It was over - long before - it was finished
But I held on - because I always have hope
So I held tight to the very last thread
And did my best - to ignore - what was never ever said
No words can ever silence
The screams I hear inside my head
Trying to convince me that I'd be better off dead
But I know better than to listen to that
It's just the reaction to a feeling of loss
I told myself it will always get better
Don't sweat the bridge - until its the time for you to go across

The other side is just what it is
Not much different than the place that you left
So what you need-to get some kind of new perspective
Is to keep your eyes open and your mind on your new objective
Moving on means you're leaving something behind
But you knew that long before - you - ever even thought it out
Confidence doesn't make acceptance any easier to comprehend
There  is always going to be some doubts
Associated to the beginning of anything that you end
Regrets will sooner or later fade into the scrapbooks of time
Where you keep what is now done and gone
Just like the darkness is always replaced
By the emerging light of each and every new dawn
Although sometimes the night seems like it will never end
If you just hang on - and persevere - you will find that your fear ...
....was all in your head
And it wasn't YOU that the echoes
Were saying would be better off dead
It was the darkness of regrets
The eternal nighttime of doubts
And the ability you developed to ignore
What was never ever said - all that
And the bridge that you finally crossed
That was what the echoes pounded
             into your psyche
As they bounced off the walls of your mind
             SO...
Let go of the thread - hope was always
The only thing you held onto so tight
And it was all you needed to get you
Through the long dark night
It was over-long before- it was finished
But I held on- because- I always have hope !!

Inside each and every personal decision
There lies an opportunity for revision
Unless you step across it like a line in the sand
To continue on with a path not planned
So time creates opportunity to accept pauses
But only for those who have a love for the lost causes
Otherwise we seem to be lowering the drawbridge
In order to push out everyone who has true knowledge
So that those lies we've told ourselves matter
Will be enough when all future hope begins to scatter
And the four winds carry away  all sense of reason
Anyone not agreeing with self-destruction is guilty of treason
And although the Defenders stand ready at the ramparts
Does not mean an enemy attack is in the star charts
Whatever way you thought you could actually forecast
Went away the day you decided to step past
That opportunity for revision - that was your line in the sand
Before the spark of insurrection you purposely fanned
Why then do you seem to be now so altruistic
Without accepting responsibility for plans so unrealistic
There were signs posted all along that narrow highway
You know the one you denied was the way to ruin by delay
So what is it you in your hour of need plead for
We shut out yesterday now come  to batter  down the door
While getting burned by the warnings that you spurned
As false warnings of those who studied but never learned
That which you swept aside never breaking stride as you did your best to have your narrow thoughts applied to all who resisted that you insisted was what God enlisted you for .. to ensure that we were all to do

So if that really was what you know to be true
Why is it now that you need us the expendables
To come to the aid and rescue of you  who even now won't accept that ..

.... YOU WERE A PACK OF FOOLS!!

It wasn't like I was really innocent
The trouble I bought
Or the time I spent
I don't know what I got
For the price I paid
I kept moving on
When I probably should have stayed
I know that now
But its a bit too late
That's the trouble you get sometimes
When you hesitate
But I can't go back
And do it all over again
I've seen way too much
In all the places I've been
To ever be-the person that
I once was

No second chances to get it right
No reason to believe that even if
I had held on tight
That it wouldn't have
All worked out
Just the same
Things happen in life
There no reason to try
And find
Someone to blame

I wonder sometimes
Where it all went wrong
Did I come off too weak
Or come on to strong
Did I make it too hard
To find a compromise
Where we could open up enough
To look into each others eyes
And see the pain that existed
That we always resisted
To bring to light
I don't know why
But it seems like I
Always knew the truth
But wouldn't turn it loose
To let it fly

I caged it up and closed the door
I said my piece and nothing more
Then let silence hang ......
......like so many times before

As we both just sat there
   Miles and miles apart
And watched compromise
Walk out the door

I believe each time we really tried
Still things worked out just the same
So like I said...things happen in life
There no reason to try and find
Someone to blame.  Someone.... .
......to..........blame.

What is...
The price of love
Not that it really matters
I'd make the payments
With interest and concerns
For those hard days when life shatters
Compounding all those pains
Given to... which no one really earns
So the price of love
A hand to hold
A warm smile to share
Someone to cuddle with when it's cold
Never letting anything come between
The ability of each to always show they care
And that is the price of love
That physical or emotional touch
So the most valuable thing on this Earth no payment too high no cost too much

There are those who weave a spell
and the spirit
comes ready to suscitate
Exalted
by the Battle Cry
intensify
as they  attempt to justify
and as the heart of man grows cold
as hard as pavement Stone
We will  reignite
all the passion that we have lost
and adorned with Justice by Design
Keepsake that we have worn
we will not have worn alone
the voices
that have awoke
are distorted by that ominous and maniacal cry
rising up
from beneath the morgue
to which weaknesses rapidly appears
no matter what it does evoke
we must persevere
we must intellectualize
to deny
The inconsideration of those lies.
and all hate that it does create
so when we all
from the wilderness return
we will know that we did not squander
all the power we did possess
Yet not by force
Justice we did reinforce
keeping guidance
by The Shining Light
that set our course

All poets and poetry
Is to me in form  surreal
As the poet is a micro thin mirror
Allowing the surface to be bent
Changing what others see or feel

We build wings of letter strings
Or one word sentences
As sharp as a Razor's Edge
Or as blunt as  a headaches constant thump

