Why is it that a peek into the past
Gleans direction and goals so fast?

But the memories scatter and fizzle out
As they wilt into the present full of doubt

You have to eat to lose weight you know
It all seems so illogical, feels so illogical
I just want to go to my stomach and pull
Away every morsel until there’s nothing left

Until my body is forced to feed on itself
Gnawing at the fat reserves I know are there
The ones I see staring back at me in the mirror
The ones I know are lurking in between

Hidden crevices I can feel with each fiber
Of muscles intent on movement
And that is where the problem lies, the muscles
My body will be unsatisfied with just the taste of fat

Whatever it can get its grimy taste buds on
Is what it wants– is what it shall have
Until the mirror says I am satisfying enough
Until I open it back up for one more measly molecule

That's when it tricks you and plasters you with fat
A shiny new coat to thicken you back up
Just in case I might starve again
Just in case it needs to lick its insides again

Smiles are a peculiar thing
I find yours infectious
Crawling on my mouth
So when you look at me
I look at you too

If only your smile found its way onto mine
So that they can intertwine
Delicately and passionately
So when your hand is on my body
Mine is on yours too

A slow transition, yet so quick,
from strangers to healers, we went.
You ripped your skin, I saw through,
and it felt a reflection of mine.

Found a soul pleading to feel loved,
searching to feel safe and adored.
Scars bleeding, pain un-ceasing,
you knew to give, not to take.

Saw a heart that deserves love,
so lost and tired to search or ask.
Didn't know just being there,
felt healing and freedom for you.

Kindness is all you asked of me,
love was everything I had in me.
You healed, only to bleed more,
when you had to make a choice.