wanted anyone to hurt for me
to feel what i feel
to love me so much they feel pain
i have never wanted that
to let yourself in
was my fault
i let you in
despite how much i restrained
i gave in
and now you hurt
i never meant too.

Here and now.
Right now
not than
its night
humid
depressing
cloudy not hazy
i love him
im afraid
here i go again
its crazy its insane
i dont know
thats just it
i do

I like the way it hurts
I love the way you think
Thats okay
I love the way you lie.
Love Is crazy
Insane.

Ive always promised it was over
Convinced myself every time
Your wrong for me
It wont ever be

Every tear dropped was proof of insanity
I am stronger than the pain
resisting it all
It revolves around me

Look at you now
so much more different
Yet the same old pain
I mask it and put it in the past

Your lies are irresistible
I cant contain myself

Drama follows me
Problems that seem so false
Something out of a fiction novel
Just as the bees follow hunny
I like to fear
Just so things
never look boring and clear
Cant you see?
I create such a ruckous
I am so loud
Yet I  hate it
But in the end
Id never ever change it

I hate the drama
You take it away
Its you  
You change my mind
You help me find
The purpose
The reason
The Understanding of why

Im still here season after season.

When It happens
Its mostly common
I fall.
Usually Very hard
l slip.
and free fall into the deep blue depths of the sea
I make it knees length into the ocean
Because you are there
You save me from sinking.
Everytime.
Its you.

the scale derails
im walking on egg shells
it might as well be nails

I am so distant from you all
Im alone in the halls
I cant be a normal girl.

So carefree-
gossip, makeup and the malls.
Thats not me

alone.
I was.
I am.

But Not Forever.

most
intelligent
loving
fun female