I looked over, and by chance
I saw you
You came to visit our school for the day
Because you were thinking about moving there
I thought you were pretty attractive
But I knew you would never think that of me
I started being nice to you, because of the kindness in my heart
Like when you smiled at me, I smiled back
And even when you couldn't find the restrooms, I showed you
When J came up to say "hi", I introduced you
Little did we know that we would become best friends
Let a year go by, and I'm in sixth grade with J
You were in seventh, but we still had class
You told stories of how you came to this world, and saw J
A little poor boy on the side of the river, his eyes a light blue
You said you adopted J, then went out for more exploring
About a month later, you said, is when you saw me
A little imp, lost and confused, with gleaming grey eyes
You said that's how we became family
J and I, brother and sister,
While you were the father holding us together
But you knew that wasn't true
You knew that it was really I who was the glue between us
Holding together the girl who acted like a boy,
The kind and gentle Californian-looking boy,
And yourself, the obnoxious but sweet new kid
But we were inseparable, no  matter the differences
Skip another year ahead, when J and I were in seventh
And you were in eighth, the last year of the school
We tried to make it work
But alas, we were doomed to shatter
I was a girl
J a boy and you a boy
It would never last forever
We were still friends, but no longer "the trio of classmates"
No longer best friends
And as you graduated, I could hardly keep my tears from flowing
J squeezed my arm, too sad to have sanity
Before you left the building,
You engulfed us in one last group hug
Before walking into the future
Leaving J and I behind, forever
The year after, it didn't feel the same
There was always a hole in my heart,
Yelling because I had lost a part of me
I had lost one of my best friends
Forever

People say, "If you don't want the world to know don't tell it."
But when my tears are flowing like a rushing fall.
When my heart is really about to stop beating
When I just can't move because all my thoughts have been taken
I can't just hold it all in.
I can't pretend I never lost in the war of man and woman
I can't pretend I'm not frail and useless now to him.
I can't pretend I ever was his.
Yet I try to.
I try to tell the world of these feelings
that all they will do is sympathize with words such as, "Poor thing. I feel sorry for you."
They will never get it.
They will never understand the pain I go through
I went through to write a single poem.
To feel so broken and be told not to tell the world
The world must be a really ***** place, to spread about a girl who just was scared
The world must be a heartless black pit that ***** you in.
That makes you so sad you could hardly say a word.
While you clench your hair and hold in the scream
that you realize you wouldn't be able to let out anyhow.
And when you press enter you know it
You know the whole world is passing around your true thoughts
like they are some kind of virus
Would the whispers of your life stop.
No.
They would just become louder
More and more whispers
you would clench your teeth and just...cry...
A new phobia has been awakened
and your heart has become colder than it once was.
It might have been worse if you just held it in.
It might have crushed you inside
This may have been better
Maybe...
Maybe it was better but, maybe...it just became worst

Sitting in a cold room.
Listening to cold music.
Thinking cold thoughts.
My skin keeps rotting away.
Each time it only reveals....
me.
Nothing new.
Nothing old.
Nothing at all.
Just a facade covering my fears.
Still...
I wonder.
Could I be alone?
Could I be alive?
Could I be walking?
Oh I know where I'm going.
I'm going...
Home.
I see a light.
I see a door.
I see a family.
No tears, no more.
I wish....
they would end.
Tears still fall.
Tears still roll.
Tears still burn.
I'm still...
cold.
It's still dark.
It's still hard.
It's still sad.
But...
I have a choice.
I can live in misery.
I can live in joy.
I can live in my body.
I won't forget....
you.
I might forget they way you laughed.
I might forget they way you cried.
I might forget the way you smiled.
But I will always remember......
to live.
Because you're my angel
Because you're my light
Because you're my reason
So I'll...
be alright.
I trust you
I miss you
I wish you were here
And...
I cry still.
I still remember
I still fear
The way....
we said goodbye.
Can I do that?
Can I cry?
Can I truly let you leave?
I know....
I will.
Goodnight.
Good dreams
Goodbye.

Cement walls surround me.
The silence tortures me.
Crossed legged on the bed
With my head down,
Staring at a razor blade.

Oh how it excites me to see,
Blood dripping from an area where my watch should be.
I am numb to physical pain.
As i have had enough insanity.

I know deep down,
My heart screams for salvation.
Yet a stronger part that shares it,
Gives hell in ways unknown.
It screams but no one is hearing it,
Not even me.

Familiar to the situation.
Where I screamed and no one listened.
Where I spoke and no one responded.
Where I cared and no one seemed to appreciate.
The impact was stronger than they thought.
They say I'll be fine and Oh how I agreed.
Then they left.

Now I am left unloved.
Forced to smile when I don't want to.
Forced to cover up on sunny days where it's hot.
Forced to cry and refuse to go Out.
They don't love me.
And I do not know how to love myself.

What I say: I'm not hurting myself because you don't love me. I'm hurting myself because I hate me.
What I mean**: Please come back and love me so I can stop hurting myself.