You know I can still hear your voice when I read your messages.
You don't have to express it with a "ha" or "lol"
Alot of the times I read & re-read your messages.
& automatically I get to laughing & smiling when I hear it.
My favorite song.
It's been a while since I've heard it.
Finally finding my favorite song
After thinking about it so long.
All the memories that come rushing at once,
A sense of taste.
A sense of smell.
Remembering the words to all my favorite parts.
After all it's my favorite song.
This beautiful voice a reminder that warmth is but a thought away.
This happy feel good feeling that only I understand.
Finding myself dancing, nodding to the rhythm of your voice.
Out of all the streaming and downloading services in the world.
I could access it anytime or anywhere.
But
It doesn't give the same authenticity as hearing it in person.
I could access it anytime or anywhere.
Put my headphones in and tune out the entire world.
All with a user name and password.
But these files are only copies of my favorite song.
My favorite song played over and over whenever I talk to you.
Whenever I think of you.
My favorite song played over and over when I hear the sound of your voice.
Reading your messages

I felt so alone.
every place I went. every place I stopped to visit.
Seemed off.
I followed the noise of everything around me
in the hope of finding something familiar.
I rounded corners, crossed mazes of streets.
I didn't feel like I belonged to any of these places.
mostly filled with strange looks. anxious behavior.
still, I walked.
big city life is too busy.
always somewhere to be. always something to do.
it's easy to lose track of time.
keeping up with the next thing to do, the next place to be.
I felt so alone.
my walk becoming more unease. my shoulders more tense.
nothing really felt warm.
everyone felt cold, lost in the hustle of busy feet.
Shoulders almost bumping into each other,
Cars screeching their horn almost running into the other.
the sanctuary of what I really needed seemed far away.
still, I walked.
meeting the avenue of your eyes. you.
you seemed different.
far different than any place I’ve been.
I felt like I’ve been here before, or at least
Would remember if I’ve dreamed about it.
I didn't need to look at a menu to know what I wanted.
there wasn't a question of where I’d sit, or if there'd be
a seat by the window.
No remembering if I needed to stop at an ATM or if I had the right
Amount of money. I felt at ease.
I immediately knew what I wanted and where I wanted to be.
if I did continue to walk, it would be into tomorrow.
so that I could come back here.
a patron whose face would take no time to remember.
when the weeks turn into years.
I’ll remember to tell you; this is how I got home

There she sat.
Leaned forward in my arms.
It felt like she belonged there.
My arms.
Her head nestled in the center of my chest.
My arms stretched around her shoulders.
Wrapping tight around her.
Honestly between us both I don't know who felt more comfortable.
Me or her.
The urgency of need. Warmth.
Her arms un-tucked from the center of her chest.
Wrapping underneath my arms. Squeezing the small of my back.
I love the way she hugged me.
I felt a sense of security. Holding her as close as I could.
I watched as she turned her head and made herself more comfortable.
This was who we were.
Explaining everything that needed to be said.
Reciting everything within arms reach

Her eyes widened,
Not once did I stop to notice that this was the first time
These words came from my mouth.
Through action yes but never once did I stop to pay attention that I've never said it before.
The words that caused this sudden hesitation.
I mean throughout the course of the day I've thought it.
But until I seen the look on her face it struck me.
Of all things how could I possibly forget that.
It wasn't at all a bad thing, as most silences accompany something bad,
Though silence filled the air the look on her face was in disbelief.
From that moment on I sort of questioned a lot of other things, the kind of things that lead to if I did or didn't.
I never was one to pay close attention to detail.
The subtle hints that I very well might have overlooked.
I suppose I do deserve to be hit in the back of the head
As she stopped in mid sentence, I suppose just as shocked as I was.
In the back of my mind I was really hoping that she wouldn't ball up her fist and hit me up side the head.
All things aside, I was never good at this type of thing and on a daily basis she deserves more than what I can give but she takes it all in stride.
But seriously I hope she doesn't hit me up side the head for taking this long.
She is a bit violent and on top of that she is a ******, going to get a step stool would only make her madder.
Her eyes now widened, eyebrows relived of any crinkle that stretched down to her nose.
Leaving me without a thing to say but the words again.
"I love you"

There isn't a dollar amount
that can be placed on what we value most.

There isn't a store that can stock this particular package.
The inventory doesn't come close.

The smiles and memories we add to heart shaped trinkets.
The ones that crazily throb with each thought we keep of each other.

The dollar amount is insurmountable to the way I see you.
The traditional box of chocolates don't come close.

Your kiss sweeter than Hershey's & Reese's combined.
It is virtually impossible to prove worth with these store brought items.

The items we value most.
The items the store can't put a price on.
Cash back rewards are meaningless when each kiss adds further value
to the heart shaped trinkets that beat erratically when we think of each other.

There isn't a dollar amount
that can be placed on what we value most.

