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Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
I would run with wolves
If I could let myself go
I couldn't do that
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
So tired
But I cannot sleep
So angry
These thoughts won't leave
Curled up tight with
Myself
There is nothing
And no one else
Believe that maybe
I'll be alright
If I close my eyes and try to fight
These pestering tears
That just won't stop
Katlyn Orthman Jul 2013
Save me as I fall
              Down
                       Down
                                 Down

It's a dark place here
              
                                           *Alone
Katlyn Orthman May 2013
The hallway seemed to sway with the motion of the tears filling my eyes. I tried to keep going to get to the door, but I collapsed there in the hall. The weight crashing down on me. She was dead. My only love was dead. I’d been with her for six years and we’d been waiting to get married. That was all over now. They had killed her. I laid my head in my hands and let it all go. I fell spiraling down into the darkness at the edge of my consciousness. My very last thoughts echoing in my head as I slipped into this grief coma, they would all pay, they would pay.

The clock on the wall ticked loudly as I made my way to Mr. Jefferson’s office. The hallways were empty, an unusual thing for a Monday morning in a business firm. I tried not to let it get in my head. I had a job to fulfill. If I didn't get this one right the boss would surely wring my neck. She wasn't the most understanding person, and tolerated no mistakes. A dark cherry wood door lay at the end of the long hallway with a silver plate spelling out Mr. Jefferson’s office. All the other doors I had passed had, had similar ones.
I knocked on the door quietly waiting for an invitation inside. I took a deep breath and steady myself. Telling myself I had to do this. There was still no beckoning to come in so I knocked louder, but was only greeted by silence. I opened the door quickly and peered in. Mr. Jefferson laid slumped over his paper work in the messy piles on his desk.
A bullet through his head. Well this was just great now the boss had another reason to chew me out. I closed the door quietly and made my way to the body. Blood spilled from the back of his head and off his shoulders dripping into the puddle on the floor. I took my phone from my pants pocket and called Leo.
“Hey, Leo we got a problem, Jefferson’s already dead. They’re a step ahead of us. What’s my next move?” the line was silent for a minute until he replied, “what was the cause of death?” I looked at the back of Jefferson’s head one more time to make sure that was no other abrasions. “Bullet wound in the back of his head, no sign of struggle either.”
“Alright, I’ll inform the boss. You should probably make your way back to the headquarters. I can tell you now the boss isn't going to be happy.” I sighed I already new that. The ***** had been riding my *** all month now. It wouldn't hurt her to give us all a break once in a while. I closed my phone. I made my way out the door. No doubt someone else would find Jefferson and would immediately go for the video tapes.
Luckily I didn't come here alone, I brought my computer genius along, that could erase us from every tape and cover his tracks. I gave a polite smile to each person I passed and had to fight to walk calm and smoothly out the front doors. Brain already waited inside the car looking anxious. We were both fairly new to the working in the field. Usually the boss assigned me on small assignments. I got inside the drivers side and pulled out right away. “Jefferson was already dead when I got there, bullet wound to the back of the head, what I don’t understand is how no one heard it, or why he didn't struggle,” I told Brian. “Maybe a silencer on the gun? And perhaps his lack of struggle was because there was a gun pointed at his head?” I thought it over. It was possible but that was different from all the others. “They usually cover their tracks better than that though,” I looked over at Brain whose face was crinkled by his deep thoughts. “Maybe they were in a rush?” The wound had looked freshly made. “Perhaps,” I said still mulling it over. “I suppose we’ll just have to wait for the police reports.”

