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Some things never change
    


      The circular stains on the ceiling above my 
heart shaped bed didn't exist under that rule

  Sometimes they *seemed
constant
           And sometimes that made me feel ok
            
        But other times, as I lay in bed,
            Somewhere near the halfway point between laying down and falling asleep,
       I stared up at them and they moved
         Left and right
Ellipsing each other,
    Becoming ovaloid in shape

Sometimes they simply flitted away, vanished


    I thought them gone,
But they continued to return.

They would not be so remorseless as to leave and not look back to see the blank space they had left.

     So my little circular stains stayed for a while.

    I was happy looking up in wonder at something I could never understand but never dared question.

   Until one day I simply wasn't. My interest in the stains steadily faded until I began to drift off on my side staring out the window, searching for owls I could hear but not see. These sounds made me hope.

They made me open the windows I had locked tight.
They made me breathe.
    
    Those sounds lull me to sleep even now.

*And I've stopped looking for the circles completely
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2015
Life began somewhere
It was birthed by the endless universe
It's being an enigma unfathomable by the human mind
But the need inside me,
the burning passion twisting through my bones
suffocating my heart
Swelling in my soul
and intoxicating my blood
begs for the ability to reach out and grasp the understanding

I need to know where the beginning is
I just need to know
My human mind thirsting for the knowledge
Curiosity programmed inside me

It is nearly a physical pain
That I will never know the secrets of the Earth
The hushed whispers faintly brushing my ear drums
And dancing away before I can decipher them

Like a constant dance
we waltz beneath; or inside space?
On this ball of fire locked away by soil
Earth Bound

The need to know life beyond Earthly inhabitants
It's like it has consumed me
I no longer fear Death
I have come to terms with my old friend

In the end I will catch a glimpse of what waits
after my mortality has outlived the shell it sleeps in
Maybe I will be granted wings to fly
in spaces galaxies, endless as they are
Until I am to be reborn

Maybe Earth Bound
Maybe Space Bound
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2015
It's as if I closed my eyes and time passed me by
I wish that I could rewind

I miss the feeling of being careless and free
But now I have responsibility shackling me

I miss the days that I could play without stress
But now my life is just a mess

I miss the world inside my imagination
But now it's become my damnation

Every thought is centered around what I need to get done
There is no vocabulary in my life to define "Fun"

And I am not alone, but I feel deserted
I keep calling out, but fear no one heard it

I feel like I am lost inside my mind
And I am searching but I can not find

The way out of this Hell I've been sentenced to
Life was easier before I grew

up.
I'll sing of all the ways I miss you
and how this sorrow came to be
the verses, lies I should have whispered
the chorus, truths in harmony.

The melody will break the silence
and call your broken heart to me
to be repaired by love unyielding
to broken hymns in minor key.
Depression lies and makes us push those we love most away, sometimes so far away that they can never return.
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2015
I wish I was  hollow inside
This pain might be easier to hide
But for now I'll ease my pain in music
The melody will drown my heart
It's fine because I don't want to use it
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2015
Rage is like an angry tidal wave
Roaring up the shore and destroying anything in it's wake
Rage is whats burning inside my heart right now
Rage is what has evoked these torturous traitorous tears
Life breaks people in half, and crumbles them on the floor
And for what? For what am I living for?
If this is the price I must bare
Tell me what is the reward I reap?
Afterlife is a joke
Darkness is all I'll know
But anything is better than this grievous hole
Gaping and festering in my heart
Anything is better than this pain
My sister miscarried the first child she's ever been pregnant with today. I can't explain how much it hurts or even understand her pain.
Katlyn Orthman Jan 2015
My heart is soiled, and filled by ghosts roaming
Traveling the blackened gouged out pathways
A horror t'was to see their mouths foaming
And watch their spectral broken bodies sway

T'was laughable to see me jump in fear
As the moans and groans of tortured souls cried
Their clear eyes become another worlds mirror
And whisper of my regressions I hide

Yet I know I only face my jury
They come hiding behind many dark masks
Locked away in this hell of pure fury
I  close my eyes and take in these cold facts

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
Hell hath no fury like a demon torn
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