Your heart being the most valuable

Happy Valentines Day

Today before it rains, I'll big a big boat and sail away in irregular sleeves.
Big floppy ones that hang below my wrists.
Cut little slits to slide my thumbs in.
Then I'll buy a telescope and peer through the wrong end,
Thinking far left when everything seems so right.
Sailing in a pool of rain on the perfect day.
Of all the things I brought from the store.
I still find myself being the main ingredient of a certain stew.
For each drop that will fall I will smile.
Maybe a tad bit old fashion. But who else can see things exactly as I do.
Splashing my shoes in odd shaped puddles.
Today before it rains, I'll think of something a bit more subtle.
Something a bit more complex.
Hell I didn't have anything else better to do so I thought of you.
Wondering exactly what you'll look like from the other end of the telescope.
So far today has been strange.
Buying a boat for no particular reason.
Seeking kaleidoscopes and telescopes,
Waddling my wrists around in odd fitting sleeves.
Climbing aboard my boat waiting on the rain to pour.
By chance if I were to see you on today of all days, and you were to ask why.
My reply would possibly be the most simplest thing I've ever said.
Taking nothing odd out of context, Or the extra length added to my sleeves.
I'd simply reply.
Hopefully sail away from you.
The telescope was just to distract you

I just wanna rock with you.
If your down let's find a place to go.
The stars are out.
In an honest world the clouds have no say so.
To deny the vibe you give.
Light, airy.
They'd all run from you.
The clouds that unreasonably linger about.
The arms of your galaxy infinitely stretched.
Kindled in rotation.
The dynamics a simple smile can make.
A sort of religious happening.
Expanding with time.
Let's find a place to go.
Nothing but space
In the cosmos of you.
The hint twinkles.
We spiral in orbit.
Inhaling bright hue.
The analogy of aesthetics.
All together in vibe.
Asteroids appearing at the right time.
Sincerely running towards you.
Another galaxy that mimics the millennium of fantasy.
Alone in the blink of an eye.
Starstruck in the center of the universe.
Her universe.
In the galaxy of her arms,
We clash.
Colliding in bright hue

I think I am falling but don't really know
how to vocalize it.
I think I am falling like the shirt that reveals your shoulder.
I've revealed parts of myself no one knows.
A thin layer exposing true desire.
Opposed to you picking out something to wear,
even if it's just to take right back off.
I've given your face my stare to do with what you please.
My stare trailing your eyes, your nose.
I've ordered from the menu of your lips, casually staring
spending time with you.
I think I am falling, becoming more envious of the shirt
that hangs from your shoulder,
How I'd love to trade places. Being that much closer to you.
To your heart. At arms reach whenever you'd prefer.
To match your shoes, your purse.
Or just when you need comfort.
I think I am falling.
I think I have fallen with no place to land but on top of you
in seasonal bliss.
To be stretched & worn at least one day out the week.
My lips a loose fitting collar sliding kisses between your shoulder,
your collar bone.
I think I've fallen & can't pick myself up
I think I've fallen over you

And there I felt a sense of elation.
Seeing it for the first time.
A sense of interest.
Soft spoken, somewhat political.
Funded by interest.
The likes and dislikes of what lures the climate of smile.
It felt surreal.

A breath of fresh air.
A simple reminder of the smallest thing.
Not once did it feel that it was too much.
Not once did it feel that it was vain.
Off beat.

Watching episode after episode,
Subtle unsubtle laughs.

The gist of different references.
Spontaneous in the avenue of conversation.
I drove to get a second look. Then once more around.
The freedom of advertisement.
Officially elected in detailed statement.
A festival of sorts.
I would turn the corner and see all of my favorite characters 
represented by my most favorite character.

To compliment surprise her cheeks rose like a billboard. 
If marketing research counts, I was instantly sold.
Finding she was a avid merchant.
Her infinite knowledge for detail.
The gap bridged between listening and speaking.
A new experience to a different sector of my brain.
The rescue of a struggling smile.
A festival of bright smiles and laughs.
Corners of strong jawline and spontaneous conversation.
It was incredible.

Catching the most important reference,
My favorite character in life.
Wearing a Bob's Burger t-shirt
Granting smile in a instant

On this precious day
May your smile shine bright.
The best of gifts-
Your lips parting to show the most beautiful of snow.
Mounds upon mounds.
What ever the weather.
The best of gifts wrapped not in paper,
Fancy knots or bows.
But of skin.
These happy memories one of many.
Full of footsteps & voices.
Good cheer but a candle.
Flickering against the shadows,
Slow
This precious day but a wick,
Dwindling in bright red.
I find much comfort in every thought.
Each kiss.
Snuggled warm and tight in the many memories soon to come.
This.
The best gift.
Taken out the box bright for all to see.
Your lips parting to show the most beautiful of snow.
Let it snow

From the distance
I felt a kiss from you.
Brown lips dressed in strawberry glaze.
Butterscotch peaks,
Marshmallow swirls.
My day made bright in such taste.
Suddenly you don't seem far
Pretty lights and dark shadows fade.
Lips,
Happy and full approach.
Suddenly I am alone with you.
My lips rush to tell
How much I've missed you.
******* in absolute happiness
The gap narrowing
My lips pressed against yours

Sometimes when it's late.
I turn over and want to call you.
I never do.
Believing that it's best I let you rest.
In reality I need to hear your voice so I too
Can nod off into a decent sleep.
Otherwise I am tossing and turning thinking of you.
It doesn't have to stop there.
This late night call.
Ignoring the middle of the day.
Longing to hear you melt.
Even if you can't talk.
To tell you that I've found a place that I want to stay.
And that I hope you have too.
To wish you a good night.
The best kind of therapy.
A call that leads to spreading the night in your arms.
Finding the sun at night.
To tell you I love you before dozing off.