As I had figured Liana was furious. “How is it that four out of seven of the people I've told you to get information from then take out have ended up already dead when you got there?” She spit angrily in my face. Liana was a scary lady but she didn't scare me.
“I don’t know you tell me,” I said and smiled at her. I could feel the audience behind me stop what they were doing and cringe. “Do you think this is funny?” Liana said quietly.
Her face had gone rigid and her fist clenched so tightly at her sides, the knuckles had turned a ghostly white.
I knew which battles to fight and which to surrender. “No, nothing is funny,” I spat out clenching my jaw. I really hated this stupid job. If it wasn't for Liana keeping my brother alive I wouldn't be here. And just as I thought it Liana cheerfully reminded me, “do remember darling, your brothers life lies in my hands. One wrong move and it’s bye bye brother, understood?” Her dark eye’s drilling into mine. The feeling of hatred seeped from my body as it was overflowing inside me now. “Understood,” I growled.
“Good, now get out. I’ll call you when I have your next assignment.” She turned but stopped to look back,
“ and next time do not mess up,” then walked back into her office slamming the door.
I let the breath I had been holding out and left quickly before they all burned holes into me with their heavy glares. I made my way to Kyle’s room. The walls were painted dark blue with small silver stars painted all over. I had painted it for him, he loved the stars. “Kyle?” I said shakily looking down at the boy. His tiny body shaking in pain. He wouldn't eat. The vomiting broke his bones sometimes. His bones stuck through his skin like his skin had only been draped over his frail bones. The tears flowed from my eye’s and down my face. He was only fifteen.
He was so sick, I just wanted him to be okay. Healthy again. The reason I’d signed up to join this place was because they promised to save him. They said as soon as I finished the biggest assignment they would heal him. But I grew more and more doubtful.
Kyle had been infected, by the scientist. A super parasite they’d created. It caused brain disorders, like anorexia. Kyle’s brain was being attacked making him suicidal and making him believe he was anorexic. Making him believe he had to do these things. When it first started he was only depressed. He began cutting himself. When I saw the deep cuts in his arms and on his stomach  I asked him about it and his answer had been, “I didn't want to do I just had to“ . At the time I’d misunderstood him.
Now I knew. He literally had been forced by the parasites inside his brain.
His eye’s were closed and I could see the struggle it took for him to intake each breath. His arms, thin ropes, laid at his side. It took a massive amount of energy and strength for him to even turn his head. “I will fix this Kyle, believe in me when I tell you that, I love you.” I kissed his cold forehead and left shutting the door slowly.
This is the beginning of a story i'm writing, I hope you enjoy. Any feedback of ideas a welcome:)
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2013
Shut my eyes
Feel the sting of cold air against bare skin
Tangle your fingers in the frozen tears
They fall for us
No one is there
But I hear them near
All in agony
I sit in snowy fields

These tears promise revenge
But this heart promises pain
Your words whisper love
But your actions speak of hate

I am alone in this cold place

The stars disappear
The end is near
Give me the thorns of roses
The pierce my heart

This sacrifice is for you,
As the roses turn blue
And our love spills as scarlet staining the snow
Well I have no idea where this came from, but it is what it is.
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2013
The music drips in my veins
As I carelessly drift away
Dance with me
The move of our hips
To the beat
Hands razed
Body grazed
The power in each word
The power to be heard
Overcoming every fear
A prayer for every tear
Colliding and flying
All around
The ground shaking
The earth so angrily quaking
Oh misery
Let go of me
Screaming just to feel
Screaming until my throat hurts
Because it reminds me
The rush is so real
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
Oh the sky's were weary
Storming like the sky was crying
The day was dreary
The trees were dying

It was a sort of deathly day
The streets smelt of tears
The crowds crowded in the streets
Blocked the way

There was no birds in the sky
There was no sign of sun
The gods had cursed us I don't know why
But something had to be done

Whether I had to crossed the seas
Or swim the firey lakes
Or whether the answer would come to me
Or I had to fight to take

I would save my dying kin
Because I would give them my life
I rather put my soul out
And admit that I had sinned

I rather lay bare before my god
Then let them all be slayed
I rather bathe myself in guilt
Then live while they decayed

I raise my gauntlet to the sky
While the gods cry
I hope tonight won't be the last
But if it is for them I will die
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2013
Break
In Half
Broken Dreams Everywhere
They Litter The Floor
I Can't Bare This Anymore
My Heart Is Bleeding Out Again
My Thoughts Are Breaking Out Of Me
They Say Bad Things Happen For A Reason
My Bad Things Happen Every Day Of Every Season
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2013
Dare me to take a step
Dare me to tell my secrets
But just be warned
They're deep
And dark
In the bottom
Of my heart
Dropped from every level
To erase them from my being
Katlyn Orthman May 2013
Seek Not My Heart
by Kit McCallum
Oh gentle winds 'neath moonlit skies,
Do not you hear my heartfelt cries?

Below the branches, here about,
Do not you sense my fear and doubt?
Side glistening rivers, sparkling streams,
Do not you hear my woeful screams?

Upon the meadows, touched with dew,
Do not you see my hearts a'skew?
Beneath the thousand twinkling stars,
Do not you feel my jagged scars?