We conjure pleas as if on our knees
Seeking understanding from those we need ... saying
I am chilled of spirit who circles
Walking loneliness on a leash
Threatening me
With a sudden and lifelong attack
If if if I try  if I try if I try
To  engage my voice
I fumbled as I hear it crack

If I could I'd scream in rage
Get back get back get back
But still I fear I will be lost
In my attempts to run
To run and hide as I am not
I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not
Nearly strong enough
I'm not... strong enough
Strong enough fight it
To fight it off I fear
Without you here...
... Here by my side

But I love the immortal
Protector of the neglected or rejected
The shy ones and the  meek
Who have not the confidence
To seek out the words needed to speak
So I will often step in to defend
To wrap a bully up like a crumpled Dixie cup
Proving he / she has no point that will hold water

Then bring in the empath flexible mirror
To be turned upon the foe
This case in point - most recent
Where I stepped in to hear the verbal abuser
Speaking out on Facebook post so I turned on my tap

His anger quite accentuated by facts
It always seems to enrage the brain that cannot engage
Showing us all the reply... You are stupid and no one wants to listen to a 60 year old man with mantitties and a ponytail
No no no no no he didn't for you see I am also 60 years old no man **** but I have a ponytail
And this is where I love our surreal ability

I lept in with both feet
Brandishing my paper foil
Determined to reach into his consciousness
Seeking out his abuse as my excuse to release the coil

Hey dude we are all pretty lucky  
That there was once  those who chose
To pay attention to those with ponytails
You know John Paul George and  and
You know what's his name

I set the bitter teeth of that spring-trap
Baiting as I was waiting for him to ...
... put his foot into the Trap
Which was ... Obviously his mouth
And like a dream - my little scheme
Paid off like a slot machine
He said to me..
Shut the f up nobody talking about them Fn idiots ***** The Beatles
I said I can't believe you dude F-bombin them like that and I wasn't talking about the Beatles either
But I must say your misguided diatribe although I say your rant my ears it greatly pleases
As I meant John the Baptist the Apostle Paul George Washington yeah and you my friend just let loose the F-bomb on oh yeah JESUS.

You had the truth in your hand
But I guess you couldn't stand...
...the demand...
... of being a real human

So why does your shame
Make it necessary to blame
The others for suddenly being
A stranger
Does that not create the danger

Of rearranging the facts
While jumping the tracks
In your haste to move forward
What could be the reward
For striking such a chord
Of internal discontent
Where your morality is bent...
... To the point of almost broken

While fueling the fires you alone were stoking
I had relinquished the remote
As  I felt the chill wind blow
Still I did not don a coat
Out of righteous indignation
Or from forlorn resignation

Although there was temptations
I let you hem and haw - have your say
So you could do it your way
The window view instinctively knew
And slowly dropped it's shades
The window curtains instinctively knew
And dropped... so as one side fades

Going back into the obscurity
There is a melancholy pull
Looming large and weighted  down with insecurity

Even in that first moment of triumph
The serious side knew
This was no contest
It was an awakening
While nowhere near sleep
As if the dreamers shuffling steps recede

Scuffing the floor in metronomic
semaphore
Sounding like the best the best the best the best the best the best the best
Continuing as it crosses the room
The best the best the best the best
right on out the door.

A sudden screeching stop
As  the voice spoke into my ear
I stepped through the vines of those now bitter signs
That had guided me to this place that I am right here

Where the bitter light of reality casts no shadow
And the shadows that were .have now  been faded
In this land stark with blinding light
It cannot be denied the truth it has created

No road so long that creates an endless journey
Outside that is...the majestic vision of the mindscape
Where eternity's exist in a  thousand heartbeats
Where dreams can grow from a single breath
As I hesitate to allow them to take full shape

Step aside for a few blazing seconds
To consider the upcoming storm of deep emotions
Building up on those distant horizons
That must be weathered along the path of such devotion

That had inspired such feckless abandon and disregard
Anything but that which was self desired
Ignoring any pain I may encounter or how much I may be scarred

Though that choice be mine of that no doubt
Yet  not mine alone if upon wherever this journey's destination be
For where you share the trail you shall also share the load
I cannot allow myself to forget
Some bonds bind in the mind....
.... and those I cannot see

And unfortunately
May never be able to see

So if I step through the vines at the edge of my view
Back to the land of finite - lead weighted moments
It seems I shall walk along with my shadow... where I fear
I always knew the endless infinity up ahead leads me
Toward that which I always knew
As the valley of my own destiny
That place I now know I will be led
Should I find that my destiny...
... turns out not to be you

Tuesday, September 26, 2017
6:26 PM

Poetry 2017


You never know

No doubt exists that I was not
The only one who was able to resist
For as long as I did
And to escape venturing into the web world ...
..with all its problems and benefits
I would be remiss
If I did miss
the opportunity to say that it has been a blessing and a curse
But it could definitely be worse
So whether I like it or not I've been on the web....
... for probably 10 years or more without
wanting to be....wishing to be ..or needing to be .. and it used to like make me angry
I guess as they say nothing ever leaves the  web
So...yes!

yes it was a Day to Remember
while we were playing softball
a lot of these 30 year old kids
And I was out in left field

I was actually bored
And
somewhat moored
to the spot I had been since ...My ok.. who knows when ...then
I heard that crack ...of the bat
As it caught a good purchase on the ball
and it was suddenly sailing over my head like a congressional junket going to look at a disaster zone .
Unfortunately for me and my frozen
, somewhat dozin'... knees  
We were not syronized ...

