It's been a year. A whole year and so much has happened.
Sept. 5- we start dating. I'm excited because you're really cute and we have a lot in common. Sept. 22- you talk about *** a lot. I'm starting to think maybe that's all you want. But you haven't tried anything... Oct. 5- we've been dating for a month. I care a lot about you and we have more in common than i thought. I'm really happy with you.  Oct. 19- tonight's the homecoming dance. I really want to dance with you, but you spend the whole night looking, searching for a place for us to have ***. You even got a ****** from your friend. You don't find a place and I'm secretly relieved. I don't want to have *** with you. Nov. 5- We've been dating for two months, I love you. And I believe you when you say you love me too. But now you're pushing me to do stuff with you. Nov 11- you have heart surgery. the doctor gives you pain pills and you become addicted to them. You're meaner now, when you talk to me. Dec. 5- 3 months have gone by... you're more forceful now when you want to do ****** stuff. Even if I say you don't want to, you don't seem to care. You force your hands on me...in me... then my hands on you. I hate it. But I don't say anything to you. It happens almost every day now. Dec. 31- I have a new year's party and you're there. I'm relieved because my family and friends are there, so you can't do anything. We can't be alone and nothing can happen. I drink to my misery. We've been fighting a lot lately and no matter whose fault it is, I always apologize. I think I still believe you when you say you love me. Jan. 5- 4 months have passed and nothing has changed, except you're meaner. You make fun of my cuts even though you caused them. Why do I still love you? Do you even love me? Feb. 3- you break up with me. Except for the next week you're still texting me, calling me, saying you love me, kissing me, you don't leave. I'm having a conversation with a friend and you have me pinned to a corner because I won't talk to you. You start kissing my neck and for a moment I'm frozen. Finally, I push you off. Feb. 5- today would've been 5 months.  Feb. 22- I try to **** myself because of everything you did. March 19- me and him start dating. March 30- he finds out about what you did. I'm afraid he'll leave but he doesn't. He holds me closer now. April 19- today is by birthday. You see me in the hall and smile and say 'happy birthday' I freeze and don't say anything. May 24- its the last day of school and you try to say you're goodbyes to me. June- we talk maybe once. You're still addicted to pills. July- we don't talk at all. Aug. 18-  It's the night before the first day of school. He has to hold me as I have a panic attack about seeing you. Aug. 19- we have classes together. I want to die. Sept. 3- you somehow get me alone. You tell me its been 7 months since we broke up and you tell me how guilty you feel. I wish I believed you. Sept. 5- its been a whole year. So much has happened and I want to forget it all. But I can't.