they started towards the stall I was in,
I scrambled to hide the scissors.
I was so ashamed.
I rolled down my sleeves,
And opened the stall door.
As they opened their arms,
I wept.
I had cried so much that day,
I wasn't sure I was 70 percent water anymore.
There, yes, good. Nobody will know
I looked around as I followed them into another classroom.
And I talked with my friends.
And I made up the saying "Juan is light" in Spanish.
And that day,
I had made a promise to not only myself,
But you.
I would never harm myself again.
And today, I am proud to say that no matter how hard life has been
(especially of late)
And how much I've wanted to see the blood drip
from my wrists,
I have kept my promise.
And I plan on keeping of forever for you, Juan.
I hope everything is okay whenever you may be,
Thank you for everything.
You will always be remembered.

"I guess he switched the straight flip in her brain"
*NO NO NO ******* LOOK MAYBE IM NOT OKAY WITH WHATS GOING ON BUT HER HAPPINESS IS MY ONLY CONCERN SO ******* FOR EVEN THINKING ABOUT SAYING SOMETHING SO DELUSIONAL AND ******* ALL FOR EVEN THINKING THAT. HOW DARE YOU, NONE OF YOU WILL EVER EXPERIENCE THE LOVE THAT WE HAD IN YOUR LIVES IF YOU KEEP THINKING SO SHITTILY SO *******.

Never break a poets heart, she'll turn her sadness into art.
Dust and ashes you tore me apart.
Gave you my soul and you sealed my scars, I thought I'd let down my guard.
Broken to see you didn't love the real me, drunk in jealousy.
Fought for you but now I'm through - tears that burn, a lesson to learn.     You're nothing but a memory don't you see you're better off without me.
Depression returns, it earns to take control over my shattered soul.
Tight breathing I've lost feeling, no more concealing.
Twinge, torture of a familiar blade to no longer remember your name, a waste of talent written in a book but taken by a hook ... And a rope, to tie around a throat - pull.
Breathe - breath - death.

Hips like knives
That can cut like heartbreak