...,which I only realized after ...just after!
Yes I do realize I stepped into the lime!ight to tell the tale
But it is  my prerogativte to take my time
As well!
Not all that easy to bare your soul
to just let go
Standing metophorically naked
before the world
And talk about that day... when
It was not metaphoric

Within 10 measly seconds...
... from hearing that bat crack
Seeing the ball go sailing off over my head
and starting to run
In a race to see who would give in first

Me or my poor knee...which one doesn't matter
As I'm pretty sure had one gone...!
it was taking the other along
As well as me !
With the whole support team that managed
Barely at times
To keep me upright and steady.

10 measly seconds !

I'm sure the sound of that crack still rang in my ears
When I found myself being hurled...
...up and over that 4 foot chain link fence

Well ...almost over.!

10 second from crack to crack

As the twisted little demon Barb's atop this ...
...this monsterous mangeler of blue jeans
That allowed me to clear enough at that
That final second of that inevetabe conclusion time

As it appears across the mindscreen in full living color
You know that tune and I'm sure at least once
In every adult person's life
Everyone has had to dance to it's tune
Sometimes the rosy vision... was
the outcome and sometimes ...
well hell ...it happens!

So that day my mind was all in
" Gonna win ..gonna win ..please !!!
But the message apparantly failed to inform my knees
Because just as I went to leap -Superman style- over that fence
They decided to chuck it and by that I mean they said " oh F* it!

And me !
I come so close to success ...before
it all became a life-changing mess
I suddenly found I was hanging upside down
,slung across the fence top !ike a wet beach towel across the back of a lawn recliner
my hair was touching the ground
my *** crack smiled a croeeoked sideways grin at all 40 or 50 people
who had come to watch the game

So who could ever find  blame
For my sudden sense of panic as I tried to extracateate myself
Without taking a second to examine my SELF
I myself grabbed two ground level hands full of chainlink fence
As I stared  through it
realizing there were kids up there as well
And as I tried to pull my other half along with where ever I was going  
Then
 finding that around the equator
I was being threatened by those twisted barb's

Was..... is the very oppropriate word here
because I definitely made it worse

A few seconds of calm and cool reflection
would have offered me protection  
And whats the harm of letting an old friend  
See a friends naked crack
as they would have carefully
eased me back onto the infield side

I would have lost a little pride
taken all jokes in stride
as they would tease and deride

After all what's a friend for if a bare *** can come between
But now as I was screaming and bleeding and screaming ****** ******
An exposed bare **** is nothing
compared to what!?
when it's a schiscabobbed ...uh.. that coming between us

Not that I lay- now or even then -
any blame

As I would have done the same
Were I not the the one kicking and bleeding and making it worse
As I kicked and wiggle and dragged out every lifetime learned curse
The little blame I can actually place on them
Would be...
For not calling 911 a little soonerI think
Because people being people
And as  they always want to tell you the card to play
Even when they know the game you play is called soltary
Annoy the game a second or two and move on is
not a big deal I'd say
But as the hesitation time grew long
with all the confusion ..panic and pain
A crowd grew up to add advice ..okay
kinda nice...but a few
Just had to examine
But i was mortified when
without an if you please
a few got down and started taking selfies

parametics arrived and came to my defense haha
I can laugh about it now
but up to that point in my life
I thought...

I thought  that I had thick skin .
You know what  mean !
That is ...
Until the first time I saw those selfies appearing on FB..then all the crap I got was ...!

Oh I know it's out there somewhere ..lurking in the memory banks of the web or cloud
But
For a while
my discomfort seemed to draw a crowd
who had to show me what someone had made and put on the web..all the while
dishing out all the usual advice and telling me
it really wasnt allowed

But my little buddy had found a neich....
and for about 3 yrs that's where it stayed

I have to admit now...
after over ten years since I've seen any activity
On the web
That the human animal
has a weird streak and needs to have their fun
But sometimes it was hard to take
As  they had way too much time and creativity
It was when.  
Some joker added
about 8 foot of extention and was was enabeling it to move around  on the ground
Like a snake ...now that's wrong and that ....
arteest was really twisted
...That I began to wonder if
It would ever end!
....
Oh well! I survived

And all is well in the mortal sense .
In the ensuing 13 yrs .
I've not heard anyone say anything ..
Not in almost 10 years .!.but I have had my fears
Because I have kids now
Five yrs and eight and like they always say ..
Nothing on the web will ever go away
! sooner or later it will raise it's ugl ly he...y!
I've always wondered and worried about that day

So 3 yrs ago I got my first computer and smart phone
Took a night class after trying to figure it all out on my own
And if it's ever gonna come back to haunt me and taunt me or my kids
I'll be able to explain or evade or block or have it removed ,but why ?

What I've now seen out there in the wild wild web is.. well my ...
...emergency
That's what it was .
So..
.that's what I'll say is the truth
And that it isn't even applicable

So I have now decided I will not even try to deny
The fact ,the existence or the truth ..about that..
or any other thing out there ..
In the wild wild web!

Because you see
I had to grow into  that knowledge...
The very fact that you never know

A year ago my wife was killed in a sudden and unexpected way
By a blood clot after a four hour flight delay ..that's what they say .
A thousand miles away and the weather... the kids.   nothing  I could do but be a dad
Wait for the people who do their jobs
working out all the details
as I try to gently soften what was going to be bad

A week after the internment I took the suitcase off the bed
Wondering if I could sleep in it again
or back to the recliner where I had been...
instead
For pure reasons of distracting
I spent some time ..a lot of time unpacking
As I put her things away

The dresses I hung with lingering care
in that part of the closet where
she had claimed dominion

The shoes in the boxes and neatly stacked.....
just the way she would have done it

All the assundries I sat back into that overcrowded and complex
array
on the bathroom vanity

Her cell phone and tablet I simply slipped into the top bureau drawer
It was where she tried
(  Laughingly  )
It was her attempt at keeping it away from
our then 5 year old son.