In a world where a hold is placed on perspective, and accomplishment is marked by material things.
Never lose your inner child.
In a world where everyone grows up and forgets the things that make them happiest, never lose your inner child.
In a world where momentarily replaces promise and devotion.
Don't forget that you hold the crayons of your soul.
You can color inside or outside the lines.
In a world where everything that truly makes you smile is frowned upon.
Don't ever lose yourself.
Just be you

And when it comes to her.
She leaves little to no room for any moment to be occupied by something else.
Even with that being said. It still feels like there isn't enough time in the day.
No matter what happens.
I'll always remember how it feels.
The stroke of her cheek against mine.
Trapped together in a cardboard box.
Frame by each corner.
A genuine box. Wrapped tightly in the gentle caress of arms.
It seemed like a good idea. Provoking each other's silliness.
Considering how attached we were, it really seemed like a good idea.
No special paper, no gift wrap.
Just scrunched up faces in a small space. Trying to figure out how to tape ourselves in.
Postage stamps sealed to the side.
In deep thought wondering where we'd end up next.
If only we could keep one flap closed while one of us taped us in.
I suppose it would be easier if we brought tickets and boarded a plane.
But wheres the fun in that.
Mailing ourselves away for a day or two
Realizing that the best things in life are free

I smeared myself against your bottom lip,
To feel the same warmth
That rests at the caress of
Your lip.
Each breath a breeze,
I myself, resting in the hammock your lips make.
If you sigh I have no fear of being blown away.
Knowing that I've reached the peak of where I've climaxed most.
I don't mind if you bite down.
Being caught between your bottom lip and the top of your grin.
If I could lay here for a while longer,
Caught in the explosion between us two.
The way I've smeared myself far from subtle.
Drowned in the corner of your mouth.

Your lips the softest pillow
I could rest my head.
Your lips the softest kiss I could drown

When I think of you.
The first thing that comes to mind is your smile.
I always find it at the most unexpected time.
Coming across it in a world where everything seems cold.
Although it's been a short time.
This smile of yours is selfless; kind, patient.
Although Valentine's Day is highly celebrated.
Out of three-hundred sixty-four days.
I hope that your able to smile your biggest smile.
On days when your schedule is full
On days when your tired and look forward to the minute you get to yourself.
When I think of you.
I hope that you are still courageous enough to turn that frown upside down
In a world where everything seems so cold,
You never know how big an impact you make,
With something as simple as a smile.
How fast time flies when your lips reveal this gift
that you constantly give

with a can of spray paint.
I tag my name across the wall of your heart.
my love for you condensed,
shaken up, expanding through
the burst of a nozzle.
swirls of tie-dye,
colliding in pink monochrome and blue.
Vibing, tripping.
After spray freckles tiptoe as high as my arm will reach.
And as low as my knee will allow.
chaos drips in small bubbles soon to dry.
Running through rough open spaces
Where paint used to be.
condensed circles, widening out to bigger circles.
your heart my canvas.
there is no such thing as running out of room.
the best things in life overlap and cross over
into each other.
my name splashed monochrome.
shaken up, expanding through
the burst of a nozzle.
I am swirling in love.
In every shade and in every hue.
coloring outside the lines.
your heart's a kaleidoscope
intertwined between the space of my fingers.
Life imitates art.
Art imitates love.
I imitate you.

I had this incredible itch in my ear
To much dismay everywhere I looked I couldn't find a Q-tip.
My fingers were much to big to reach in and grant any kind of relief.
It just happened out of nowhere, this incredible irritation.
The longer it went on, the more irritating it became.
If it were anything else I wouldn't have considered it a blessing, then there it was.
A Q-tip. Laying on the bathroom counter.
All my life I never thought I'd be so happy to see a Q-tip.
In much delight I grabbed it and inserted it into my ear.
Almost teasing myself first going around my ear then sliding it into my ear-hole.
Twisting it left then right, eyes rolling back.
If you could feel exactly how I did. Reaching that one itch that would drive a sane man mad.
Any amount of money, hell even *** at that point wouldn't do any justice.
Twisting that Q-tip left then right.
I couldn't help but smile.
It wasn't until I pulled the Q-tip out of my ear when I saw a note attached to the end of it.
Wrote in real fine lettering.
I had to squint to read it.
Although I couldn't completely make half of it out, the last part was clear as day.
Out of curiosity. I laughed grabbing the other end of the Q-tip placing it back in my ear.
This time I felt a real sharp pain accompanied by a loud sound.
I instantly threw the Q-tip to the ground.
It didn't make sense to me then, maybe not ever.
But next time I know.
Never disturb a Minotaur while he is trimming the hedge in his labyrinth.
Especially after being warned the first time