Seek not my mournful heart kind breeze,
For you'll not find it 'mongst these trees.

It's scattered 'cross the moonlit skies,
Accompanied by heartfelt sighs.
It's drifting o're the gentle rain,
A symbol of my silent pain.

It's buried 'neath the meadow fair,
Conjoined with all the sorrow there.
It's lost among the stars this night,
Too far to ease my quiet fright.

No gentle winds, seek not my heart,
For simply ... it has torn apart.
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
Senõr De Los Lobos
Your kingdom is falling
Mankind has no passion
For those that do not
Speak their language
But I hear your prayer Lobos
I will stand against the flame
If you will stand along side me
We will go to war  
We will fight to belong
Because I see through your eyes
We are one
Senõr De Los Lobos ~~~ lord of wolves
Katlyn Orthman Aug 2016
I
Feel Nothing
Inside My Heart

It
Deceives Me
Again

Breaking Me
So Easy I Bend

Leaving Me
Right Back At The Start
Of It All

This Madness I Hide

It's Swirling

Dancing

Crying Inside

Save Me

From


Myself
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
I have been careless
I used to move with wind beneath my feet
The eyes of no man could see
I was part of the night
Which no one had found
A shadow with no end
Looming across the skies
Gracefully perched in the black of night
No eyes had set
Upon my beauty
No hand had laid
Against my silk skin
Plush lips never brushed softly
Hair unbound only by myself
But the night with its star filled sky
And the moons luminous gaze
I was not alone
I was completed by myself
But the wrong move,
Was my own undoing
I could have quietly picked the shattered
Pieces and put them back in place
But I liked the freedom
Of the light
The heated gaze of the sun
I could see clearer
And the opaque window
I had been gazing through
Wiped clean
Revealed me to the world
But I was okay
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2015
The sun is an arrogant thing, always leaving the world behind when it tires of us.

The moon is a loyal companion.

It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human.

Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.
A beautiful paragraph from Tahereh Mafi"s novel Shatter Me. This just spoke to me.
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
I was always good to you
I did everything I could
You always said you'd love me
I always thought you would
She has striking looks
The body of a *****
But she will never give you all the things you're missing
The things you always demand
Shes the one in command
You can try your hardest but you'll never see
That you depended, needed me
But that's okay that ******* your arm
She's beautiful,
But don't be fooled
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
A hundred shots fired
Until it was silent
The smell of blood roamed the halls
His soul had fallen
Evil had found its way in
Children without eyes to see
So vulnerable
This event has shaken me
The tears fall down my face
As I listen to the news
The deaths in Connecticut
Thirty met the afterlife
Pray for them
I rest on my knees
God tell me have we all been killed?
Are we all doomed?
Open your arms to those we have lost
I beg of you give them peace
I was watching the news and heard about the shooting in Connecticut , I'm so sorry to all the parents that lost their children, I cannot fathom how it would feel to know that your child wasn't coming home
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2014
I woke up feeling wrong,
Looked in the mirror and felt unsettled in my skin
Who am I? Where did I come from?
Why do I question things? Where did answers begin?
Why do I speak?
Why is this voice a part of me
Is my soul a real thing?
Are they real, the things I see?
Where do I go when I die?
Is it blackness, a dark and endless sky?
Will I know I'm me when I no longer breathe?
Will I think about these unimportant things?
Will I remember my loves, my hardships. my joys?
Will I remember the things that fixed me and the things that destroyed?
How about my memories? Will they matter at all?
Do these events add up to my impending rise to fall?
Will I remember why I woke up feeling so wrong?
Or will the death of me silence my song?
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
The owl perched high
Traumatizing skies
Little feet tap the ground