But he and Amelia each had their own
fully operational from day one
but that honor
Came with the promise
that they would ask me first
and always ask about
what they see or hear

So it sat there in her drawer for over two years and would have stayed forever... if

If I had not backed over mine last Saturday morning .  
I dicided it was important that I'm accessable for the kids
And we would have had the same basic apps and ...okay games
She used her for work a lot so I knew it would not ...have been
All that valuable to me.  
In ...
the way it was
and I was not...at all
ready for change ...yet!

Then, just about 30 minutes ago
when I suddenly pulled into this parking lot and... ....well!
I'll just make it real simple ....the first thing that happened after it charged up and I turned it on
Was this...
It  started playing the 4 songs we sang ...tegether at a karioke bar the night before
she flew to Maine

And after they finished
her sweet .lovely voice started talking to me
as if...
... we were in our kitchen or living room!
And it was..
... within the first 10 seconds
of hearing her speak
I felt my composure crack !

She said ..
,
I've talked to you Jack every free moment I get when I'm away
for all the years we've been together

And filed it in compressed form for you and the kids ..just because .
..
..you never know..
but I want you to know this.
I hope that hearing me speak to you it's like I'm there
And talking to you
Like I do makes it seem like you are always here
So...
It's in a file you will find that's named ...
My forever love
.
So...yeah!
It's a crazy wild wild web world out there... but you know ...sometimes good appears just because .because you never know !!

The world split open
And the tears poured out
Love all around me
And it's all about
Things I know
Things I see
Things that are going on
Inside of me
And I look
And I see
And I feel
What I feel... What I feel
Its all real really really really really real

Doors will open
Doors will close
Life has its highs
And life has its lows
The course of a river
Is the course that it chose
And it keeps on living
As long as it flows  ....
And it flows ....and it flows ... And it flows
On and on and on ...it goes

Open up the blank door
To liquid thought
Pour out ideas over the hollow earth
Watch plastic people as they get caught
For violations of their birth
Crawl into your hole of fiery dirt
Close the door upon your fears
Stay inside so you don't get hurt
And lose the delicate years

If it is - as they say
then GOD slammed
a couple of doors - in my face
yesterday
It wasn't like I had not seen
that long haulway
set out before me
door after door...
...wide open - just as far
As I could see

So...maybe...just maybe
I was or chose to be
unaware...as they
began to slowly close

As I sailed along oblivious
to what was - not...
..to what I miss
and then...BLAM
so quick the second
that I never heard it slam
what with my momentum
roaring at full hum

I knew right then
that my...
just now ex-friend
had created a wound
believed to be one
that would never mend
which was...
at that juncture
very much right

Right....no!NO! wrong!
Right then
was that time to stop and think
About the depths
I was or was not
willing
to allow myself to sink!


" You Know," I said " Its Been In
Your Head...from the moment!"

That moment - months ago
when that bridge was crossed
Set ablaze - burned to a crisp
no way back
across the divide
me
on one side
looking back
Across that void
regretfully seeing
the uttered...not muttered
words that I had heard
and wishing right then
that that moment
had never occurred!

As two white men we be
talking about BLM
as suddenly one would decide,
to deride , not implied
but simply replied
"But it's not the right time!!!"

I sat there agape
repulsed...
as if hearing
fingernails scrape
across a chunk of slate
married to an indigenous
blessed with beautiful indigenous offspring
who carried that native appeal
grandchildren as well- wait....WAIT!!

I wanted to scream "Are you MAD- RRRrrr Uuuuuu InSANE?

With motors overheating
I loosed that string
let that hot-air balloon
rise up and steadily drift away
carrying off a friendship ( of sorts )
a favor in the act
where wise men stop
to think..instead of react!

into the wind I watched it sail
as I stepped gracefully
back from the rail
Stopping dead in my tracks

So...was I surprised
as I watched...
... those doors
SlaMMing shut
so abruptly
amid today's nevermores?
YES! ...sort of
I guess you might say
but I pulled up my anchor
set sail on calm waters
Jettisoning my rancor
starting with reasoning
seasoning
tamping down any hot embers
"Small fish of'n ave big tales!"
I read on a strangers porch
just today along my travails
My mind...
..suddenly remembers!

At first just a smallest of smiles
existed on my unwilling face
Before the laughter erupted
washing away all of it away...
...without leaving a trace!

   $mall price to be paying
that bridge so selfishly ignored
which turns out - as you knew
t'was not a payment...you willingly could afford!!

Then that breeze
blew over me..
...refreshingly cool/
replenishing me
more than I believed
was my right to be hopin'

A bestgone friend
a few hundred lost
so much was gained
than was to be lost
when all those windows did suddenly open!

That is today's truth...
...my reality lesson.

peace!!

