Sometimes I feel like I'm losing,
But then I think there's nothing to be won.
My friends have lies in their eyes and stabs in their hearts from the ones they truly loved,
Who they thought loved them back.
Does anyone know what the word means anymore?

sipping on something
stronger than water
is the only time
i can feel something
stronger.

I just want someone to tell me
It's okay to be myself
When I don't think it is.

I love you how I'll leave you,
With all of my heart.
I have nothing left to give,
So they remain strangers.
My heart always belonged to you,
I'm not sure why I tried selling myself to anyone else.

to everyone ive ever loved
i never wanted to lose you
to everyone who said they loved me
i wish you felt the same
you ripped your way right through my fingers
and just let me
slip away
you didnt really love me
loving to me means
never letting go.

I watched the flowers on my bedside die
and I thought of us.

When the storm ends we are left with silence, which sometimes, is even more painful.

The love you share
Is one i want
One i dont think ill ever get
Not that it is out of reach
Just that
Everything i end up grabbing
I squeeze too hard
Everything i end up grabbing
Crumbles.
At least
I can watch the people around me
Maybe that will be enough

Everyone is distracted
It wouldn't be until I was drowning
That anyone would notice I jumped

How can I please you?
How can I please you?
How can I please you?

By losing myself.

on my own,
I can accept myself
it's when other people enter my mind
that I crumble
thinking of how vulnerable I have to be
to let someone in
to my garden of weeds  
hoping that they have the patience
to see that weeds are still
growth
i have not let my soil run dry
i have just
lost sight of how to grow
anything else.

you told me that you loved me
so i lit a match and
watched the words
go up in flames
in front of me
i swallowed the words
i love you too

Knees weak
I walked so far to find you
And you walked right past

there are days
i think i've found
the right ones
there are days
i think i know
i'm not alone
these are not
most days
but i wish they were
i fake that i'm okay with it
truth is
i've been longing for love
but it's hiding everywhere i cannot see.

And in the moments i feel im not alone
Someone rips the rug right under me
Just to remind me that
I am.

if there ever comes a day
where you don't feel loved
remember I love you
I never forgot you
I remember you every second
of every day
I hope my feelings for you
travel through space and time
comfort you when you're about to sleep
surround your thoughts
and whisper i love you one million times over

Disappointment lies on the other side of opening your eyes so I only kiss you with my eyes closed tight.  Seeing people for who they really are is something that has made me lose hope in the past. If I saw you I'm not sure I'd like you but drunk and with my lips on yours I do, and I'm not sure I know the difference. Real and fake are close friends who trust eachother too much without question. You told me you were real but then you didn't stop when I said no and I started to think that all I was to you was just a body. Suddenly real and fake became distinct and all I wanted to do was close my eyes.  Maybe the shame wouldn't feel so bad or maybe I wouldn't feel so bad. Maybe you'd be who I wished you were, maybe you'd be who I saw before I opened my eyes.

As fast as you were remembered
You were forgotten

You're not the one

sometimes i wonder
if you are actually too busy
or if
you're just too busy for me.
i already know the answer
but when i accept it
we will be through
and i don't know what my life looks like
without you.

do not put me on a pedestal
i am human
put me on the ground
can you still love me here?

I was right in thinking
you needed to be loved
I was wrong in thinking
mine was enough

my dreams are nightmares in disguise,
tricking me all the time they are
silhouettes that look a lot like love
i slip you on like a night dress
delicate and smooth
hugging my every move
a ghost i've let into my body
breathing my every breath
replacing it with unknown
giving it things that once were my own
unaware if i'll ever see that part of me again
i wave goodbye and
in morning time
im born again
but this face that i don't recognize
still isn't good enough in your eyes
nothing ever is.

I cannot handle hot water being held over me
Either pour it out
Or cut me out.

i get all caught up
in the words you say
i forget i can speak
and i'll be okay.

I don't know
If I liked you
Or
If I was just lonely.

What I fear,
Is that I can't feel the difference.

im trying to build houses but
youre stuck inside my head
burning them.

Thank you for letting me go
For the silence of letting me know
I can move on

Everybody moves on
If you don't
You'll simply be
left behind.

you wanted to keep me close
so that you had something
but you had everything
and didn't even care
I was whole when you met me
and shrunk to nothing
when you left me.

your love letters used to make me feel
love
and then hate
but now
they are just words on paper
and all they make me feel is
free.

