I wouldn't take it so hard

If the Atm kept my card

I've never stood in suspense

Wondering if it would dispense

Some cash needed at 3 am

In fear that makes you shiver

That's so stupid to not know

Someone who will front and deliver

No i never have had an atm problem

And to you that may sound funny

But i would never do that on account

Of my account ain't never got no money.

Not since i quit being a nice guy , a giver

Who came by at 3 am to front and deliver!

We used to stand on promises
That are no good anymore
We've stood on the immortality
Of youth
Till it's gone too

Doubts assail my head
Cynicism seems to be the rule
Life can be so bitter hard
And people so **** cruel

I used to trust my brother
You see I ....
Thought he was my friend

But things have this way
Of working out..when cynicism
Rules the end

We used to stand on promises
But thats all in the past
We've stood inside our
Empty dreams ....DREAMS
Made of glass

Don't promise what you cannot be
Because... I don't really care
You see
I've played those kind
Of games before
And they never got me nowhere

Well I used to have a lover
Who was
Really more a friend
Those days are all
Behind us now

Because cynicism ruled again....
      ....the bitter bitter End

We used to believe
In promises
Of hope and love and peace
But now that need
Has been
Replaced with greed
I need to be released
From these games
That we're playing

I don't want to play no more
Don't know the rules and I'm ..
..tired of keeping score

So....Promise me
That you will be
A friend till the end.....
..So ..I can believe
In those promises.......again!
Again.

Make Love not war
Make peace not pieces
Break bread not treaties
never stops until it ceases
To be a trade off...
... Instead of a trade up
A right of passage
Instead of passing our rights
Like they are non- existent
Ghostly memories of...
Dead cars on highway shoulders
Oil stained ,shattered diamond pieces
Shimmering in the afternoon sun
Ominous reflections at the periphery
Of the headlamps nighttime gaze
among the maze
Of shadowed voids
and truncated  moments of reflective light
Gone as quickly as they appear
Just as I fear will besmirch
any rising hope seen... feared.... disappeared
In a disallusioned world weary quest
To accept what is ,what was and what wasn't as what will be
Simply because there are too many
Who want to make war & not love
and shatter into pieces ...all talk of
...or chances for true peace
Remember the drama, hopes and pain
That bit of chrome or reflective red plastic
Tells to those rushing by
from time to endless time
Your story awaits your presence
Somewhere up the line

Half the room
it does consume
One half the bond
Within the tomb
Lies quiet amid
all light now gone
silent is ...
what now does loom
Over
what now remains anon
Unaware?  would not
presume to assume
Or to lay measure of
or in way of thought
upon naught
For none know what abides the womb
That within
the paranorm
of any paragon
Just what may pass between
the illum of light
Or the inate
whims of fate
As a form....once torn
Again becomes
one baby born
all norm and warm  and a petrified mass that accepted
The fact
that a lack of room inside the womb
would mean a tomb
for one
or a tomb for two
Then did
what.....
it had to do!

there was never anybody
in my life but you
I never really saw it
because I didn't have a big enough view
to really see it...
....for what it always was

When my life got tough
and I fell on my face
I would  have been lost
if you hadn't given me a place

To rest...to take a deep breath
you said ..." its just what a real friend does !'

when I got stronger and  could stand
-on my own two feet
making  myself a promise that those
mistakes made I would never ever  repeat

so the one I  made should have shocked me awake
but I guess I never felt even the slightest buzz

then came that day I finally slowed down
taking a look around and back at people I had met
you stood out like a bright light in the darkest dark
I knew nothing would ever ease the pang of regret

for not realizing how important you
and what you did for me really was

Or for not seeing you
for who   you really were
how it never did occur ...to me ...
...that you had to be
the one person
that gave me everything

everything I've got in my life
I want you to know -I owe - to you
so anything I have - if you need it
then it's yours simply because... it always was
but I guess I forgot the words you once said

" its just what a real friend does !"

