i am in love with the way you pull the sleeves of your sweatshirt over your fingertips in the winter & then of course the way you rub my hands between your's, while shakily laughing through a bitter shiver
i am in love with rubbing your back on a rainy night because your mind is so filled with pretty thoughts, you can't silence it for sleep i am in love with the way your spine feels beneath my palm
i am in love with you and how you quietly walk away when you are mad and how you scream when you are anxious and how you kiss harder when you are sad
you are the warmth in my tears *the only love i want to be in
I don't want to write about fireworks, and butterflies and pretty stars in perfect skys. I want to write about the gaps in your teeth and the way your voice sounds when you're angry I want to write about the mess of clothing that you don't even wear, all over your bedroom floor I want to write about the tears on your pillowcase and the way you so often fail to make sense in the morning I don't want to write about all of the perfect things you do I want to write about why I'm in love with you and I want my words to prove that there's nothing you do that I'm not attracted to ...
The distance between sun and moon, forever chasing each other, never catching up, running in circles, light to dark, that's our love, it's never enough. But unlike heavenly bodies, I've grown tired, I'm giving up.
if I had only known then what I seem to know now but I kept spinning around in stupid circles you would think I knew better and maybe I did still trying to find the motivation the drive I'm clueless as to why I must like pain more than I realize down I keep spiraling down but the dark doesn't hurt as much as it used to I don't cry about things anymore I'm empty firing blanks my reflection is a stranger glancing for too long it becomes broken and ****** there is no turning back can't even pretend to even if I wanted to my self is abandoned and this new shell has replaced everything I thought I knew I guess they were just lies no solid ground to stand on how am I still alive when I finally find something to believe then I turn the corner and like a slap in the face sometimes an actual punch telling me every single thing I have learned is wrong is chaos when all you have is yourself but your self is gone taking things at face value is a trait I now have lost nothing is what it seems simplicity is fallacy as much as my heart pounds for it it will never be so all I have are those moments just those small moments in time flashes of light soft skin sleepy smiles glances of appreciation fingers running through my hair toes in the sand fuzzy blankets breeze that brings lavender creaky stairs candlelight twinkling stars but I can never relax I am never safe.