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Everyone is fake.

*I just want to find someone real...
Are you real?
- - -
(If you get the title, I love you.)
Really,
we're just tourists to this big world we live in.
I deal with problems
In a funny way
and maybe it's because I'm selfish but
My own problems
devour me
If someone I care about
"Burdens" me (as they would say)
with their problems
It sort of drowns out my problems
Which is a good thing
Because no matter how loud I scream
No matter if I have shrieked in terror, loathing, and misery
Until my throat is raw
At my problems
I. Can. Still. HEAR. THEM.
But to hear of someone else’s life
That is far worse than I could ever imagine
It drowns out those voices in my head
…but last time
I didn’t handle it well.
That was my fault
I should have been trustworthy enough
Not to make it worse
I should have been a good friend
But I WASN’T! I KEPT HER COMPANY IN HER PRISON CELL, THE ONE SHE CALLS HER MIND
AND THAT WAS MY FAULT I WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THAT
I should have anchored myself to the shore
And kept her alive, and above the surface
In the light
But I didn’t
I just drowned with her
Down in the darkest depths
I just dragged her down farther
And I will admit
At the moment
I am not on shore
But I am not in an ocean, like her
I am treading water
In the nearest lake
And after last time, I don’t blame her for a second for not telling me
I don’t deserve to be trusted
But last time we were both in the ocean
I think I just have trouble handling it when we are both in the same type of trouble
This time
I am just struggling to stay afloat in a lake
Lakes are nice
Less of a big deal
I’m fine
Really
I will have good days and bad days in this lake
But really, I’m fine
Now that she has trusted me enough
To tell me her problems
If she is in an ocean
And I am in a lake
There is a stretch of land between us
If knowledge of secrets are chains
Running from her, to shore, to me
Then maybe I can help to keep her afloat this time
I will keep her afloat this time
I promise I will
I hope that she can trust me enough
From now on
To tell me her problems
Because this time is different
There is always potential
For it to get dark again
But that is only
If I learned absolutely nothing from last time
And I promise I certainly learned a lot
I can handle it
It hurts me far, far more
To not know what is bringing her down
It breaks my heart to think
She is afraid to dump all her problems on me
Because I want her to dump all her problems on me
It drowns out my own
And it makes me aware
And I just want to help her
I really just want to help her
Not like last time
I want another chance
To be trusted with everything
The way it used to be
To be trusted with all of the burdens
Because this time
I won’t ***** it up
I won’t let the burden crush me too
It’s like if someone hands you 30 pounds
You might fall if you weren’t expecting it
But this time
I know to expect it and how to not let it crush me
Please
I just want to be trusted
To have learned enough not to let it just get dark again between us
I want to be trusted with all the burdens
Because I can take it
It won’t  trigger me
I understand if you keep things from me
And I will never be angry with you for it
But it hurts me so much more
Not to know
Please trust me again.
Please.
please.
I can sneak around a house without making a sound
I could be a burglar (except I have no desire to ***** up other peoples lives and be a thief violating their homes and stealing their stuff but aside from that...)

I can bluff really well in board games and cards

I can smoothly slip things into my pocket without anyone noticing

I can hold grudges. forever
literally.
Just a couple more of my sinful talents. Please feel free to add to the series! As long as you make the title of your poem "Sinful Talents (series)" and include the hashtag sinfultalents then I will repost your poem :)
Me when I'm ******:

Stage 1: Politely nodding and smiling. Thinking: Omfg shut up.

Stage 2: Staring at them blankly. Thinking: I'm gonna **** myself.

Stage 3: Clenched jaw and glaring. Thinking: I'm gonna **** YOU

Stage 4: Completely lost it, revving chainsaws (no accident that I pluralized chainsaws) and burning **** down, the town is in ruins and I am evilly cackling insanely and raiding chocolate stores. *Thinking: MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
no. I do not have anger management issues. now ******* before I stomp you into the ground and chase you with a sledgehammer

lol if anyone wants to do one like this about their stages of pissedness I'd love to read it ;)
Dear Dexter,

All of your poems are filled with hatred with a deep underlying pain. You convey messages of undeserved hurt through your poems so well I am hurting with you.