Spotted by sharp eyes
Little mouse cries
Owl dips low with no sound

All goes back to normal
Silent killer
Perched again
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
At the surface
Still waters
Dip a finger into the liquid body
Cold
Like me
Inside
Remove my coat
Fold it neatly
And place it on the frozen earth
Blink away tears
The end was coming
Blood had been spilt
To many tears lost
The skies were falling ....
I heard death calling
Remove my shoes
That bound me from running
Away from the screams
Wade into the waters
Disturbing the sleeping waves
Cold liquid envelopes my ankles
My breath hindered
Keep going
The wind whispers
Don't stop
I look to the blue heavens above my fragile
Human head
This is all that's left
When my path has darkened
And my light has escaped
Wishing through opened windows
At my waste now
My blood fills the pools
Seeping my misery
Spreading through the crystal waters
Tainting them
But I don't stop
Even when the ice chilled water
Scratches at my neck
Not even when I'm completely emerged
I'm drowning , sinking
In my pain
I scream beneath the waters
I scream for every heartbeat
That was skipped
Every moment that he missed
Every unjust tear shed
For every scar
For every nightmare
For every time I was hurt
For every word that broke through me
I screamed for death to take me
I screamed for it to stop
I sunk deeper
So deep ...
Like the cuts
In my body
Like the scars on my heart
From the abandonment
From my hatred
For the fire that simmered
And crackled in me
For my wasted passion
For every second taken from me
I sank deeper
I Sank faster ...
Just to find
I was an angel
Hidden behind frozen shut doors
With battered wings
And broken hope
Living in the dusk
When I should've looked for dawn
I found
Death was much quiter
Than the choir of cruelty
That we face
Everyday
Katlyn Orthman May 2014
We've traveled these long roads together
Battling these monsters hand in hand
Along the road we came to terms
We began to understand

We've seen the sunset
And watched the moon rise
Laughed effortlessly together
And disguised our hopeless cries

Time seems to have passed us by
Because I've seemed to forget your smile
Your eyes are a dim memory in my mind
I haven't heard your voice in my head in a while

I sat beside your grave
And even brought you flowers
I gazed up at the moon hoping I'd see you
As a shooting star in the highest of the star towers

I sat there all night
Wishing you'd just return to my embrace
Crying as I wished I could go back in time
And tell you I loved you, and memorize your face

Because those little things that never seemed to matter
Matter so much more than they ever did
I need to see every flaw and perfection
That you ever hid

Because now your six feet too far
And the ground is far too cold
I can't reach down and pull you up
Your bones are to fragile to hold
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2014
I'm sixteen going on sixty
I can barely see the point in life
I will live a short life,
Accomplish nothing spectacular
And then die
Forgotten like the rest
Katlyn Orthman Apr 2014
Tears linger in these scars
My ambition never goes to far

The glass is shattered below my feet
I see my reflection where the cracks meet

Torn, abolished just like my heart
I'm broken, finished, I'm ripped apart

I bleed to bleed inside my dreams
I slowly lose what it all means

In the creeping shadows, a peaceful bed
I lie inside to rest my head

I'm dead already, can't they see
The skeleton fighting to get out of me
Katlyn Orthman Aug 2012
The water hypnotizes me,
Sloshing in every direction,
The water speaks to me,
Telling me to come into it embrace,
I walk with out trying,
I'm caged in my own body,
In my head my breath grows frantic,
In my head I panic,
But the shell my body has become,
Is calm and silent,
The water is to my neck,
And Im sinking farther,
I am in the deepest depths of the ocean,
Inside I am aware,
But my body doesnt breath,
Inside I was desprate to get out,
But my body slumbered beneath the waves,
And my being living on forever,
Trapped
Katlyn Orthman Apr 2013
The waves of sleep lull over me
My eye lids so heavy
My blankets tucked around me
Keeping me warm
I say my prayers before I shut my tired eyes
The dark so quite around me
Pressing against me
Sometimes suffocating me
But tonight it sooths my soul
And gives me the strength to breathe
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2019
I feel like I lost myself.
Somewhere in the middle of trying to please everyone around me.
I forgot about me, and I twisted myself into the shape of a noose that I now feel closing tighter around my neck.
Squeezing until my throat pushes back for space, frantically looking around for someone to help me breathe again.

I feel like I gave up.
Somewhere in the middle of trying so hard, my integrity diminished.
Until I was no longer capable of believing I could achieve anything.
Plans would fall through, and I wouldn't stop it.

I feel like I replaced love with company. Somewhere in the middle of trying to belong.
I gave up my needs, and only focused on the fact that I wasn't absolutely alone.
Yet this whole time I'm searching inside myself, and I just feel void.
I'm lacking. Lacking so much.
And I have no one but myself to blame, and maybe just a little can be taken by the fact that this world is not fair.