There are those days best forgotten
In solemn silence all begotten
Comes fear and fire
and all that's rotten
In what seems
suddenly ..to be
my lot in life

Life is lived in cost-conscious revisions
Applied like mud poultices
Upon all daily impositions
Inclined to find
the weakest point
in the structure
Eating at you
in silent observation
Of your salient need for salvation as it ***** your
soul
Into the void
where all lost causes
Seek redemption
For all wasted time unspent
In cost - conscious
Solemn silence
When fear and fire
And all things rotten
Were what should
have been forgotten
Instead of all that
you left
unbegotten

Hey you
Who raised sanctimonious
Erroneous
Viper blood spitting
Reactive element
Awaiting contributions
Vitriol
That you all
Provided even though
It must have collided
With those Christian values
You once made me
Believe
That you truly possessed
Never could I have guessed
How far
Values have digressed
I see no compatibility
Humility or the ability
To cultivate compassion
So in my heart of hearts
It will be just another ...
of  those things...
We're so short of that we will have to ration

Slide back
The swinging  pendulum
That's tied to our lives
Swinging too fast for many
Not fast enough for some
The time soon arrives
With ringing  bells
And singing chimes
The minutes tick away
Like so many other times
It's now another day

TIME WILL TELL US WHEN ITS TIME!
I am beginning to realize the depths of corruption ,and absolute hatred necessary  to fracture the very  foundation that is needed for any  civilization to exist within the framework of world history,!  Time alone dictates when tribalism becomes the natural antidote for the ills of entrenched  governments- not ones borne of true rule of law or any visionary enmeshed enlightenment,- but one simply conjured up by the latest charlatans of any era. The ability of persuasion is probably more powerful when introduced to the upward mobile societies because the very same momentum that is required to navigate the rise is also the fuel that will widen the gap between the haves and the have-nots.
   No government ( as we understand such elements today)  could step into power here and make a balancing  attempt short of totalitarian austerity, simply because those who have become the rich and powerful riders are not concerned by who , what why or how they are allowed to ride so comfortably up the rise . No! Sadly they only care about their seat, and making it secure for themselves and theirs, not the multitudes of laboring, hungry ,abused, and neglected who have found their life is simply 1 of 2 choices . 1 is to just push and survive for themselves and therefore their families or quit pushing and try to get out of the suddenly backsliding monster , hoping to salvage something - anything - from the eventual catastrophic collision as the future propels itself into the reality of an ever looming past ; that is time itself and cannot be stopped. Certainly not  by our insignificance, no matter how vainglorious we believe we are !  In the end, - as in any beginning -  time has shown that we are nomads to entrenched stone fortresses... back to nomads.. to bigger, stronger fortresses that never hold forever- time sees to that as it passes by.. ,carrying the latest brand of tribal nomads with it and crushing all in its wake. The world ,- I fear - has never seen the likes of the  American  
nomads, who are now being manufactured as we stand here today ,arguing about what MAGA means and what bathrooms should be used . In Federal terms AGAIN indicates a return to something we were... which is something time simply will not allow , as those riding high and unconcerned are determined to see for themselves as it flashes before their eyes . I am no longer pushing or encouraging others ,who may believe a rest will exist when we reach the crest. No crest exists because time is constant ,it's march always steady and it's path is a flat endless plane while we create the rise and angle of ascent  in mathmatical precision ...calculated by the number of ,and energy needed, by the ones   pushing-multiplied by the unknown factor of X (what it takes to stay alive )
.   Hungry, hopeless ,frightened, sick and neglected people cannot( no matter the good will and pride )  keep going if more energy output only steepens the angle. Time runs this show and you know what that saying is ...only time will tell.
Absolutely correct ...only this go round we may still have an internet connection linking us back to who you were and what you did to your family name . That will be your legacy ,but it may well be the heavy chain of shame that your children and  grandchilren will bear the weight of for generations to come- and only you know why they are sentenced to do your time as  the Amercan version of untouchables

It never was in me
To believe
In realities
That I could not concieve
Although.I could not say
What alternatives to perceive
That would be a fair exchange
For what fate may arrange
Doubts create uncertainty
But so does faith in hope
And living in the neutral zone
May be a safer place to stand
If you can accept - you stand alone
Outside the bubble that you build
The world will still evolve
As the mysteries of life unfold
Are no longer up to me to solve
As for standing on the sidelines
It's not really ever the same
So I have walked away from the field of play
No longer in the game .
Can't say it was or wasn't fun.
All I can say is ....IM DONE!

I'm a bit .....overwhelmed
And I had no way of knowing
I put my nickel down
And the PEERS started flowing

Suddenly
It seemed to me...that I had
Hit the motherlode

Every heart sent and every poem read
Is worth more than gold to me
As the honesty sparkles like diamonds
        With every word you've said

So if you would indulge me -my ramblings
While I WANT to stay awake this night
To answer all
Alas I've hit the wall

My brain and my eyelids are having
One heck of a fight

One thing I WILL not do
For love , money or fame
Is rush through the precious words
That you've given life to
Your babies

So in closing --my eyes closing--
Becoming one with the night
I want to say...that I have been welcomed
As a new kid(old man)
Onto this site(i love it here) onto your block

Much  like when I was a youngster
And the cool looking dude said
"Hey kid  You wanna play?"

"ME ?  SURE!  THANKS.)
And so I .......put my nickel down.     HELLO.
THANK YOU ELIOT YORK.