the last time you were here.
you brought a bar of soap with you
that you left before you walked away.
it provides a fragrant lather.
rinsing off, swirling around before being rinsed
down the drain.
although not forever, even bars of soap
have a shelf life.
it's expectancy dwindling with every use.
although you're not here, the bar of soap
you left behind is.
the question of masculine is not up for debate.
just as fleeting as every shower is.
i am not at all ashamed to say that it left
my skin feeling smoother.
the bar of soap gets thinner and thinner.
tossing in turning, scrubbing itself against my wash rag.
the doubt of you coming back is more evident.
the thinner this bar of soap gets.
if nothing else.
you can't say that I didn't think about you

We stand firm.
Striving to become the light that shines another day.
We hold true to that sense of warmth.
Through the wind we may stumble.
But we regain our footing.
Finding that our strength lies in each other.
A place where it'll never grow stale, or lose taste.
I rarely say it.
But I miss you, kneeling before I pray.
We stand firm not because of what we can see, touch, or feel.
You are the day I look most forward to.
We stand firm because you've given me something which I can believe in.
Unconditionally

Sometimes,
Even the prettiest flower has it's days.
Sometimes the wind begins to be too much
Ruffling it's petals.

Not every day can be a pretty day,
Whether it be a rose, or a daisy.
Sometimes the sun can be hard to find in plain view.
Standing in watch, patiently waiting.
Sometimes hours, days.
Sometimes that feeling of regret sets in,
Those negative thoughts that seemingly come out of nowhere.
Still it isn't deterred.
Patience is Key
As a brigher day is closer than you think

The last time we met.
You stood in front of me wearing those almond eyes
that I love so much.
Not once did I hesitate
Developing a taste for almonds.
The taste of something new in the mystique of fascination.
I did not realize my love for almonds
until the initial taste.
Finding how deletable they are,
The everlasting crunch of an almond.
A unique taste swirled around my mouth
covered in milk chocolate.
Although you have gone, I have remained faithful in your absence.
Recognizing your wrapper by name
Remembering the first crunch I realized I was in love

In the form of love she held me close.
Shaping the pieces of her heart into pills.
Without the proper prescription she advised that I take one once a day.
How foolish of me to exceed the dosage.
Unable to differentiate what was real.
Small sips of water, dilated pupils.
The mood swings felt between night and day.
The chemicals of her heart seen loud and clear.
Withdrawing myself from what I pictured the perfect love.
Moving from twice a day to as many as was needed.
Falling fast asleep. Waking up with sharp pains.
This was how fast my heart began to beat.
Swallowing each pill to ease the pain. Having gone so long without such embrace. 
I medicated myself in the hopes of staying alive.
A mass communion of pills gathered in the palm of my hand.
Easing her body into my mouth.
Swallowing her heart in an entirety of fragments.
This was how I came to overdose in a fantasy that wasn't meant for me

And like broken glass
The secrets intensify.
The vulnerability of time.
Both beautiful and sad.
The sound of broken glass.
Despite how beautiful the shards sparkle.
Despite time.
You'll never know what's on it's mind.
Hand to glass.
The prints left behind to be washed away.
The memories no more.
How can something so precious be replaced for another.
Thrown away without second thought.
It's cruel, unjust.
No explanation other than physical appearance.
The unhealthiest to cope.
The necessity of momentary need.
Another glass set in it's place.
To feel needed in a moment of thirst.
How we feel about the things we have.
Until we realize the one thing we need.
Almost too late

Unapologetically, I eased into a deep sleep
Head leaned back against the head rest of an small plane.
Not a single thought occurred outside of certain excitement
The sight of ordinary things seen from a totally new perspective.
Carry on stored overhead

 

The opening of eyes, a brighter hue now taking to the horizon
Wandering across the sky.
I eased into a deep sleep anticipating a gush of wind sweeping through my hair
caressing my face between the turbulence of things imagined staring from a window seat.
Shutter half closed, first class flight.
The sun peaking through an opening of clouds venturing somewhere That I've never been.

 

I eased back into a deep sleep, watching the sun through closed eyes
Extra color seen through an already perfect jitter.
To overcome a fear of flying,
The anticipation of seeing the horizon from this side of the world,
Her world. An affair of perfect height
Unapologetically I woke up inbound, heading fast towards the landing strip.
Seat belt sign now a bright red. Blending perfectly into the view of the horizon.
Welcomed open armed to plight of her heart

She kissed me unexpectedly.
Her lips softly pressed against mine.
My lips fully convinced, my thoughts of her.
My hands wanting to wrap around her back.
The look before her eyes closed & pressed her lips to mine.
I haven't been able to think of anything else.
Her admirer no longer secret,
The look in her eyes, revealing everything I tried to hide.
The look of urgency; The anticipation of a rushing heart.
Her lips a world I only dreamed
& I helpless to the way she tasted.
The best things happening at the most unexpected moments.
Her shoulders relaxed in the moment.
Her lips pressed against mine in comfort.
Unknowingly whispering the moment is ours.
My eyes close & I am a million miles from where I stood.
Her jawline stretched toward mine.
Revealing everything I tried to hide.
My hands wanting to wrap around her back.
The best things happening at the most unexpected moments.
Moments that pass quickly in the blink of an eye

I love sitting with you,
regardless of what's going on,
or where we are.
Nothing happens.
Everything is at peace.
No anxiety. No weight.
No rush
to be or to do.