I am a just person.
I hate to fight.
I hate to see anyone upset.
But I am just a person.
I don't know how long I can keep up this fight.
I just want to close my eyes and be done.
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
I see him in the hall
And my heart speeds up
I don't know what to say
But I want to get to know him
He looks at me and smiles
And I get feelings I haven't felt for a while
I smile back then look I away
Can't let him know he made my day
But then my friend beside me
Tells me that she's gonna ask him out
My heart stops then shatters to the floor
I just nod and smile
Even though she knows my feelings for him
When she leaves my side
I let the tears  soak my eyes
Just one more ruined day
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
Stars around a bright moon
The bite in the air tells me
Winters here..
The old friend I miss on summer days
The forget when I'm lacking sun rays
The pure white of the snow
Sings to me
I remember ...
The swing set
All the kids laughing
But I just swing to my heart beat
Back then forth
Cold wind splashing my face
Thinking thinking
Always thinking
Even as I grew older
I was stuck in my own mind
With simply my thoughts
Always thinking
Always analyzing
And though it is a gift
It is also a curse
Haunting me
Making me see things I rather not see
Making me believe
Does happiness make knowledge ?
One could never say
Because for something's
I'd rather not see
I'd rather not believe
I'd rather not know
Could darkness leave room to smile?
Or would I just be blinded and lost?
Or is the light the right place to be?
I can't know the answer!
I've spent night day
Day and night
Thinking , analyzing, searching!
For some piece of evidence
But none exist for my eyes too look upon
Heartless with a mind!
Or mindless with a heart?
I could never say
It quarrels  with me  
I get within
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
Snowflakes on the ground
Angels in the snowy banks
Trees slouched over , bare
Katlyn Orthman Jul 2013
There within the dark
Glowing eyes
Golden
Staring at me with a predatory hunger
Am I scared?
Oh certainly not
The vicious teeth
Snarling and snipping
Are only a barrier
To the soft heart
That lay beneath the dusty chains
The angry eyes
A reflection of a broken image
Those sharp claws
Threatening to rip through flesh
Remnants of the daggers pierced through a once soft heart
All of it made from scars long in the past
**And some of it freshly torn
Katlyn Orthman May 2013
Fighting for something I believed was right
Something I was willing to die for
I wouldn't give up whether dark or light
I stood there a soldier

Until I found out that nothing was true
The whole thing a lie
This thing I believed in through and through
That I would've put down my life

It tore me apart left me shredded in wait
For a death to come sweep me away
But I picked up my head and followed a fate
That would leave me here to stay

It was hard at first
But sorely I moved on
It could've been worse
Every dusk and dawn

But a soldier fights even if the orders change
Even if it seems impossible
Even if you lost your way
And I'm a soldier through and through
To the bone and I made it too
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2021
Over the hill
A bird softly sings
A sad chirp
Off dewy grass rings

Forlorn and forgetful
It pumps its wings
As a thunder storms
The lighting softly stings

There was a tapping
That made it turn its head
It creeped up louder
Filling a little heart with dread

Beating its chest
Like the doldrums do
A quiet quest
As the solemn bird flew

Sore and soaring higher
It’s wings grew tired
The whispers of a liar
The bird now expired

Plummet back to Earth
It hit with a thud
Decaying in a hearse
And buried in the mud

There was a sad chirping
It’s haunting dewy hills
In the darkness it’s lurking
Lies always ****
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
A new face
You make me wonder
You make me laugh
From across the rows
Of desks
I feel your gaze
Bite my lip
To stay still
You watch me with courios eyes
But when I turn my head
Your gaze shifts off
How you make me want to
Just grab your hand
And place it above my beating heart
To feel your warmth
Leaking through my skin
To gaze into your eyes
To run my fingers through your silk hair
To feel you there
Just to breath
In your scent
Drink you in
Never releasing you
But I only smile shyly
And watch the ground while I walk past you
Someday
Maybe
I'll grow the courage
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2014
No matter how many times
I claim I don't care
I will never feel right
Without you there

No matter how far my heart is
From your beating one
I'll never be feel the same way
About anyone

If you were the type
I would hold you in my arms
If you didn't fight
I would keep you from harm

But you're stubborn and don't care
About much at all
So you see why it's dangerous
For me to fall