My eyes are still wet from where you used to be,
I'm not sure they'll ever be dry.
The only way I think I could accept the fact you're gone,
Is if you come back.
So I beg of you,
In a dream,
Tell me that everything is going to be ok.

I thought I was done losing
Done pretending
Done trying to prove
My heart only wants you
To be happy
If you don’t know that by now
I will never be enough
Nothing will ever be enough

Missing you
Has become my way of breathing
Everyday, always
I am missing you.

I used to love you,
Before I knew you,
When I thought you were someone else.
Now I see you,
And I wish I kept my eyes closed.

I was wondering why
The other day
Why they were ten steps ahead when
Last I checked
We were heading down the same path
On the same train
We had seats beside each other
Didn't we?
That's when I realized
We were standing still.
I stared at you for a year,
And when I finally came to blink,
Everything had changed.

It would be nice
if our eyes
never ran dry,
I would have never
had to blink.

If you look closely you can see
Flowers grow out of the darkest parts of me

This life has taught me a lot about goodbyes
They either come now
Or later
In every I love you I'm silently letting go
So that when goodbye comes maybe it won't hurt as much as the first time I lost someone.
I can only try my best to live as unattached as I can
Because this numbness feels better
Than the pain I refuse to remember.

Taking it slow is one
Type of relationship
But what do you call
Not moving at all?

Her petals were always the first to be noticed,
their sweet smell and softness distracted strangers' eyes.
She managed to blossom for a while,
entertaining their idea of her perfection,
but after a while,  
her thorns would ***** the flesh of those who dared to come closer.

All have ran at the sight of blood.

Will anybody ever stay?

You're the only thing I thought could make me feel better,
But here I am fine,
And where are you?

I'm tired.
I'm exhausted.
Walking down the street is draining.
Talking to you is draining.
You're a waste of my time,
you live life in a way that I don't understand, and frankly don't want to.
So I won't try.
You'll close your eyes and pretend you're asleep,
as you go about your days like everyone else.
just.like.every.one.else.

I'll close my eyes when I'm asleep,
but seem to be the only one with them open during the day.
I see things,
that I wish I could forget.
Sometimes I wish I was like you,
ignorant and cowardly.
Life seems a bit easier for you to just "forget".

But then I remember,
people like me are indifferent to you and if anything
I want a few good friends who I can call home
rather than a sea of strangers
letting me roam.

I lay here,
Exhausted from the work,
Not knowing why I do it,
But someone along the way said it would be worth it.
I ask what is worth,
Living your life as a silhouette?
They silence me and say, pay your dues, pay your dues.
Sometimes the hardest thing to say,
Everyone else is thinking,
So say it,
And maybe,
We can all stop paying for something that was given to us far before we knew the value of a dollar.

timing told us we were wrong
and we tried anyway
my heart told me you were wrong
and we tried anyway
it's always felt wrong with the ones who ended up leaving but
I can never force myself to walk away first
I don't like giving up on the people that I love
even if they don't love me back

The hole in your heart just keeps getting deeper and deeper.
The further we get,
the lower we go,
and the less hope we have of recovering.
The last time I risked it all,
I ended up empty.
This time I'm playing it safe.
I placed my bet and it wasn't enough,
goodbye and good luck.

i'm tired of being kissed
i want to do the kissing without
threatening your masculinity or
making you feel small
isn't there something powerful in a woman
licking her lips and
swallowing you whole?

The thing is
you didn't have to leave
and all that says to me
is I wasn't enough
to make you stay.

the scars will remind us
of where you came from
and why you are here.

Your lips touched mine
and just in time
I pulled away.
I almost fell,
but the thought of you catching me
scared me half to death.
Just because your lips are filled with good intentions,
doesn't mean your heart is too.

You walk into my mind
You take over
Its beautiful for a moment
And then you leave
And then its torture

Sometimes I just feel like I’m destined to be alone.
To travel the world and let my mind be the only love of my life.
I feel trapped inside of myself trying to be understood but not willing to put myself out there enough to let anyone.
I’m not sure why.
I don’t feel like I need anyone,
I don't feel like anyone needs me.

It's ironic really,
How you like me because I don't want anything from you,
Yet all you do is take from me.