how do you continue
to           muddle
                                mess
            combine
the thoughts
       emotions
                                             everything
in my head
so it has
everything
to do with you
                          always

Open your eyes
and focus your ears.

Steel all your senses
and cancel your fears.

The sea is calling
so anchors away.

Shut out the darkness
and embrace the day.

The wind is whispering
throughout the blue,

so unfurl the sails
oh captain and crew...

Hoist the colors, all weakness is shed.
Now bring the horizon and quit
when you're dead.

bogeymen are                                                         its hard to
no longer hiding                     where'd                        remember
in your cupboards                 all the                     that i'm alive
or under your beds                   beauty                           some days
they're hidden in                       go?                         because i feel
the depths of                                                         so dead
your dark mind                                                        on the                                i want to replace
ready to jump out                                                        inside                        the blood in my veins
and cause the                            a lonely poetess                                                with ink
self hate that ends                   sits in a pool of blood
in blood covered
blades

I woke up in a pool of my own blood
Stood out of bed with shaking legs
Felt it drip down my thighs
Made it to the bathroom
Threw up twice &
Cried
And I cried
And I cried
And I was cold
For an hour or so
Then I sweat until
I couldn't catch my breath
And I sweat
And I sweat
And I swore I wouldn't blame you
For the nightmares that would follow
Swore I wouldn't blame you for the pain
But you didn't sit at the edge of my bed
You didn't sing me to sleep
When I needed it most
I walked outside
Once I felt strong enough to move
I contemplated getting in my car
I wanted to make it to the hospital
But I knew part of me didn't want to make it
Out alive
So I sat down
On a lawn chair
And lit a cigarette
I pulled my knees up to my chest
To avoid the shattered wine glasses
Below my feet
The wind blew lightly
Rocked the water in the pool beside me
I wanted to dive in
But I knew part of me wouldn't want to
Swim back up
So I sat
On a lawn chair
With my knees up to my chest
For eight hours
And when the night swallowed the sky
I cried
And I cried
And you didn't sing me to sleep
You never do anymore
And I swore I wouldn't blame you
But it's getting harder to stay true
Knowing that a part of you
Died inside me
A part of you died inside me
I'm sorry
But the same part of you will be the death of me
I swear
And that's a promise I will keep
I'm sorry