It  ain't always fiction
And you' ll feel that friction
When you get dragged across...
... those memories
That are as rough as cobblestone
And you know that means you
really are...  really really really are
all alone

Bleeding like rain from all your wounds
That you ignored  
Or tried to - for so long
Like trying to find happiness
While listening
Listening to the saddest tunes

Cant ever really dance
When you are broke in half
No matter how hard you try
Cannot turn those painful days
Into good nights by trying to fake a laugh

When you know
That you still leave a trail
Everywhere  you go
from the sharp edge of each fine detail

When you are being dragged
over those
Cobblestone memories
as it keeps all
those wounds bleeding - just like water flows

And you know...OH YEAH!
Yeah you really know
That it will take some time
To allow your SELF to really heal
Both your body and your mind
Until one day
You take a chance
and glance behind ...To find
exactly what you need
That you did indeed... manage to succeed
In weathering out the storm

Because ...BECAUSE...

though the wounds do still exist
you see that they no longer bleed
Cobblestone ...Cobblestone
Time to allow my memories
To stand on their own
Whatever they turn out to be
Whatever they turn out to be....TO ME!

,, when I find no ground
Beneath my feet
I know that I am
Totally incomplete
So I hover here
Invisible-  to everyone
Even to myself I know
So I can't decide what to do
Or which way to go
Because there is…
... No direction
When everything looks the same
Can't be lost
Can't be found
I can not open up
You cannot shut me down
I can't find my way back
Or even move ahead
Can't remember the last thing I heard
Or the last thing that I said

There's no religion
No mantras echoing in my head
way down deep inside
Not even a buzzing sound
To remind me that I'm alive
No places to run away from
Or even to run to

No answers to the questions
That I don't even have
No place I need to be
Or distances I need to go
No guiding hand to lead me
Along the invisible Trail
No cheering crowds ...
…...encouraging me to win
Nothing to measure…
… the degree to which I fail

I live in limbo
Suspended in a warp of time
As erratic as I am static
Getting further and further
away from what
Once I was supposed to be
Even though I really know
I'm a million little pieces of me
Moving at the speed of light

, even though I really know
That I am here suspended
In this uncomfortable chair
So long now I have
hovered here
Can't feel my body
Can't feel my legs
Everything has gone to sleep
, Eyes Wide Open as I
Fall into the deep
Burning down and I'm burning out
Like a lit and derelict cigarette
As I keep  scattering little pieces of me
All over the world…
... By way of the internet

I am totally incomplete!

Wagons **
Time to roll
. Got 1500 miles
And many lives to go
See the once great proud men
That the wind could never Bend
Going where white man sends

The Trail of Tears
Is paved with blood
From the people forced to leave
The land that they loved
Trail of Tears
The Dead End Road
That we're doomed to trod again
Or so the wise men told

The Native Son
In a foreign land
Pushed until he's down
So he has to have a hand
To raise him up
Upon his feet
Never raises his eyes
Cause  he knows
That he's been beat

Now he walks into the sun
Getting near to the end
Of what the white man has begun
Took away...
... All hopes and pride
Sent them all away
Dead and dying deep inside

Trail of Tears
Is paved with blood
Of the people forced to leave
The land that they love

See the once great proud men
That the wind ...
       ....could never Bend
Going where
The white man sends
. Got 1500 miles and many lives to go

Irony often oozes the blood stain
That history will use to paint
An honest portrait of erstwhile deeds
Or to turn some altered soul to saint
Few are those that exist within the mist
Who loom larger than the shadow portrays
And seldom does a shadow exist undiminished
By the dreariest of all darkest days
So when seeking blood in passionate resolve
There comes a mordant aberration of unheralded stature
Rising to fly above mortal attributes into unremitted immortality
By assiduous conviction born of monstrous evil of unparalleled scale

Born among the Carpathian mountains
From the ancient and mysterious Transylvanian forests
One who seeks blood for righteous alliterations
Not for glory but for the saving grace
A quest to alleviate all alien allagory   alligned along the meandering memories of non-mordant minded men

No imagery conjured by Bram Stoker thru Van Helsing
Encompasses the unmitigated reality seen
The lifelong - still beating strong - near century long shadow of the denizen of our brightest outlook

The creation of circumstance as much as man ( unkind ) made

Maybe unheralded by too many
For such a knave am I so sorely cursed now...
With shame
I ...who have always strived
to drape myself
in the raiment of the eternal optimist
Now pay overdue homage to the true and absolute optimist
     BEN FERENCZ.... Is his name
Seek out his story now ..
.while he still lives
Reach back ..
Into those dark, dreary days
To share what history gives
and you will see what he means
    when he say's     
" I'm Right. "
     For I truly know that he is!  
     
 Keith w. Fletcher
      Humbled by the humanity exhibited.

Lucid moments give no relief
To the age ravaged carapace lying there
Suspended in a time warp conundrum
As fragile as last nights dreams become
Once the eyes open --triggering delete
But not for this carapace
For last nights dreams don't retreat
Vivid is the absolute epitome
Of dreamloop interlocking reality
Dead reckoning eyes beckoning
For a listener of the silent air
To look past the myopic rheuminations
And see the plea desperately flashing
While the lucid light is lit
Flickering like a candle in the wind
True ........but it's there to be seen
As the morning nurse rehearses
The stale and staid routine
Of caring for -without caring about
The warehouse stock beyond the count
The silent ones or the ones that shout
All add up to their final amount
To that
Someone is alway paying attention
Its a hell of a world were all so busy building

"Help me ..please help me...please ...
....Its not a dream"
The eyes scream
As the tears begin to stream
"Look you stupid *****
Can you not recognize
Do you not realize I'm still in here
I still exist
I can't resist ... I CANNOT RESIST."
The neon eyes stop flickering
As they watch the potential savior
Continue the daily routine
Out the door and onto more
Beseaching eyes in the next room
The next ward
Taking stock
Assessing the value of
The mechanism---as a whole
No thought to the poor soul
Suffering beyond the loss of body control
And in lucid  horror the terror
Suddenly
Appears in the doorway
White garbed attendant -cigarette smell in tow
Leaning in to show a sickly grin
Whispering to the carapace
"I'm going home now...no need to cry
I'll be around to see you tonight."
Then looking straight into her eyes
"You can't tell nobody
And I know you really like it
Don't you.? Yeah you do! "

