you were all laughing
but i was screaming
and screaming
SCREAMING
for you to slow down
stop, please just
stop

the world isn't meant
to be sideways
blowing past in blurs
and chunks
of nothingness

but you won't listen
and I'm flying now
skidding
into that
nothingness

my skins gone
and this asphalt's
turned red
thick with my blood
and i swear
now I'm

dead.

adrenaline running
mad through my veins
makes me wish
i could run for years
and slice my skin open
and ******* crazy

but I'm too tired now
so i'll nap for a month,
or maybe three,

and see you when
my blood is boiling again
craving ***** sweet
like lemonade
blood so pretty like
strawberry juice
drugs like
i look happy again.

when she was born
they all brought her presents.
addiction and anxiety
with a bow on top,
and wrapped in pretty paper
double doses
of depression mixed
with moments of mania
so she would forever be
split in
two.
she lived her life
spiraling in ugly hate,
always wondering why
until she was 19 and remembered her first day
and how they had all
brought her those presents.

so when she slit her wrists
she carved the words
thank you
and the only note she left was
goodbye.

the first time
you came over
changed right in front of you
told you not to peek,
but my mischievous soul
didn't cared when you did.
the first time you came over
laid in the attic bed,
you held your ear to my chest
as you listened
to my heart fluttering for you.
the first time you came over
whispered for you to kiss me,
you were too innocent
and scared to taste
lips sweet like blackberries.
the first time you came over
we were fifteen
and my darling,
i loved you so long before

that first time
you came over.