I'm on the border
of insanity
peering into the void
of infinity
wondering what is to be
my destiny

distant Rider on the Open Range
I see him clearly
I feel so strange
Vision circle inside
and it seems ....
...I'm along for the ride
Restless rider -death defier always on the run
mystifier
with a deep desire
to out shine the sun
his race
has just begun
jump the gun
jump the gun
Trails of dust in the desert sky
fire -eyed Riders going by
shut your doors
**** the Lights
theres a demon  
on the run tonight
Run  
the hounds of hell
are on your trail
and they're
never going to let you go
Never Gonna Let You Go

Someone recently told me your name
But I already knew...who you were
I've known you for almost......
      ....my entire life!
You are the one who inhabits my dreams
   when life is calm and the good time occur.
  So I do hope to see you again...and soon!

If you could truly imagine
What it would be like to be blind
From birth or later in life …..obviously would change your state of mind
yet either course would be a source
of altered apperceptions …deceptions and apparitions
So that which was never seen
May or may not really mean
the same to those who once could see
therefore there are  those
who choose to believe
that they can conceive
by concept and projection
the differences…. that lay between
weak or strong-right or wrong
all truths remain
subjects to
the status of ..
   that portal to the mind
and in what way
one chooses and uses
their power of perception

Consider for a moment
What might life be like
were you unable to hear
to never know all
those things
being unaware of caused you to miss
from chirping birds
to a honking horn
of bitter scorn
or one whose purpose was to warn
for again we find
it's all intwined
with the threshold
at the doorway of
…an open or closed mind!

You might believe you can conceive
what life without arms would entail
a body without legs..or both
begs considerations
few able-bodied choose to make
as they pass by…
diverting their eye
to get beyond and leave them in your wake
sad how quickly that was accomplished
physically …at least
but how it's done mentally, emotionally,
or morally
is for each to deal with in turn
with lingering regret
or complete absence
of concern
ones own life moves on
in every sense of the word…until suddenly it doesn't
and maybe then you  realize
what you imagined wasn't anything like you thought
Think about that next time you wake up
get dressed,
grab your keys and walk out to your car,
tune up some media,
check the mirror view,
back up a bit
and move forward into your day …as you encounter someone crowding into your lane,
cutting you off as if you were unseen,
as they rush to leave you behind..
be they unconcerned by your honking
distracted by the real world
or within the vagaries of their mind
barely missing you
as they run the light
and you wonder, mumble or yell out " Are you deaf or are you blind?
Then go see what you can do about propping open or removing what exists …at the threshold of …
Otherwise you need to accept that they were just people moving forward in their lives.
no different than you are….if you cannot truly imagine anything like that…then I feel sorry for your loss.

You may not have
the Sword of Damocles
hanging
over your head
or a gathering
of monsters
under your bed
but that does not mean
you have not a shred
of worries to ponder
or things you should dread

sometimes...
... when the road seems clear
is that time
to deal with
some thing you
may secretly fear
at a place
and at a time
of your own choosing
unless ....of course
.... your only true fear
is that of sometimes losing

for there and then
you will have
given in
to those
never-ending battles
seemingly never lost
while treading water
awash in a war
none ever win.

People always say
" You will eat those words!"
and I think how stupid it is
to believe that...
as your words are more likely to eat you, than the other way round.

As I stand here .
Casting no shadow
It's either high noon
Or total darkness
Either way
I see it as if
It's all out of tune
In its starkness

We all try to live
Our lives
In these...... fragile
Insulated bubbles
That we hope will
keep in ...all our
sacred secrets
And keep out
All the troubles

But I just do not
Understand
How we've gotten so
Bogged down
Fog bound
That we
Just  keep goin
Round and round
Round and round

These same old circles
Over and over
The same old ground
Getting in
Deeper and deeper
And a little bit deeper

Deep deep
Deep  deep
Deep deep
Deeper as we try
The best we can
To pretend
Not to notice
NOT TO CARE,!!
GOOD GOD MUD CHUCKER !!
Are you such a stupid sucker
That you would rather
Let the world die
As you continue to
Lie the lie that you deny
That you were sold

Even now you hang on to
What you got hung up on
Getting in deeper and deeper
At every turn
The air is thin
Yet deeper and deeper
With every turn
Safely ensconced
In the fragility
Of that insulated bubble

So tell me ...WHY
That man with a shovel
Is wiping away who we were
      Where we've been
Covering up all our knowledge
And the deep hole
That you deny  we're in.