Our eyes are free to rest,
our bodies free from tension.
Of all the things I could say,
all the invitations of where we could go,
when I sit with you,
time is irrelevant.
It doesn’t even come ankle high.
It too continues to walk past us,
probably hungry,
looking for something to do,
until we decide to do something
more than sit
and enjoy each other’s time.

The truth is in the way we breathe.
I can say that it’s nothing,
but a piece of me
finds its way into you.

Now I am certain of nothing
But your existence, in chaotic disbelief.
The scurry of feet patter down the path
Of the avenue & city blocks downtown.
As beautiful as you are dangerous,
Now open to the world around you.
A fiery ship intentionally dragging it’s
Anchor in obsession.
Not knowing how or when to stop.
The smog of smoke eases its way down.
We all were told to evacuate.
What is this place?
What is this promise made anew?
Some days are better than others,
The stars blend in with the search lights.
At times it’s hard to tell which is which.
I stand in both shock & awe.
It looks like the sky has split open,
The closest I’ll ever get to the sun
Not knowing how, or when to stop
You’ve always been familiar to me

Above all monsters that linger in the dark.
Love is one that can take many shapes and forms.
A tug of the bed spread or the seal of closet doors.
No matter how tight they are pressed.
Still it finds a way to seep through.
Waiting to take you by the arm the very moment your eyes start to close.
Reminding you of that one thought you keep suppressed of all things.
Keeping you awake for just a moment longer.
Eyes that long for a deep sleep.
Peering over a sea of fabric.
The ***** of an arrow digging into an unexpected feeling.
Climbing from beneath the bed or the crack of the closet.

Reminding you of the thing you somewhat regret. With the one person you can't seem to stop thinking about.
That cupid, appearing with a sly grin.
Dressed as the boogie man, blending into shadows, dark red loafers.
Just as your moseying off to sleep.
There he stands, squaring his shoulders.
Remembering all the late night trips you took to the fridge.
Who would have took cupid as a gymnast. Hiding here or there.
Or a health nut that despises anything outside of strawberry hearts

Once upon a time
There once lived a swine.
He loved to travel.
Unraveling himself in solemn novel.
Along with a apple.
He'd often babble.
With a book won from raffle,
He'd stand bowleg and baffled.
He'd often tattle
Not meaning to ramble.
Standing bowleg and baffled.
His face a smooth red cackle.
The look on his face outdone.
The zipper on his pants came undone.
Far from the favorite son
Those whom seen would make fun.
Of a swine whom despised bacon kind.
Losing peace of mind.
He soon became unkind.
Confined by bacon kind.
He'd straighten a leather belt
Soon a hand seldom dealt.
Soon a bag of rind.
Some kind of stew, cordon bleu.
With much displeasure.
Read the obituary.
And to think its almost February

Made of peanuts I feared the hand that searched for me so adamantly.
Watching the strange horror across agonized faces.
The bitter crunch of teeth.
The dissipation of silent screams.
Why not the cashew beside me.
All he does is laugh,
I blame the commercial for all of this, at least he got to keep his shell.
This totally wasn't what I had in mind when I said I'd meet you halfway.
Paralyzed in fear I sat.
Watching this hand pat all around me.
A total invasion of privacy.
Rattling what sanity I had left.
Sometimes it feels like I'm losing my mind.
Trapped in an empty container with nowhere to go.
Of all days why couldn't you rinse your mouth with something else.
Finally finding that annoying cashew,
If I could close my eyes and pretend it was all a bad dream.
Sweating inside of these tin walls.
If only I would have known that the world was going to end today.
I'd probably cover myself in chocolate and pretend I was someone else.
I would have hatched the perfect escape plan.
Here's to hoping I get caught in your throat so you'd have no other choice but spit me out.
Stupid Planters peanut guy

And that is your niche I told her.
Finding all things lost.
If I were to swallow ten thousand puzzle pieces.
Each belonging to a different size.
A different color.
No matter how I hide them.
I have perfect faith that you will find each piece.
That's just what you do.
There is no hiding any part of me.
With the slightest look.
The slightest word.
You immediately know what's on my mind
and I love it.
Arranging my every thought to where you see best.
It's really a no brainer
Finding where I belong

