why do I need to understand you so badly

I feel as if I've known you forever --
your lips, your hands, your heart.
What is this? Who are you?
A past Love? A past Lover?
From where did you come
   and why show up now?

If it makes you feel better,
I'll forget how blissful it was,
to hear you speak my name.
I'll pluck the petals off every single
flower I've ever received.
I'll forget all the times I've wanted
to bury my face in your chest and scream.
I'll forget how badly I always needed you.

I'll find a new favorite scent.
Your cologne won't make me forget how to breathe.
I'll find a way to mask the love in my eyes if we speak.
If it makes you feel better,
I won't love you.
If it makes you feel better,
I'll probably never love again.

Take pride in your power over me.

Like a moth to flame,
I sizzled and died, so quickly.
After months of happiness, I plummeted from cloud nine-
Your very essence fueled me;
I'm replacing you with nicotine,
hoping my yellowing nails will
distract me from the loss.
-our separation has become comparable to swallowing daggers-
You took all the faith I had in us,
and used its weight to crush me.
Now I'm stuck, choking on
what could have been,
and praying that it still could be.

It's been a day since we parted.
There is a hole in my chest.
Last night, I slept with
the teddy bear he surprised me
with on Valentine's Day.
Worse yet, I'm wearing the necklace,
he gave me for my birthday.

There are remnants of him, everywhere.

On Monday, I'll have to see him in class,
and act like I'm not broken without him.
Act like I don't want him back.
Hold back tears so he doesn't see.
And to think I swore against crying over boys.

He wants to be friends; I want to be his.

Just a few months ago we were cuddling in his bedroom,
now I'm stuck sulking in my own.
I miss the taste of his lips,
and the feel of his skin,
and the look in his eyes,
back when I set a fire in his heart.
But yesterday he snuffed out
the remnants of a dwindling flame.

I would rather lust and want
For then I can control it

But to have it
More than I need
Always having it

Will make me hate,
What I once wanted

Only to lust and lose again.

For weeks, I watched you. You looked like ****. Still do, but it's better now. Your eyes aren't as dark, your face isn't as red. Yeah, you still look like ****. And it's obvious you're pretending to be alright. Unfortunately, everyone can see it. You're transparent and you don't even know it. It's painful to watch... so I decided not to.

i want to disappear into the sun and plant myself in the soil that surrounds me
i wish to grow like a flower and to hum like the bees that pollinate the world around me
i know i will be more than just a girl with flowers in her hair
i am a part of nature, i am God's creation