For someone like you
Whose someone like me
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
Hello little bird
I hear your musical song
As you dance and prance
Upon your frozen branch
A smile lit on my face
As you sing and look down on me
With a laugh I lay down in the snow
Beneath the tree that hangs low with age
Over the small barn
Peacefully I close my eyes
Oddly warm within the snows blankets
And like the sky was crying of joy
Small flakes fell and landed so gracefully upon my face
Finally at peace I fell asleep
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
The shackles were like hands cold as black ice
Holding me in its steel prisoning grip
For I had been cast away more than twice
The floors were icy in hell I would slip
My story began with the seed of lust
The feeling, the rush was none to be known
For I craved the feeling, have it I must
The path would crumble it was made of stone
And I danced so hard it began to chip
It was dark there without the lights to shine
The angles they found me, my wings they clip
Because of a girl that was never mine
I sat in hells cell and there I would rot
I never regretted the lesson taught
Not sure if I did this right, it's in the rhyme scheme pattern of ABAB CDCD EFEF GG, and 10 syllables per line, written in iambic pentameter (duh, DUH,duh,DUH, duh, DUH, duh, DUH, duh, DUH)
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
It was death who was knocking at my door
I had been trying to avoid his calls
I guess I really can't hide any more
It was a short walk, but a longer fall
And the leaves so sadly fall off the trees
Lives but a shadow at the brink of dawn
A soul that was captured has been set free
As the morning sun creeps on the front lawn
And so sorrowfully I hang my head
And await the reapers death painted claw
For this morning I awoke to be dead
For it has been the reapers scornful law
And death may come I have vanquished my fear
Silently may I hold my falling tears
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2013
Could it be that I have fallen from grace?
That I have lost touch with the universe?
Losing my grip on this revolving place
I can not tell if I've been trapped, or cursed
Loneliness in the bitterest of forms
I'm suffocating in the angry air
As I'm spinning in this fast forming storm
I can't help but notice you're not there
Pleading to see your face in this grey sky
I'm not sure why I still seem to miss you
After your deceitful, misleading lies
I really should have been utterly through
But still I sit here thinking of your name
Sinking father into my pool of shame
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
The walls are spinning
Spinning! Spinning!
The staues are grinning
Grinning! Grinning!
Left high off this atmosphere
The looming staircase leering
Down at me
It's becoming harder to see
Faintly remember falling
Through the floor
Into an open door
Where I landed in a store
Ceilings made of mirrors
Reflect my past terrors
The shelves are empty
Kind of like me
I'm dashing to find the exit
But I can't find it!
I need out!
I need to shout
Push my way through my own skin
Escape all of my sins
I'm diffident in my body
Somebody just stop me
I'm speeding
Faster than light
And
I
Just
         Might .......


Crash
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
Sleep is growing harder
Always the forest
Spirt tell me what you need to
I want to sleep again
It's been years since it happened for the first time
The dream had replayed ever night
The stables were on fire
They pounded after me
I was scared
Running from the snarls
And snapping of teeth
I ran into the flame swallowed stall
But I wasn't afraid
They engulfed me
And the sad eyes of a wolf
Looked at me from the other side of
The stable
Why child? Do you **** yourself?
It always
Ended in those words
I was scared to understand those words
But now years later
I run the forest through
Searching
Always searching
Until I can find them
The trees all bow to the ground
I was home
I could run freely with them
Why child? Do you **** yourself?
These words haunt me
As the wolves eyes burn me
I decide I will name the him spirt wolf
Sprit wolf take me home
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2017
There's no silver linings
No light at the end of the road
And I've been searching
...all on my own

The trees are losing thier leaves
Much like I am losing my hair
And the grass is growing it's weeds
And I'm seeing things that aren't there

Its these chemicals balanaced in my mind
That prompts me to find
Such sad little beings
Who love and live
As thoughts in my mind

I'm seeing faces in the shadows
Love in darkness
And happiness with the smoke in my lungs

And I'm done

So done with this constant ache
This soreness in my head
This brutal awakening
That I am dead

Not physically so because I still breathe
But inside of me, I bleed

I look in the mirror
And hate what I see
"Well change yourself!"
But that isn't me

And now I'm slumped on the couch
Listening to slow songs
Watching the room spin
Out of control