Soon as cupid closed his eyes and released his bow,
I immediately knew your face from my dreams.
The girl whose face I could never see,
You were always so quick to leave,
I'd pretend to hate you if it were true.
Just before I open my eyes the stars disappear only to reappear when I close them.
I slouch deeper in the couch awaiting your presence.
A chance to reciprocate just how I feel.
Forgiving you for not showing up a second sooner.
A hummus of white pastures
Devoted to the hunger of the sun,
Devouring everything in sight.
An maybe that invites the utopia of your thought,
Stung by an fleeting arrow, strung by the oasis of an longing heart.
Wondering aimlessly; an clear day
Without a single cloud to be found.
These are the times I think of you.
The horizon of my world.
The clouds move, curious in nature.
Beneath the pain of ribs struck by a fleeting arrow
You are there, the throbbing sensation that pulsates through my veins.
I miss you without having to look down,
I am neither naive nor stupid.
With quiet vocals
I deeply long for you on cloudy days
I deeply long for you now.
My enigmatic arrow
Migrate back to my side

I took absolutely no pleasure,
Though I indulged.
That in the pleasure of temptation.
A sense of dread setting in once all the pleasure was gone.
Hidden from which I found through true pursuit.
Isolating myself to a single thought.
I found myself unable to change, chasing the thrill of pleasure.
I thought to myself was I this selfish.
To dance in the rain soon as melancholy shown it's head.
The drops splashing against the crinkles of my face.
I soon grew to admire it.
This self perpetual motion that insists that I go in constant circles.
A unlikely comfort that insured that I pursue even further.
What was this disaster,
Finding my reflection to be more than a mere crutch.
I looked left, then right.
Losing understanding of what brought me to this place.
This certain happening.
This part of me that must die. This certain part of me that's clung on to you for so long not knowing what is real, and what isn't.
Between you and I, I had no clue which harmed me the most.
The fluorescent thought of needing you more than you needed yourself.
In actuality it was simple.
Barricading myself in a room to stop this foolish act.
Somehow you'd still managed to appear.
I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I wasn't waiting for you.
The conviction shown against my reflection waiting at the window.
Awaiting your touch before I went into a coma like sleep.
I grew resentful towards the bright light.
Choosing to sleep all day, coming to life at night.
This part of me must die.
This ache that was only quenched by your touch.
I couldn't lie to myself anymore.
Committing myself to the asylum.
By tomorrow would be too late, regretting every delusion I've made to tear myself away from you.
Your reaction once you've found out what I've truly done.
Not only did I tear myself away from you, I've made myself welcome to the touch of your everlasting dark.
Such terrifying figures the dark makes once the light cuts off.
I feared sleep as your face was the only thing I saw.
My complexion terribly pale.
Just what have you done to me, seeking some kind of justification
I checked myself in hoping to lose sight of you.
Only to find more of you in each patient.
Each day I spent in here I found my face turning more pale.
I was indeed becoming a ghoul, concerning myself with one thing.
A source of some kind of help was needed.
Finding myself arguing with the vampire girl in the lunch room over her red Jello.
The way that it skittered in slightest motion.
The way that it looked while it dripped down her fangs.
I felt like the plastic cup that held the snack filled serving.
Here I was making the biggest mistake of my life, and you were nowhere around to offer a helping hand.
I took no pleasure in removing myself from you, but at the same time
I cannot live without you

I plumped down sinking back first into the middle of the cushion.
Resting my arms behind my head.
Thoughts of spending the rest of my life here crossed my mind.
Now drifting off in thought.
I watched the sun drift off into the horizon.
Peering through half closed curtains. The inside of her eyes.
I always wondered what things looked like from here.
A beautiful thing, the clouds engulfed by one another.
Patiently laying there, feet spread apart. Wider than my shoulders.
The fear of drowning never crossed my mind, Sailing so far from I originally docked myself.
The closest I've ever came to setting sail before this moment was dangling my feet from the pier.
Hanging from the edge of her eyebrows.
By far one of the best memories happening before my eyes.
I loved how this felt. Surrounded in total comfort.
Embraced by nothing except cushion.
I sunk deep. My outer face cradled by cushion.
Watching the current of clouds ripple across the sky.
Snuggling my head deeper into the cushion.
Internalizing the thought of spending the rest of my life here.
Laying on the cushion of her heart.
Viewing the world through her eyes

I want to be your black & mild
The thick hard plastic piece you
Slide between your lips
The thick hard piece you can't help but bite down on.
With each layer that withers away.
I want to reveal more of myself
In the comfort of where ever you take me.
I grow with such anticipation when you reach for me.
The moments counting down until you undress me from my wrapper.
With the touch of your hand only do I come alive.
The whispers only I can hear
Before my lips reach yours, embraced in a kiss.
Tempting you to bite down even harder.
I want this more than you could imagine.
Each ash thumped off, a testimony
To the moments that unknowingly go by.
A means of relief.
Making myself available for these special moments shared between you & I.
I want to be your black & mild.
The thick hard plastic piece you turn to for comfort.
My cologne granting peace with each puff you take.
Each layer of paper my words wrapping around you.
Flaked off without denial.
This is the effect you have on me.
Taking me deep inside of every thought with no explaination,
Our private conversations like ***.
Ignited in the whisper of a kiss.
Tucked soft between the nook of your fingers.
I want to be your black & mild.
I want to surrender only to you.
The thick plastic piece you hang out of your mouth cocked slightly to the side.
Until we both ****** and there is nothing left but hot ash