There's no time... Like the present
To turn around
To turn around and walk away
You know sometimes I feel it
And I know
And I know
There's just nothing that I need to say
Why do I put myself out
To the edge
Of the pitfall
When I should  have just
Kept my back
Kept my back up against the wall

Is it just ....because
I let myself be
Just another believer
In a world
That's so often ruled
By the next... Inspired deceiver
That tries to get through
My best defense

And in the way
That comes across as so
As so... as so... so so so so
INTENSE
That it leaves me
Crumpled up
Like something that's ready
To  be tossed away
Discarded...
... into that bin - overflowing
With the constant flow
Of the broken hearted

Should have just kept my back
Up against the wall
Up against the wall

Mirror- mirror' on the wall
How far in -
            Could I fall
If I found I was losing touch
Or if I leaned in-a little too much
Would  YOU take me away
Would I then -be in
Everything I chose to say

Will I lose control
As my image begins to grow
Every time I look at you
Will I get a different view


How far in --How far in
How far in--could I really fall?

Sometimes it gets so crowded
That I don't know what to do
If I had somewhere else to go I'd be there instead ...

...of standing here

There are those times I wish
That I could simply disappear
But I don't know how or where
That could be ..because you see

It's always going to be crowded
Inside.......
         ........ my
                 ...........head !!

The light strains in vain
to maintain
some distance from the stain
and does so without hope
to win this battle waged
for times eternal
it tries ,denies,
yet nothing
buys
what lies... beyond
the boundaries pre-subscribed
to which each must abide
as shadows grow
and darkness drops
over the land and souls
humans have learned
to push back
by flickering flame
and ever present
incandescent
A tribute to our ability
To find solutions
through evolutions
of failures facts and follies
yet we find a will and way
to stay
a tentative yet relative
hold upon the control
of power over dark and light
except within
the hearts of them
That allow only darkness
to permeate their soul
as it takes a bitter toll

If only I could find
A way to communicate
Before I should succumb
To some inevitable fate
They even now... sit resolute
Upon my mind's perimeter fence
Like vultures drawn to  "mordum"

The pointless word now sentral to the view I will not yield... but use it as my shield to be the pointless compass and to help any who get lost
Now if that's not cold... Then I must be Jack Frost!

So my last poem has arrived
Upon the wings of eviscerated lips
That rendered down from my own skin
From which these soulless words were ripped

Understanding or not makes no head way
Into the scornful Stormfront of all future chaos
As we fight and fail this complex front
That slams us with the Futures disregard  - as it will discard
Those volumes of words that do get tossed
Away.....
,,,,,, and into.....
.... A bitter past while reverting humans to gestures or a grunt
And poetry become so abject and simple to execute or write
Where any deal made without real knowledge
Come Sans of a way to ever measure cost

For I admit I am a helpless victim
A problem Fading into rust
A sightless eye that sees all
Without knowing who to trust

A quandary in search of a question
A question that has no voice
That has fallen into a old and deep and hidden well
Unknown to all... So keep searching... Or Surrender... As those be our only choice

Pausing in the doorway
Of my new life to be
Trying my best to recognize
Anything familiar that I see

But a landscape so unfamiliar
Stares back at my form
As if to echo what I already knew
That I... like it... was way out of the norm

As the twilight encompassed
All the picturesque hues
I knew that I was delinquent
In my obscurant obfuscated dues

A voice from my inner sanctum
Kept pounding out the same refrain
Yet no clear thoughts escaped the misty harbor
As a fog of contention muffled sounds like lights on a country lane

Still in this doorway I find myself
No movement or direction has yet occured
For change is not easy to accept ...even
If all but the acceptance has already occurred

So the last vestige of immortality
Sometimes rests on that single second of time
That is suspended in some evolutionary respite
When space  intrusively obscures pushing in from behind

When all I am asking ...
... Is a moment to pause
Making allowance...
... Of what is now being entwined

Trouble comes and trouble goes
It's how we handle it that shows
Just how much our humanity grows
In the face of absolute destruction

Sometimes our pains rains like hail
Upon the trail we seek to walk
Or the heights we seek to scale

But nothing can stop the spirit that sets sail
Attempting to rise above
humanities depravities
There to be seen as something inspirational
For truth and truth alone alone
Is something that we shall bemoan
As something that's yours and yours alone
But it's not something that you need to own....
   ...FOREVER!