Every poem is beautiful, no matter how dark the subject. There is even a beauty to the raw, ugly ones that show truth.

I chose a few of my favourite lines and responded to them.

“Everyone was so consumed in their own sadness that they failed to notice mine.”

You have been noticed. All of your poetry is amazing, but it breaks my heart. I can relate to your feeling of being overlooked. When everyone has their problems and you try to say something about yours, but no one has the time to here them and eventually you just fade into the background. No one has to be entirely alone. even if you only reach out to people on hello poetry, there are people here, myself included that care a lot about other people’s pain and through poetry you can feel it so much clearer than you can in conversation.

“Your self worth
runs even deeper.”

You make a poem about self hate sound hopeful with these lines. It is supportive and beautiful.

”because how do you tell someone 
who has never shed a drop of blood in 
their life,
that every part of you is bleeding.”

These lines break my heart. They are so full of pain and truth. It is really astounding poetry.

“because no matter 
the number
on the scale, 
you will still
call me at 3am,
begging for a 
reason to live.”

You capture the human nature so well. We have feelings that run deeper than instincts, think beyond logic and explanation, but when it comes down to it, we still have a survival instinct, that begs us not to **** ourselves.

“Stop making the hurt you feel sound cool and trendy. 
Tell the world what it's truly like
because lately people have sewn the words 
"Beauty" and "pain" into a cute little pink sweater in white lace.”

These words are so true. It seems like everyone is romanticizing pain, instead of discouraging people to follow in those footsteps.  I know that there is no one in the world who would wish this upon their little brother or sister, son or daughter, friend, any relative. It is a pain no one should experience and it should never be advertised. I think you capture this in your poem/rant very well.

Dexter,

I feel your pain, you cynicism about the world, your hope that shows up even in some of the darkest of poems. I don’t know you except from your poetry, but it seems that life has been cruel. I sincerely hope that life decides to stop being such a ******* and turns around for you, soon. I believe that things will get better, for anyone who suffers anything, if you give it a chance. I think you have waited long enough and deserve something good now. You are a good person, you care about others, I can see it in your poem, Pain isn’t Beautiful which is entirely true and I have seen people making pain seem desirable. Your words ring truth and support for people who are suffering. Keep writing.

Love,
Ena
For those of you who have not read some of Dexter's work, you definitely should.
είσαι όμορφη
σαν μια ανοιξιάτικη μέρα
είσαι όμορφη
σαν τη θάλασσα
και υπόσχομαι
ότι δεν ψεύδομαι
τουλάχιστον όχι στα ελληνικά
Yeah it's Greek. You can google translate it if you want to know what it says.
I have been told
That I have to learn how to smile
Because I have been using it in the wrong way
I thought it was to tell people you are okay
Even if you aren't
Apparently it is to show people
You are happy
idk
Depression, self-hatred
It seems everyone is affected by it
Whether personally
Or if it is a family member
Or friend
Sometimes people don't even know
They are affected by it
Why is their brother so drawn away?
Why does their mommy not want to get out of bed?
Depression cannot always be prevented
But it can be beaten
With love
If you show people you care
They realize
No matter how one it takes
That they make a difference in someone's life
And that can be enough
To save them from taking their own
So please
Show people you love them
And care about them
Try not to be cold to people
Because you don't know what they are dealing with
And that sneer you give them
Could be the last straw
The one that breaks the camel's back
And all their strength and willpower
Comes crashing down
Smile
Give people something to hold on to
Until they can find Hope
Just showing someone you care can help. It is important to show your love for your friends and family, but it can be just as important to show someone you don't know that you care. Smile at someone in the hallway at school, or when you pass someone in the office. If you are too shy one way to do this before you get you confidence up is complete Ember Evanescent's DearBlankChallenge, which everyone can and should do. To learn about this search #dearblankchallenge and read the description.
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