In my city
Things get the liveliest after dark.
A song in itself, with lowered vocals.
The kind of song you put on & just drive to.
The kind of song you hold your head up to.
Whether night or day.
In my city
The buildings & bridges like to dress up.
Coming to life at night.
Some smoke cigarettes.
Blowing O rings to the clouds.
Some wear their necklaces made of light.
Draped in gray and beige, pants to match.
In my city
You can find the everlasting lyrics
on just about every corner.
A song in itself, with lowered vocals
Blared loud
a city of rhythm & blues

Clouds form and fill the sky
Everything turns gray.
Still, there is no you.
You don't say sorry.
You don't say anything.

I walk outside,
Expecting to see you
At the very least, hear you
Rumble closer.

The sky is just as stubborn,
Refusing to move.
Here I am, outside
Head tilted back,
Mouth open, waiting for you.

Picturing your voice
Rumbling in the distance.
You don't say that you're sorry.
The rain still hasn't come

Gimme a break from the long day at work.
A piece of mind that doesn't fly by soon as it starts.
Not of discrimination but of a demanding boss.
Time but a snap of a bar.
Gimme a break from negative interpretation.
In terms of being under appreciated.
A smile that encourages the rest of the day to come that much faster.
The commercial before we continue our regular scheduled programming.
Gimme a break before our stature completely seperates.
If only for a moment.
To savor a taste stumbled upon in bulk.
Complex in the pieces we give of ourselves.
Chocolate covered us wrapped in orange.
Fully appreciated in standout appearance.
The smile brought to my mouth.

At the table sat a prawn, a fish, a glass of water, and a watch.
All trying to figure out who had the best hand.
Two out of three games already played.
Tension drawn on all of their faces.
The fish twitches at the river, caught in thought eying the glass of water.
The prawn in constant panic. Eying the fish.
Stuck in the same predicament as the fish. Winning a much larger *** the last hand played.
The fish much larger than he. The prawn folded his hand.
The glass of water over-thinking the endless possibilities of both the prawn and the fish.
Sweat dripping down the side.
The watch on the other hand, had the best poker face of them all.
As time reveals everyones true intentions.
Revealing a slew of faces

in a downpour of rain.
the world fades away in a flash
of white.
the rain slants and drizzles,
Beginning to fill the gaps of potholes.
And crooked cracks left empty
against the pavement.
the drivers behind
the wheels of their cars
turn their windshield wipers
on high, to no avail.
Their wipers constantly beaded
down, covered white.
Fading away.
the downpour is too heavy.
the rain is too heavy.
It's thuds bead down
against the metal car roofs.
my heart too sways in the wind.
Pinged and drenched,
caught in the downpour of how your
heart's whispers have turned to screams.
rain-soaked tears unveiled to fill the
gaps of all things missing.
including the distance between you and I.
Soon, I too will errupt and overflow.
Fading away in a flash of white

Of all the simplest of things.
Sometimes love is a lot like socks.
Some are long, some are short.
Hell some even come up to the height of knees.
Some are bland. Some are colorful.
Baring the fruit of comforting something bare enough to be considered as precious.
These devilish things, socks.
Sometimes they create more problems than they are worth.
Coming apart at the seams,
Getting caught between your toes.
The hassle of constantly having to stop and readjust your shoe when no one is looking.
They come in all sorts of color and sizes, these crazy things called socks.

Sometimes that one size fits all is just a lie.
In time all things wear.
Just don't be foolish enough not to enjoy the comfort of the simplest of things.
This at all isn't important during the height of the day.

But the thought is necessary as it conveys comfort.

A necessity that goes unnoticed unless you've had any of these problems.

Belts on the other hand can be a different hassle. Not fitting tight enough.

The leather hole wearing thin often tearing.

Sometimes these dang things prove more trouble than they are worth. Stupid things.

But out of everything that I've said one thing couldn't be truer.
If ever I was to become overweight.
You'd be the pair of suspenders that hold my pants up when my belt can't fit anymore

At times like this you scare me the most,
At times like this is when I seriously take into consideration the whole cup full, being half full theory.
At what point do I open the refrigerator,
At what point do I let the cup tilt over.
Yearning to sip every drip.
Every part of you that swirls around my taste buds.
Becoming less of me and more of you.
The sweet disaster of drinking out of an heart shaped straw.
Watching every moment pass through air bubbles of the straw, every bend. Every curve.
Dreading to hear the sound that echos all gone.
Realizing that at any point this could be the pivotal end of how we came to be.
With you there is no refill,
There is no running back to the store in manic rush.
No other brand of pop to replace that one perfect moment we met.
I'd rather drink you now rather than spend life wondering why the **** didn't I finish that drink