Draped across my consciousness
Like a poor and lost.. discarded raincoat Dripping incessent puddles on the ancient floorboards
That gather as they run the cracks
Forming a mystic moat
That surrounds the outer bounds
Of the sad and crumbling Castle
Once built by the sheer force of imagination
Back when nothing held the reins
And the Spirit Ran wild upon the Nation Now in fear we seek to wall the border Bar the windows ..chain the doors Keeping out the rebel forces
Closing in the choking air of despair Reliving bygone glories
Of those Fairytale  stories
About when we once led
The armies of unconventional thinking That sought to expand the borders
Not let those moat puddles
Start us sinking
We once took pride in keeping the castle walls plied
With the hope of fresh new mortar
Walls keep dangerous out ?
Hear me .. yeah maybe so
But a stagnation Nation
Reaches no new elevation
Past being draped across the conscience Like a poor , lost and discarded imagination
Torn down .... by the sheer force of trepidation

there are those that claim
that you - no you!- no you are to blame
so what is the truth?
when it really comes to be
that which was ignored..
...may have cost more
than anyone of us....
....you or I could afford

For power is often salacious
to those most most perverse
intent on halting all progression
putting the gears into reverse
meeting lawful non-conformance
with overbearing aggression
for them - any question becomes resistance
and reason for unreasonable oppression

long before ever existed our constitution
when Kingly whims were sacrosanct
John Adams spoke of that to come
as a nation of laws - not of men
And that would be great if only twer true
for so often these days and times
they don't apply to I and I
only to you and you.    

I am who you must obey  until you become I - YOU have naught to say
you must comply -you must...
"YOU MUST OBEY!
...WHAT EVER I SAY FOR YOU youyouyou to do ! you must do!"

You may have been lucky enough to claim
Wasn't here ...didn't make the rules
meaning that I'm not... I'm not... I'm not to blame
I see no unjust inequality here ... being done to you
don't blame me because I'm not you
and we are not the same
  just submit and obey ... do whatever is said
by the mini- Kings of the day
until comes that time
when there are no more"yous" to abuse
the gun barrel... seeks out a new target stance
if then and only then
my friend... you realize
what many of us already do
that as a nation of laws..
... not of men
if all men "created equal" really is true
we are all the same ...who do we blame
for having not a clue...not realizing
that we are US And I am you?

Lights are flashing like a panic
Doesn't seem that romantic
To me
But I'm getting caught up
And all the things you bought up
For me
So I just lay back
While you plan your attack
On me
All this smoke and Noise
Seems to take away the joys
From me
I think that I'm tripping on more than just ecstasy
Somewhere I found a crack in your philosophy
So now I know you're Human After All
I used to look up to you like you were 10 feet tall
I see the smoke in the mirrors did just appear
When you saw that happ'nin i saw you melt with fear
You can't stand to look at what you have become
And in my head the words are pounding
Like a madman taking a baseball bat to a drum
I seen you now without your Pretenders cloak
What a joke
I can't imagine all the times I just fell in line
Now it's a sign
Take a left at the next turn
Don't worry about the red light it ain't your concern
You can take a U-turn maybe then you'll find something to learn
You can't pay for love that you didn't earn
So I'll be getting out at the corner
So you can go play the mourner
And you can ***** yourself then
I'm not just another ten pin
For you to knock down on your way to make a score
And you ain't worth no money
Even though you ain't nothing but a *****

Lights are flashing like a panic
Doesn't seem that romantic
To me
And I may still be Trippin
But it ain't on no ecstasy

Even if
Planned
Were the directions
As obsolete
As the reasons
For the journey
Once no one
But you
Was interested
And what lay ahead

Even if we were
To go along
There would be
Arguments
About where to stop
Where to go
Or which stations
To listen to
On the radio

Not like today
Where silent miles
Whirl Away
Beneath those
Encapsulated
That listen to
Which emanates from
Whichever source
Now substitutes
For the arguments
And the compromises

All in all
I wonder if the Riders
In the cocoons
Of
Independent
Absentee
Interactions
Realize what it is
That they
Will someday find
Was missing

So much hope held hostage
by halidom forces
chills the blood
That pulsates and courses
Through
the currents of life
as we subject ourselves
to astralis forces
To create excuses or hope
In lives so fleeting
Among those nocturnal dreams
That always seems
to conjure selcouth reasons
Mysteries we fear
Like gargoyles about to pounce
Any time you are near
And yet you know they are static fixtures of their domicile
Not some archangel in their power
for they
like all Earthly things
Are subjected to an aeolean fate
that eventually will subdue
While far down below
we seek to serry ourselves
Against the fears inside
by non-symmetrical alliances
non - starters for so many "enlightening" humans
I think not
For those fears that we trust
are often all that we remember
Not all that we forgot
no power assumes
To consume... except the ones we've misjudged
Always trust oneself !

Lunacy  zigs and zags...
...across time and history
like crudely sewn patches
On the knees ...
...of childhood dreams !

