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Now this isn't quite a poem but it keeps me up at night just the same.

hes my best friend only in a way. I'm not sure if he thinks of, or even see's me but hes in my dream.
i'm under water with a sheet of what appears to be glass over me. As i'm screaming and crying and all but breathing I see him on the other side, trying to get to me. no use as it seems i'm not going to make it. As i look down for a solution i see him. He's the reason for this pain the reason i have trouble smiling like i used to or even speaking. He holds me back and i struggle... struggle...struggle... please please please please help me. Break the glass let me breath, its all your fault. Why cant you just leave me? Although the apairent death to  become he stays to try to help me but part of me is still  taken away with the other one and i can't take it anymore.  don't still love him it can't be, he destroyed me killed me. I'v found someone who will keep me for me so please stop this nonsense and just go away because, you are the reason i'm scared to go to sleep at night because i know you'll  there.
1...
2...
3...
Just you and me
4...
5...
6...
this makes me sick
7...
8...
9...
you waisted my time
10...
11...
12...
GO TO ******* HELL
The pain grew and grew,
And I began to experience suicidal thoughts,
I realized that life for me,
Was at a desperate impasse,
I thought of the garage,
Of a place where I might sit in the car,
And inhale carbon monoxide,
I'd look at the rafters,
In the attic and think,
Of them as places where,
I might hang myself,
I look at sharp objects,
As being implements,
For my wrist.
Have you ever felt like,
you don't know what is going on anymore.
Like you don't care,
about anything anymore.
You've lost motivation,
to do anything.
Your mind is set on to many things,
that you are confused,
about your feelings,
and you can't explain how you feel either.
The feeling of emptiness,
and feeling like barley anyone is there for you.
Feeling that no one understands,
you anymore.
And it seems like,
there is nothing,
to look forward to anymore..
I'd be lying,
If I told you,
Loosing you,
Is something,
I could,
Handle.
Girlfriend.
At the age of 2 I wanted to be a cop,
At the age of 4 I wanted to be a rock star,
At the age of 6 I wanted to be a doctor,
At the age of 8 I wanted to be a vet,
At the age of 10 I wanted to be a writer,
At the age of 12 I wanted to be a chief,
At the age of 14 I want to die.



The thing is,
At the age 2 I wanted to be a cop,
At the age 4 I was messed with,
At the age 5 I was still messed with so I cut,
At the age 6 I was still messed with so I cut,
At the age 7 I was still messed with so I tried to overdose,
At the age 8 he got what h wanted so I tried to **** myself and it almost worked I was in the hospital for 2 weeks.
At the age 9 I still want to be dead,
At the age 10 I get forced into it again, and end up having a miscarriage,
At the age 11 I am broken from loosing a baby I carried for 5 months,
At the age 12 I tried to **** myself again,
At the age 13 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety,
At the age 14 I am here, giving up, now had two miscarriages, and I'm broken, still cutting, wanting to overdose everyday, but now has a girl that means the world to me, She and my Nephew and baby brother is the only reason I'm still on this place you call Earth.
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