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Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
Quiet and dark the room was empty
Waiting quietly for sleep to take me
I was falling when my ears heard it
A voice so quite
It has to be my mind
Because when I looked no face was to find
The absence of sleep must be playing tricks
Because I closed my eyes again and I heard it quick
My heart sputtered to a pound
As I listened for a sound
Closer it came only when my eyes were closed
The owner must not want me to know
I bit my lip and shook with fear
I couldn't stop the soft flow of tears
I rather be alone
But the whispers here would roam
They spoke so quite I couldn't define
I wondered if it was my mind
But I was silent and the whispers grew louder
But never did they shout, never
I'm praying for sleep
But the voices they never sleep
They never rest
It was an evil test
To keep from pulling at my hair
But I heard them, heard them there
I wanted to scream
But nobody could know of the whispers
They'd never understand
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
Wind rushing through the open windows
It's cold but I disregard the bite in the air
The moon is hardly peaking our from behind the snow frosted woods
I can hear the faint whistle as the wind swooshes my curtains
The stars are scattered across the sky
Pulling me into a mesmerizing view
I don't know the names of the stars
Or what they mean
I only see there beauty
And that's what holds me in this spell
Utterly flawless
Burning hot in the moonlit darkness
I was born to watch the night
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
The altar was a blurred vision
She wept
With every step
The room was bare
No one was there
Alone she walked slowly to the front
Where she invisioned her fiancé
The one she would vow her heart to
There was dust on the stairs as she stepped up
Bowing her head her vail was in place
She shook with pain
Her fiancé at war had been slain
She fell to her knees , shattered like glass thrown to the ground
The room spun around
Her world was crashing down
Her belly full with child
She was alone
No mother to guide her steady
No father to help her ready
Not a brother not a sister
Only faded memories of a family that was never hers
Only a gust of her unpledged husbands remains
She remembers how she had begged him to stay
And he only laughed telling her he would be okay
She wanted to scream
She wanted to cry
But she wouldn't die
For the child's sake
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
In the dark I follow this path
Unwritten and unpaved I might crash
Hollow I walk alone
My bones carved and made of stone
My wounds were open to bare
I could feel the crow and raven's hungry stare
Infected by a governmental disease
The growing hunger was a painful tease
Devour the souls it told me
Swallow it whole it told me
I was trying to fight the urge but it over came me
Like a wave , I was eaten by the sea
Destroy was my main cause
I wasn't human I was only flaws
It was a curse but it felt so good
As I slaughtered the whole neighborhood
The only guilt I felt was at the bottom of my heart
It was a small tingle that pulled me apart
No conscience  to tell me to stop
I fought and killed to the top
I was a body without a core
A dead hand pulling open the basement door
A limp and a shimmer as I made my way
The evil pledged inside me would stay
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
Sun setting, disappearing beneath the sea
The slight sadness that was left whisked away
I was there, thinking of my life
And it had struck me
Like a bolt of lightning shot from
The heavens fingers
I was wasting time , I was wasting it on what?
Bits of hurt feelings , and pity for myself
I got up and made my way to the waters edge
And watched my starry reflection
Being pulled in different ways
As the sea breathed
If I wanted to be great
If I wanted to make a small mark
In the big world , I couldn't just sit on the shore
And wait
I have to pursue the fleeting possibilities
I have to open my mind to things
If I wanted to be great I had to think for myself
I have to stop dwelling on little things with
No relevance
Moving onward , walking across the waters
To capture the sun
In my palms
And rise my hands to my ancestors
As an offering
That from this point
I will put forth the strength and integrity
I pledge to have
That I will push my way through if at first the way is to small
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
When I cry I have to hide
Afraid of what others might see
When I'm so vulnerable
When my walls break down
When I let go
Can't stomach that I'm only human
That I hurt that I have feelings
I only want to be numb
I'm losing my mind
I'm losing my grip
So close I might slip
Don't want to feel love
Rage is In my grip
Burning burning
Heating up
I'm dying dying
Falling out
Crying crying
I won't be fine
I'm done with rules
I don't care
I won't care
I done so done
I'm losing my sight
The walls have gone red
My heart is dead
Turn my music up loud
And walk the streets
Put away fear
I can't afford to feel
Katlyn Orthman Dec 2012
If you hate me just say it
I wish you could see
That you're slowly
So slowly killing me
Dying with every wasted breath
Destroyed by every criticism that you spit out
I hate you so much sometimes
I want to leave
But Im stuck
In your claws
Sooner or later we all leave
Sooner than later you'll break down
Soon you'll have no one around
You push us all so far away
You tuck us away in a box of your own
Imprisoned
After I help you
After I give to you
I gave to you when I had nothing!
This time it's different
Don't look for me
When you need help
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