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I have a theory that the fairy tales are twisted
And that love is the curse, not the solution
Bringing nothing but endless sleeps
And overbearing emotional pollution
When you love someone a little piece of yourself becomes like them
And when you come to a standstill and the story is over
You close the book with a sigh
And that part of them is all you have left
When you love enough you forget yourself
That's what the books don't tell you
You're too busy becoming someone else
To realize that you're losing yourself
MY MOTHER AND I IN THE CAR:

Mom: What ever happened to that boy you told me about?

Me: Oh, we kind of just stopped talking.

WHAT EACH OF US REALLY MEANT:

Mom: So, are you in some kind of secret relationship I don't know about? Are you meeting people without me hearing about it? Are you sneaking out at night to drink and do drugs and strip and sleep with boys? Do you have a love life? Tell me about everything so I can know every little detail of your life, freak out about it, obsess over it and lock you in a tower so you never ever date anyone ever or have any kind of a life because I am worried about you and I don't trust you but I love you so I am going to be as overprotective as physically possible.

Me: He turned out to be someone different than who I thought he was.
And also I don't trust you we have a terrible mother-daughter relationship and I will never confide in you because you would never understand that emotions are not logical and you are not always right mom. I love you, but I could never put my faith in you or count on you to carry me when I am broken.
Funny how she and I can't have a decent conversation nor an honest one.
And as the clock struck 12
You probably kissed her
With alcohol on your breath
And no trace of me on your mind
I just thought about this now.
What?
Oh no that's alright

I never liked my heart anyway

By all means, please
go ahead and beat the living hell out of that useless thing

all it does is get me into trouble anyways.

Please, go on

Rip it out of me and stomp on it

Pierce it with a poisoned blade

What do you care?

You don't know how that would feel

How could you?

You've always been

And will always be

HEARTLESS
I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him except it is difficult not to text him.
You are really lucky my best friends don't know where you live.
You are probably very attached to your limbs. It would be a shame if they ended up UNattached. Careful. My friends and I are insane.
Inf!ckingsane.

Normal girls:

Girl: And that's what he said!

Friend: Oh, honey. He is a worthless ******* he doesn't deserve you. You can do so much better. Here, I'll be over in 30 minutes with ice cream and your favorite movies. Put on your sweats and we'll ***** about men for two hours.

And then there's us:

Me: There, that was the entire conversation.

Best friend in existence: K you get the chainsaw I'll get the knives.

Me: K cool. Meet at the flamethrower store.

Her: 10 minutes?

Me: See you then.
I can buy beauty
I can buy artificial happiness
I can buy ***
I can buy pretty lies
I can buy obedience

But

I can't buy respect

I can't buy creativity

I can't buy goodness

I can't buy trust

I can't buy love



That's why I don't want you.
Because a relationship with you
Would just be something I could buy
Yeah. I am currently in the process of convincing myself this guy would be nothing but trouble and I should let him go. Encouragement appreciated. I'm better off without him. Right?
I don't have a new years resolution this year
But it always ends up becoming the same thing

"Aim to become less ugly, learn how to be pretty"

Still working on that

Maybe I'm shallow
Or maybe
I'm just broken

Maybe I just would like one year to he truly pretty
Because I don't have enough inner beauty to rely on that
And you know what

To everyone who sees me
I'm just and Ugly Girl.
If someone tells me to wear less makeup one more time I'll either break down crying or commit a homicide. Maybe both.
Andy...

You are not alive anymore.

You will never read this as a living breathing human anymore, you will never click on this poem and read my name and be blinded by the brightness of the screen, but I wanted to post this anyway. I wonder if you are watching me type this in spirit form or if you are doing something else but, just know that I'm glad. I'm glad you are not suffering anymore from the dread. I'm glad you are not scared anymore, because waiting is the worst. I grieve for your family and I'm heartbroken for your friends, and all who loved you but you were truly the most inspiring person I have ever had the privilege to speak to. I hope from heaven you can see me, I really hope now you know my real name because it probably doesn't make a difference but it's something I wanted to tell you because, I mean, that's a part of my identity, that's me, and I loved your soul. I loved listening to you, I loved reading what you had to say I loved watching the people who's lives you touched be inspired by the amazing person you were and you know what, it felt wrong for you not to know my name but I am very wary on the internet, I don't give out personal information so I stuck to my screen name, symbolic for something deeper, a deeper part of me, so in a way it was a part of my identity like a name but it still wasn't my real name.

The cancer killed your body, but nothing could possibly **** your soul, and I hope to God you are happy now that you have passed on because if anyone deserves it, it is you Andy.

I think “Rest In Peace” has lost its meaning from overuse by now, so instead I will say

Rest happily, Andy.

“And” is a part of your name, Andy
And you were the “and” in everyone you met’s lives. Something additionalto people’s lives to remind them that there is an and not just the depression or sadness they feel in their lives there is an and to go along with their burdens and that and was HOPE. You were hope. I hope you are okay, I pray for you and like I said before, Andy, I don’t know where you are but if you read this where ever you are in whatever form somehow Andy as I said before I don’t know what you are facing, what is going on right now with you now that you have passed on but like I said before it’s okay to be afraid.

I don’t know what else to say.

There will never be another person like you ever for the rest of eternity, so thank you, for being you and wherever and whatever you are, I hope you Rest Happily Andy, and I thank God for the beautiful blessing I was given: Knowing you.

Ember Evanescent
I encourage everyone who has been affected by Andy when he was alive to write something like these so it is forever imprinted in Hellopoetry what a difference his existence made, the way his imprint is in our hearts and lives.

Rest Happily Andy

Please pray for him, he changed by life.
He is a beautiful soul.
Even if you don't believe in souls or God or anything, please I beg of you to pray for him because even if you don't believe, can it really hurt?
I think it really would make a difference and I just wish he got a better ending because he deserves a thousand golden happy endings more than anyone.
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