If you can sever ties and lift your hopes toward the skies
And ask yourself for your forgiveness

No one can redeem your cost...
... As long as it is lost
And without any value

Cast It off as the old...
... something that you were sold
When you believed what you were told

Something  now you realize...
... is that which you now despise
Because you opened up your eyes

To see what you can be
No matter what some fallacy
Has set all it's weight upon your fragile being

So you yourself knows what it takes
To disregard all of your mistakes
The truth is yours alone for seeing

You can rise up on gossamer wings
To show all those who need to know
That hope is Everlasting

Where everyone can achieve
Anything that they conceive
By pushing out any and all doubt
That blocks what you believe

Just remember that doubt always fails...
... To hold back the spirit that truly sails ...and that hope is everlasting.

FOR SALE- cheap
Make me an offer...today
I can no  longer afford to keep
Since its not working - that is to say
It runs okay
Just not for me...
...Is it able to do ....
....all it's supposed to
So its just a thing now that is in my way
What its real value is
I haven't a clue
Just needs to be gone
Out of my sight
OUT OF the memories
That are all torn apart
Comes the need to succeed
As i am Sellng cheap ....a one- owner heart.

NO TRADES PLEASE .

I feel as if the air is lighter, the nights are more inviting, the mood of those strangers we smile at -with eyes alone,- more receptive, like one of those spring mornings that is in the process of, or has just shaken off the crisp cool mantle of wet fog, to leave the ground saturated in the sound deadening effect [that] - in those rare moments- we can pause, enjoy and savor; before stepping back onto the conveyor belt of life ( modern humans lot), with the still lingering sounds of unseen birds singing to our souls from the bluer skies, those happier trees and the proudly more secure rooftops that seem to have suddenly regained the pride of being things of value, things of worth, those things  which I find absolutely worthy of rejoicing  ...like at no other time in my 2/3 century of living on this great planet!

Deep in the corner
Of that closet I've neglected
I've finally traveled far enough
to feel as if I am protected
              FROM.....
Whatever I may find
that might devastate my mind
Afflicting me with deep regrets
collecting all my unpaid debts
Leaving me destitute
all the while just hanging out
Among or in the pocket of
          some old suit
Waiting for that day
when I would open up the door and say
    TODAY I'm going in
All the way back to where it did begin
making some space for what may come
Start a different beat on my drum
Should have done it years ago
Yet somehow I always found
Ways to always get around
finding out what I didn't
didn't want to know
Didn't want to see
Didn't want to find
Any long forgotten memory
way back in the corner
of that cluttered closet floor
Or even some old scarf
That lingers with how she used to smell
          I'm well....so....
Today is that day
I am going in
I've been working out
Training for this bout
So I opened up the door
and in the end all I found
was an old valentines
          chocolate box
Empty..., except for....
..,.the same halves
of 2 broken keys
and a note that read
These once opened up
our first front door...and so much more
now the locks are changed
as life has re-arranged
These 2 broken keys
Are identical and just to keep
for  reminding you
that the door...
....cannot
be opened anymore        
           So no regrets....
for any haven't yet  
or should have said!
You once told me
If you could control time
then you would bend...
....our first few years
      into a loop
To live it over again and again
But baby all that would do
Is create a middle
When the beginning meets it's end
And time does that anyway...
and sometimes.......it doesn't matter.... what we do or say .
So be happy!

when I was a clock
you were too slow
to keep
up with me
when I was a wheel
I was always around
but you always seemed content just to  watch me roll on by
when I was a cloud..
... white or gray
It  never seemed
to matter much ....to you
either way
when I was a question
you had no answers
when you had answers
I had no question
That when I was a nightmare
, You always remained a dream
When I was an open book
you made it easy
to always turn the page
and when I'd  fear
what I might find there
it seemed like you
would always skip ahead
making sure
my post is clear... making sure
that my ghosts weren't there !!

When I was a clock
you were too slow
to keep up with me
now that I'm an old man
I walk slower much slower now While  you could run so far ahead but, you're always there
holding my hand ....holding
my hand instead !