Wishing these thoughts weren't there
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2013
Stains are like scars they only fade
They're proof of a mess from the past that you made
It sits there staring up at you
Toying and taunting to see what you'll do
And they keeping adding up
They never go away
They just sit their watching
Begging to stay
Making you cry a little bit longer
These stains have never made me feel stronger
Everytime I see a reminder of you
Every time you try to come back
You've been gone so long
I've made on without you
These stains have ruined the whole rug
Might as well throw that out too
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2013
The stars are prettiest
From the spot on the porch
The one that looks out at the snow covered tress
The light above the door
Swings in the Wisconsin breeze
Silent and cool
I sit in nothing but my grandpas oversized sweat shirt draped over my shoulders
It smells of whiskey and cigarettes
But for some reason I close my eyes
And draw in a deep breath
The door creaks open
And a rough ragged voice calls my name
Asking me if I was going to stargaze like a love struck ***** all night
Only a little longer
Tell my heart feels somber
And I can get on my feet again
I say smiling
Katlyn Orthman Aug 2013
The leaves fall,
drifting to the ground
The shadows impend,
embrace and surround

Empty eyes,
staring back at me
I see my reflection,
it's mocking me

It's cold in here,
let me out
I won't run,
erase your doubt

Please,
these chians do weigh
They tether my heart,
so I must stay

I just want to see the light,
glowing orbs in the sky
I just want to feel the stars,
inside my skin tonight

This starlight serenade,
wraps me in its trance
I feel it taking over me,
It forces me to dance

Oh moonlight lover,
so high within the sea of blue
Take these chains from me,
so I may dance with you
Katlyn Orthman Oct 2012
Dark sky
Full moon above the tree tops
On the small hill before my building
And bordered by the enpty woods
I'm looking deep into the night skies
Thousands of twinkling eyes
Shooting star above my head
Big dipper leaning against the dark navy blue
And the owl and the crickets sing
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2012
Clouds close around me,
They pull and tell me who to be,
It's dark but there is light,
I close my eyes and fight,
The wind blows,
And my true identity shows,
I'm scared to be so vulnerable,
But I have to open up into reality,
I can't hide behind a fake me,
But I hate who I am,
I hate knowing they can see me,
This storm inside billows and roars,
Like a shaking quivering shore,
Like a satin dress that's torn,
A cracked board keeping score,
Like an old clock ticking on,
Like a dry and dead lawn,
So here I am,
Layed out to you,
Scared and vulnerable but hopeful
Katlyn Orthman Feb 2014
Storms heart lays not in destruction
But at the point of despair it tears it down
To become whole
And rebuild our already shattered lives
Storms heart acts not in hate
But in pain of our cries of despair
The storm cries with us
Feels our pain
The roaring winds are our echoed screams
The pouring rain is our tears
The raging thunder is our anger
The twisting coiling winds
Colliding with the earth
Is our sorrow our love, our hate,
The storms heart is our heart
Together we destroy
We rebuild
Together we are a raging storm
One of the first poems I ever wrote and uploaded onto hellopoetry
Katlyn Orthman Nov 2012
Foot steps echo through the empty halls
Where have I been?
Where am I now ?
Only bravery let's my eyes open
And through the sliver of an opening
Im blinded by bright white
A room I suppose
Only then do I find that I am chained
Ever lost on this cold table
Then I hear them again
Those foot steps
Only faster
My breath quickens
My hands grip at air
They resent me
I'm a stranger here
I don't wish to see
Anymore
I can feel they're growing bored
Cold hand
Placed upon my stomach
I shrink away as best I could
Then the presence of a cold steel object
And then I knew I was done
But they're ignorance
Will let them die
For I...
Held...
The answer....
Katlyn Orthman Sep 2019
String lights reflect in
Your eyes like stars
Emotions build inside
Yet I don't know who you are

My heart bleeds for you
Like fresh cuts across my skin
I would leave it all for you
But you are my sin

My words die at my tongue
Because your eyes swallow me
I am tongue tied
By your intensity

Wailing inside
Because I
Will never be
Enough

For you
Katlyn Orthman Apr 2013
The signs on the doors are flipped to open
The stores turn on the lights
We pretend like we are safe
Like we can all share a smile
While we slowly **** ourselves together
As the wars get worse
Bombs blow up
People die
And we dare stand beneath the clouds
Questioning god as to why?
Innocents are killed
For the reckless of another
It was revenge
One eye for the other?
We won't need them anyways
We're all blind
I've finally lost hope
Lost faith in myself
And in mankind
Katlyn Orthman Mar 2013
Clouds form in the untouched skies
Rain falls as the angles cry
Tormenting those below
There's no sun, it won't show
Disbelief and dispair
Grey winds through brown hair
Broken grounds all littered by tears
Twisted trees all soaked in fear
Goodbye, goodbye summer haze
Say goodbye to them days
The cold snow and thunder storms
I'll miss the days when it was warm
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