i don't watch home movies
hate them
reason being because
when i was young
i was looking for a movie
my mother
had recorded for me
and accidentally
put one in the vcr
that i'm not sure
i was supposed to see
i know the obvious response
"uh oh, ****"
sorry to disappoint
they were only marked with dates
  1991
on live television
montel williams asks my father
"how can you just throw
your child away like a piece of trash?"
   1994
i spend so much time
in the emergency room
that my parents stop
penciling in growth marks
on the frame
of my bedroom door
i always thought
it was because they believed
i would never grow out
of this sickness
sometimes i believe
the reason that they
never bought me a dream catcher
was because they never thought
i'd live long enough
to see them come true
   1996
i am eliminated
from a spelling bee
because i didn't know
the 'dad' is silent in 'family'
   2013
before i got into poetry
i used to do standup
none of my jokes were funny
one of the other comics
tells me my skits are dry
sometimes sad
he says "why don't you joke
about something like your family?"
so i say
"i never wore any sunblock
because i didn't want anything
to keep me from my father"
i say "what do you call christmas
without lights or heat?"
before he has a chance
to answer
i say "1997. better yet
why don't you
make like a dad and
leave"
   2014
every time we drive
past the hospital
my mother reminds me
how much it cost to save my life
like she'd rather
have her money back
she doesn't have to say
that sometimes she wishes
it was me who had died
instead of my brother
i can hear it in the way
she says "love you"
sometimes i imagine
that if i were to die
that she
would pick out a casket for a child
because she never loved
the person i became
yesterday i told my father
how close i'd been
to suicide lately
and he said
"that's my boy,
livin on the edge.."
and i can't remember
if i laughed
or cried

Night kisses on the roof,
We're drinking up the view
Please fill my glass with a million more stars..
So I can find the courage to spill out the truth..

Long ago I was in love,
Well that's what I thought it was..
5 years is a long time to know a person,
And 5 words was all it took to break that off

So, "how did it all fall apart?" You ask.. And, "Was the fall worth the hurt?"
I'd give 3/4 of my heart for, just a quarter of hers..

But that was a very long time ago,
So let's move this along..

My first year at college ******,
I never thought I'd amount to much
11 months is a long time to care for someone,
Even when those last few months,
We fell out of touch..
But with this girl I felt so safe..
Brown hair green eyes cute face
I said goodbye 2 nights after my 18th birthday,
.. I thought this time my heart deserved a different kind of break

"... So how did it all fall apart?" You ask, "do you still care/ love her?"
I'd give 3/4 of my heart for, just 1/4 of hers..

But i'm not on the rooftop with her, right now..
Oh i'm with you,
And this is where we are..
Singing the blues..

When that sun rises over you
Won't you tell me your stories too?
I'll give both halves of my heart if..
You give me all yours too.

I can still feel my hand pressing against the ***** in your back

pulling you up to me

and kissing you with such fever your lips turned pink.

I miss those days; When the wind would blow in my ear and the world would disappear

I miss those days; When you would hold my hand and whisper "I'm here"

I miss those days; When I could look into your eyes and feel apart of you.  

You where my shadow and I was yours.

But the world has grown old and so have we. Our children have led their own lives and left us to be.

Then you blew away from me.. and our love was lost with no words.

I hope to see you in heaven someday.

But still my heart pumps your blood and still I am your shadow.

For I really do miss those days.

I am growing old by the minute, my bones have begun to ache and groan.

So wait in the shadows until I die. For then we can stand and watch the world swirl by.

Maybe the world is better this way, but oh how I still miss those days.

So we're all free, eh? If you start thinking outside the box,
Going against societies grain, then you are snuffed out,
Never heard from again. You can "whine and moan" all you want,
But you'll soon be cancelled out, bad manners are a fine reason
To throw you into the frenzied crowd.

Freedumbs indeed

Your days of voicing your thoughts are through, they've "solved
Everything" by letting laws even go into motion that simple sanity
Can disprove. These laws they always pass, your voice is never heard,
Democracy manifest's evil will soon turn your life over to the birds.

You are something I compare to my favorite sweater
Made only for me, to fit perfectly,
Like an envelope holds inside its letter, as a teacup cradles it's warm tea.
You are something I compare to hot coffee in the morning
Warming and waking my lost and tired brain
Like an attack you need not a warning,
Saving me from going insane.
I did not go searching for something like you,
Unaware that love so pure could be real,
This strong sense of comfort is so brand new
The kind of comfort all humans crave to feel.
I refuse to take this sweater off of me.
I refuse to go a day without my hot cup of coffee.