At times I can be very indecisive.
One minute I can know exactly what I am doing.
Or know exactly what I want.
Then the next have no idea.
Especially having
All of my favorite things presented to me at once.
I admit.
It gets troublesome.
One decision seeming to be better than the next.
Venturing from one height to the next.
Each of my favorite things jumbled into one
big idea that seems to good to be true.
Eventually I make a decision
If by some chance I am dreaming don't pinch me.
Let me enjoy all of my favorite things in complete chaos.
While I pause for moments longer.
Taking in the sight of all my favorite things.
Stare back at me in contemplation.
While any and everything sounds good.
Long as I am with you everything gets that much better.
Knowing that all of my favorite things consist of you

Since I saw you,
I've had this hope live in me.
That everything that isn't needed be gone.
The details of sales papers, shopping carts.
The ease of temptation.
Standing still.
To fill my cart full of things I don't need.
Coffee rings, free samples.
The debris of reality.
Strings and paper slings around baked goods.
Shopping around facedown.
Pushing the cart row after row.
The things on sale.
The pings of the register.
Splints that aren't necessarily the object we've come face to face with.
Jamaican ***.
Our fingerprints used in vain
The residue from coffee pots and things we've touched.
Bottled, sealed tight.
Fresh water springs.
Still we pursue.
I pursue.
Your carefree sensibility.
I've walked every row in search.
Where have you gone,
Withdrawn

Mid way up the mountain, I turned around.
A solace breezed through the clouds, now older.
This sudden amnesia covered in snow.
This reoccurring season, was I ever changed.
Now grown with age.
The jagged edge between my fingers.
I grew self conscious.
An utter of silence hushed in the wind.
I sought rescue without proper justification.
The sights from here were breathtaking.
Watching breath turn to frost.
The cabin seemed so small from here.
Elevated peeping down on a snow covered roof.
All things considered I sought escape.
Confined to a small place with the blaze of an fireplace.
Quite funny how somethings change.
The sloping feel of emotion.
Feet scattering through ice regaining balance.
I was naked before the whole world.
Standing there before the mountain let out a hard cough.
Was I still the same.

Slipping off the ledge,
Holding on while watching a field of snow rush towards me.
I suppose the only reasonable thing to do.
Is let go.

This avalanche was you

When you have nothing left.

It is imminent that you create your own peace of mind with every direction.
Take some time out and evaluate.
Reevaluate.
Make peace with the things which we control, and the things we cannot.
In time it replenishes the pieces of ourselves that we constantly give without putting back which we give Placing ourselves as priority over any given situation.
It's not so much the appearance of how these things work.
But the inner workings.
There's much strength there.
In finding the key to abundance

Baby..Let's get away
Pretend that todays a holiday..
Your the perfect get away..
Each moment spent with you..
Baby..Let's get away
Baby..Let's get excited.
Spend all our time away..
Forget all about our privacy
Make today a holiday..
Baby.. let's get away
Make today a Holiday.
The weekend still days away..
Your the perfect get away..
Our weekly get away..
Travel..ing down charcoal gray
Baby..Let's get away.
Pretend todays a holiday..
Bombay & Lemonade.
the perfect get away..
The sun melts into your skin
and I the horizon that melts into you..
Your the perfect get away..
Baby..Let's get away

I've always seen you
When I look up at the stars.
This is the beginning of life
To love you, to dream in massive
Sound.
The infinity of new beginnings.
To feel so close
Knowing that I am so far.
Asleep in your presence.
Knowing that I am completely comfortable soon as I see you.
Searching the sky until I find you.
The very reason I look up.
The galaxy colliding in the pupil
Of my eyes.
Night after night
Everytime I look at you

I was never mad that you lied about the smallest of things.
The things that hurt the most when found that they were indeed true.
If anything you taught me that sometimes faith can easily be misplaced.
Over time it became hard to look in your eyes,
A place I found myself disappearing to often.
Confusing truth for comfort,
Realizing that in a world of fabrication, The best truths are raw.
Often unclothed. A natural happening.
This is what lured me to your eyes.
Not once paying attention to what was going on around me,
Not until the last minute.
The things taken for granted.
The unease hesitation of hands. A certain anxiousness
That shook with the reach of your hand.
Slowly watching a different you appear.
No longer soft, genuine.
Left with the answer to why most facades exist.
A simple truth I myself overlooked in the way that I loved you.
Instead, taking gallons of lighter fluid.
Soaking every inch of myself then placing the box of matches in your hand.
Knowing the outcome. Knowing the difference between right and wrong.
But still having faith that you wouldn't do the things I knew you would.
This was the faith that I had that you were exactly who you said you were,
that you loved me the same exact way that I loved you.
Misconstruing the spark from the box of matches as the spark I seen when we first met.
Mistakes are not uncommon, in most cases it's what's done after that really matters.
Despite the sudden jitters that overwhelmed you, I provided my arms as a place of shelter.
A place that without question, you'd know without a shadow of a doubt would always have comfort.
Never truly realizing that most things of that nature are treated as one sided.
A incomplete truth, selfish in the same nature. 
No matter what superficial truth I saw you wrap yourself in to grant ease of comfort.
I was never mad at you,
How could I be mad at you for being who you were all along.
Learning a fraction, as to why wolves often choose sheep's clothing