Came to a point
where I was lost
On this long **** journey
Through the valley I crossed

Dangers lurk in ev..e..ry
shadows dark depth
a repast of pasts overt reactions
aware of my share of..
...short-lived attractions
I stumbled along the rutted pathway
Sloshing through the thickened mire
Of fallacy and morality and ...??
...All that has borne such sad inactions

In climbing up the valleys edge
I find my wearyness weighing down
The shattered frame of mind
Where I fear as I  get here....
How much of what I want to be or
Once hoped to be is scattered along ...
            ....the trail i left behind.

Came to a point where i was lost ...
                    betrayed by ....
      this backward swing of time.!

By the grace of all goodness
we live lives of gifts unnoticed
like pebbles in a whirlpool
we get lost in our lives and quotas

miracles of such proportions
considered just for the fun they give
With all lost sincerity miracles exist
that should be...
...celebrated through the times we live

notice the lack of integrity ?
the dismissal of all the world's condition ?don't allow the beauty or bounty of..
... these gifts be lost
by means of sad attrition

polar caps melting and people die
temperature soaring to an all-time high
yet the indisputable truth is lost
in the constant push forward

saving the world can only save ourselves
By saving our own Nation...
....becoming a house undivided
We show that
no future is or will ever be....
already decided!

There are no ghosts on the static platform
To mark the pivot place where thoughts did form
No trail worn down to mark inspirations passing
Or any way to marvel at all norms they were surpassing
No visionary acuity to be remarked upon by latent hoards
Bent upon the profit margins your trial blazing such affords
Those less keen to  that instinctual drive you own
Left to wander aimlessly by arbitrary lack your  need to atone
By taking no stance , no ownership - those victories and defeats
May sow success and grow victories like flowers at your feat
To what avail if you fail and leave no trail of honest benediction
So honor the whims of chance, and circumstance take a stance
Where question and answer meet foregoing that need to dance
That now days seems so much a driving force by knowing
Wrong answers given are now scribed forever to be showing
No ghost then lives at that pivot point to mark where you turned
Those are not mistakes you find  fear of forever towing behind
They are the markers of the way you came to be....
               ...that you that you designed. !!

I ain't looking
for no instructions
no friendly faces
or interdictions
I'm not in need
Don't need your adorations

From now ....until
The end of my incarceration
"No need to utter ...cluttered inanities
Like how 'you FEEL me!' "
GRRRrrr..ain't no way
that that can be!

There is no words
that ever will free me
From this restless soul being ...
...that it would seem....
            ....I am.... deemed...
to be!

I remain ..the constant ....
...intermittent  
That endures the missing time
that time takes away from me!

I ain't looking ...for no instructions ....

Scrolling along
My finger on high
Sudden stop scrolling back
To see what I just went by

A baby in a high chair
18 months - maybe ....a tater tot
On the end of a fork
.....dancing chaotic
Seeking to aim at the right spot
First thought I had was IDK
Young for a fork but who knows
Having a little trouble -and I
I start to think cute, and then froze....
...the fork she was using was between her toes
Then I get confused inside of myself
I realize it may be sad what I just said
I know that it's cute she's a little doll
With a happiness bright lit so easily seen
I battle myself as i get stuck between
Cute and/or tragic.cute or tragic ...
Neither feels natural as i try them on
So in compassionate relief I to myself
As i take in a wider view and thought .

WHATS IN FASHION
IS...
THE DREAMS OF THIS GENERATION
IN HOPE
THAT THIS NATION
CAN MAN ITS STATION
IN THESE....
.... ESSENTIAL TIMES
WE ARE FACING
TRUTH IS A DYING BREED TO THE FALLEN SEED
OF A WITHERED ****
THAT RESTS ITS PEACE
IN THE BATTLE FIELD
WHICH FACES EAST
TO A RISING SON
THAT COMES SEEKING
POWER
TO BE HONORED
BY MANY WHO SHALL NEVER KNOW PEACE
IN THIS LIFE
OR IN THE WISDOM THEY ARE AFTER
BUT I SHALL HOPE .

