it doesn't matter it's fine he is worth nothing to me I can let him go I wish I had just shut up no I don't miss him God I miss him no I miss the idea of him he was nothing special I am never going to learn why am I so overdramatic and pathetic I get stupid after midnight I hate life no I don't I just hate myself yeah that's fair enough I don't know what's wrong with me why did I text him during one of my broken moments there is something wrong with me I hate everything but mostly myself and him but I don't hate him no I really DO hate him I loathe him why did I waste my time I am a pathetic loser why I am I doing this to myself I can't escape my own head I hate everything why do I keep saying that I am getting sick of hating everything why does he have to exist I should ****** him with a chainsaw oh yes I would enjoy that oh wait that's illegal okay why am I spending so much time on it I should really be doing work right now I am really stupid okay I have accomplished nothing today I am just an option for him I am just another pathetic little ego boost I hope he dies alone I hope he is okay he is not okay I am not okay I am not okay I am not okay omfg what if wrong with me why do I have to be this dumb he is damaged from the divorce of his parents so he is being a ******* and acting out, maybe that's it maybe he will change NO. don't think like that he will not change ever don't expect him to why do you like him anyway I don't like him I don't like him well I kind of do I don't know what I'm thinking I can't breathe he would never give me a second look and I don't want him to except I want him to so I can break him but he won't I am worthless.

Well.
That backfired.
Thank you though,
For telling me about all the **** you got into
All that crap you've done this year
Because it makes it so much easier
To let you go.
Thank you for telling me you miss me, and that I am beautiful
Then telling me you are with a girl
In the same f!cking text conversation
Because it makes it so much easier
To convince myself I could never trust you
If this is how you treat the girl you are with
Behind her back
Thank you for telling me all about how worthless you are
Because I couldn't agree more.
Thank you.
For making my summer a little more interesting
Thank you for at least telling me a couple pretty lies
Even if I knew they were lies
At least they were pretty
Because boys don't usually give those to me
Thank you for wasting my time
So now I appreciate how precious it really is
Thank you
For making me realize
You are nothing special
Like I used to think you were.

Yeah, I do have an image in my mind of a "perfect man"
few girls don't,
but here's where I differ,
I don't want perfect.

In my opinion, the girls who everyone thinks are shy and angelic are the crazy ones sweetly staring at people they hate thinking of all the ways they could easily **** them and make it look like an accident.

I gave you a little part of my heart
Not the whole thing, thank God
But I did give you a tiny piece of it
I know, you didn't throw it at the wall
You didn't hurl it off a cliff
You didn't even beat it to bits with a baseball bat
But you dropped it
Accident or not
That little piece I gave you
You shattered it.
Thank a lot.
I love feeling worthless, it's great.
Just, fabulous.
Thanks.

Alright, alright fine.

I guess maybe I over reacted a little bit

I mean, I suppose it's not as though we were dating, just flirting

Flirting is a very different thing. No commitment.

It's not like you broke any promises

I guess that if I had thought that I had a chance with someone I had convinced myself I loved for a long time, I would probably have done the same thing

I'm still ****** of course, don't get me wrong

I still want to hurt you

I still hate you with every ounce of my being

I still have reason to blame you

Don't get me wrong on that.

I still blame you, and have every right to

However,

I suppose

Maybe

I don't loathe you anymore

I guess I have re-examined and a lot of it was in my head

I made up a lot and mistook lots of what you said

I'm not saying I don't believe I had every right to react negatively

But I guess I'll admit, I overreacted.

Alright?

But you still hurt me.

Even if you didn't mean to.

And I have developed a bit of a plan.

Careful.

You don't text me for months and months

Then suddenly you have the nerve to say "Hey how are you?"

Then I don't hear a word from you for a full week, and suddenly my phone buzzes once again with a message from you.

Apparently you miss me.

That doesn't even make sense, I'm not the type people miss.
Why are you doing this to me? Telling me I used to make you nervous when I sat near you, saying you were too scared to even make eye contact with me, and I throw my phone at the couch because you need to stop this. It's not fair. Stop doing this to me.