People often think
By The Poetry that I write
That I live in a dark place
Devoid of warmth or light
Though there is no basis in reality or fact
I think I'm just stepping in or out
Depending on your own point of View
Breathing in any dank air to empathize with the doubt
So rarely do I reflect so Direct
As to aim  at the poet
Who I hang around
Like a torn and tattered raincoat
Maybe not the most beautiful
But it's the best one I've ever found
For it tells my story like a painting or a book

Allowing me to recognize those eyes
That can't hide their first opinion
That feeds my poets poetic fires- so they get the job -- I do the work
Where I only seek to raise my own standards
Not to bring anyone else down to size
If the elevation lifts my spirit
While their own opinion is a tether
Not allowing them to rise

So if the shadow of a shadow in Twilight
Is ever visited by a bright star of pure honesty
Then the poet gleams until it seems
Like I become pristine
So bright  becomes the poets light
The holes still do exist in all reality
They're just harder for some to see

By no means does that deny
Any imperfections or my own personal flaws
It's the poet in me that gets the Inspirations
From Bright Lights - Shadow Sprites Coming to the poets cause
That wander in every now and then
Bringing fresh air - blowing away that which is stale
So lovely one  I want you to know - you're fresh air and a gentle breeze
Who has moved me in immeasurable ways - by putting life back
Into my once sagging sails

I was sitting there uncomfortably satisfied
Amid the discarded flotsam
Of fast food wrappers  and paper cups
At the crossroads of my life
An oddly familiar stranger just offered me a ride
Although I could use one I heard myself decline
And I had to ask myself "Why .. Did ......you ..do that?
So I fixed my mind
on that
unexepected response
Emanating from beyond the confines of my consciousness
Was it the fact that I
don't know
which way to go
Or haughty pride
at them not being around earlier
When I trudged along
the rough shoulder of life
Tired ...
...hot and thirsty
hungry for more
than just food
I could have really used
a lift
from just the offer itself
I like to think I'm not  ...
not that shallow
but I.D.K. I really don't
Maybe that's the riddle
The answer to know
What I need to do
to figure out
which way I need to go
That's what I want to believe is the reason I didn't leave
But like I said earlier
about sitting
uncomfortably satisfied
Among all those things people
choose
to discard these days
it seems like
Everyone I know
anymore
are oddly familiar to me
So for a while
right or wrong
I'll hang out here
as it appears
to me
to be ...where
I think that I belong

Putting out the money
Going to buy me a line
Paying for my funeral
20 bucks at a time

Gonna burn myself out
A form of self- cremation
Ashes to ashes... Scattered
Among the Genesis of my creation

If you are using
What's doing the using
And what's being used

If you are abusing
What's doing the abusing
And what's being abused

If that place where you exist
Keep shrinking day after day
And seems to be something you missed
Even though it was sold off every time that you pay

Understand that this is no lecture
Just tidbits - hints - observations and lessons to me
Pulled out, up and in as conjecture
Expanding those Horizons with moderation as the key

I believe avoiding all forms of addiction
Is like trying to catch Moonbeams  in the palm of your hand
No prediction needed to predicate predilection

No excuse...
But the speed of that which we produce
With addictive qualifications
Could rival the oceans ability to produce Sand and Gravel
Wave upon wave just churning it out

Then when...
The whole mess turns into big business

Again I have to wonder...
Who's being used and who's doing the using
Who's being abused and who's doing the abusing

Too often too many find their last hope
Was all ******* at the end of the rope

Understand me... Don't...
Underestimate me!

I didn't cry
As we said goodbye toss and turn
and gently weep
Should I fail to fall right off to sleep
Or endeavor to sever any sense of remourse rising up... along
the course of my day should I see
the extra key
now hung on the hook, or a stray ...
paperback book
as I put up ...that...now
extra coffee cup  
or anything else
that seems out of place designed
to leave the trace
of a tear down my face nor have I felt any sense of dread concerning that
half empty bed
Consciously choosing to fall asleep
on the couch
or recliner instead
nor have I felt any nostalgic bite
when rolling over
in the chill of the night finding no one there
to cling to
I do not choke up
when I read or hear the same phrases
or words
used elsewhere
That was said
between ....us
as we broke up  
no driving miles
out of my way
or checking my emails  over and over each day no practice calls creating phrases looking for
the right words  
not one of these things has brought any tears any pain
but I'm crying now ...as I'm realizing how unfair it is to see
by what I just shared how little I must have cared....
...... that truly makes me sad!

I let them know
Later it was opened
But noone ever entered
Eventually I let myself sleep.

I REALLY DO MISS OUR
         MISSING 51st    
state, now that its gone...
  I realize how beautiful
  the state of bliss really was!

What comes from those meandering thoughts
those sinister plots
that circumvent
all the effort that had been spent
creating naught but verbal rot
and  seditious dissent
bought
by consistent repetition
of thoughts never spoken
and statements never meant
of pressures applied
until all reason is bent
what forces the changing courses
of rivers, realities and those minds....when
 allowing up to define down
or out to equate in
such are the vagaries
plaguing the World As We Know It
yet we seem to descend
into the deepest..... darkest...
.... season of treason
our history has yet to record
no one has the wealth
or knowledge to ever afford
what it would cost
to buy back all that's lost
if all that exists
becomes Lost In The Mists
of times Eternal March
and we become the total sum
of nothing more than some hollow-core
experiment
that came and went
from grand and great
to an untimely fate
by so many who denied
that truth is self-evident
letting those who lied
. decide
what truth is or isn't ...
..to be accepted
and to be applied
when alternate facts are nonexistent
yet absolute
once they take root
Allowed to grow out of control
destroying the very foundation
that supported what started out
as ...
history and humanities
greatest creation.