You may find that I seem to be
All shut down emotionally
Wary like some cornered animal
Anytime someone seeks a deeper me

I truly have no gauge to lend you here
Or mathematical statistic to apply
In order to explain what differences
Do or don't apply as to what you...
...and what I perceive to be
Distance , temperature, cynicism..
Cultural divide , from some past hurt pride
Because I cannot be the judge of my beings
Ability to be Unconsciously projecting
, if it is like some background security app
That You can see as some... constant guard, ,
Intent on saving  my  frailty from becoming a heart of stone , choosing alone as ....
...my default position
It was..never set forth as mine...
....or anyone elses lifetime  mission


All I know to tell you is that upon some
self reflection,
my heart is chained down and tightly padlocked
With most finding all inroads securely blocked
.... padlocked without a key
Because I am not really all that easy
To reach down into..and open
..,beyond a simple invitation
as we each seek out the others own
unique and personal combination.





human frailties...

I have wasted time wanting
And wanted time to waste
Passed up those good intentions
Intending to stop back by
At my own perceived convenience
Convenient perception is hindsight in reverse
And when I sought to make it better
My thoughts but made it worse

             I'm so sorry
       For all those things
I never saw
For what they really were!

Just what makes us think
perfection ...
is something we should strive for
some sort of goal
something we need
to make us whole
something that we're missing...
thats beyond our control
what makes us think there is such a thing
Or that we deserve it.

I don't know
if any of that is so
or if I ever had the chance
to ever really know
because I have not had
a life ...
for me to live

I had one for someone else
to control ....so...
I guess you could say
that I was out of control
but I wasn't perfect
never thought I was
I just had to counterbalance
in such a way ..as to stay
somewhere near the center

So feeling  that way
Created in me
a need to succeed
I had to seek perfection
in everything I've done
or I would have quit.. the game
long long ago
and that again
would have been out of my control

What makes a driven ego
Be
by trying to survive
for

creating a need
when someone else
has put on the brakes
trying to make sure that
you never
arrive ...
...at any destination ...
anytime or any place
It didn't matter
where when why or what      
how arriving there
without their God in my pocket
Could somehow be
some sort of disgrace..is
Idk because once again
That should not have been...

...Out of my control

now I'm left sadly empty
trying hard not to fill back up
with remorse anger or regrets
because if I was a mess before
and didn't know it
to do all that
would be the end
of all antes and all bets
as this game has no Bluffs
or any winners
it.... sure.... like....
seems that way to me
in or out
that's all it's about

just how far down there
Will they allow themselves to go
When there is no other teams

ldk...I walked away
long long ago
Without knowing
where I was bound
but what I didnt know
was just how hard
they had a hold
trying always and forever
To do anything they could
in dragging me down

so I'm glad that I was
always able
to keep me at least close
to the Center.... of Perfection
or as close as one may reach
in order to be able
finding something
to strive for
So  Im  aware that
somehow I was given
exactly what I needed
to keep me on..... going on
Finding a reason for livin

because  although there is no
such thing as perfection ...except maybe
as a check on ... a reason for
a counter- balance
When a life is
  predetermined
  to be filled with nothing...
.. but rejection
from those who were
suppossed to  help you
find direction .....
....not to make sure that you get lost !!

Loneliness often
comes
with depression tagging along
as they conspire
to completely unwire
the security systems Within...

Their bag of tricks
has
within its mix
what it needs to affix
unconcerned
with whom it afflicts
or those it restricts
by Monumental repercussions

turning any or all minor discussions
into a world of hurt
where all involved
try to skirt.. the edge
that is crumbling beneath
those suddenly so clumsy feet
until that ring..
..so tentatively held is abruptly dispelled
Bringing
all involved - nothing solved
To a mind shattering halt
With none at fault

Just a slip a loss of grip
to fend for themselves
as they each reach out
To clasp onto
with an anchoring grasp

Desperate to pull themselves up and out where they will gasp
and often weep
While looking on
is loneliness and depression

Patiently waiting
for the outcome to provide
new clients
As  sadly they have come
to a reliance on us
when our stubborn Pride
Undenied ..yet set aside

When we abandoned those in need
in order to succeed
In saving ourselves....

Did we......?

A pall fell over the crowd
When they heard the announcement
The pronouncement
That freedom had been rescinded
Pursuit of happiness has ended
Your liberty is no longer honored
Arguing is no longer tolerated
Your reality is about to be eviscerated
By the new one we have created .