piling warm loads of laundry on my bed falling asleep with you amongst the miss matched socks and wrinkling jeans feeling like everything can wait

Why do we so long for that which we do not know?  Why is it the knowing, the safety, and the comfort drain us and the only way to fill up and live again is to be fighting and scared and so consumingly unsure?
Why does she go looking for trouble in all the right places?
And why are some days so very much heavier than others?
The light ones almost seem to drift away in the memory taunting the mind to recall whether they were real at all or just existent in the crevasse between sleep and dreaming where all misplaced and beautiful horrible things go to linger a while

the sickly soft and sentimental sensations of yesteryears seep into the sequentially searing scars of last nights mistakes
and the smoke simultaneously serenades my soft tissue into sorrow soaked sleepless sunday mornings
and we silently seek solace in the safe haven of wordless songs

I need to break the trailhead and sweat the sadness through
the pores and holes and missing pieces of me that let it in for you
I'm forever shaking from exposure to the elements;
this irreversible coldness resulting from your negligence
I can't go on like this; so very different from who I used to be
I'm scared of who I will become if I don't soon recover the old me
I'm in search of steeper trails to bring me closer to
the clearer, blissful, happier me I was before my soul made room for you

Young nameless girl wandered between lost and found. She applied her makeup mask too heavily on her faceless face and spent timeless times waiting for careless boy to care.

in the spinning circles of mass disorder
and the emotions that run rampant

in the inconsistency of the love I deserve
and the ones who want to love me but can't yet

in the influences that taint my blood and mind and will
the caffeine, the smoke, the alcohol that sits for days distilled

in the fluidity of these numbered days
and memories only made beautiful because they're gone

in the never ending collapsing of one thing into the next
with my bewildered mind never escaping from itself to get some rest

Within the whirlwind that is my life right now I am anchored, I am humbled, I overflow with gratitude that in all the inconsistency He waits for me the same.  The sameness in His presence; the unchanging, unwavering, unalterable presence that is Him.
He will always love me; always forgive me.
He waits.
And in the shakiness of growing up, He gives me stability.

Try waking up early, when no one's awake
Drink hot black coffee even if you don't like the taste.
Try something new, breath it in, embrace

Embrace where you live, even if it's not all that great
There must be something, appreciate before it's too late

Appreciate the laughter you share with new souls,
Appreciate the 3 AM talks with important people, don't ever lose touch

Keep in touch with everyone you meet, no matter how it ended
Whether it be a fight, a move, a death. Talk to them, never forget

Never forget the girls you'll meet in the bathrooms,
too drunk to pronounce their names
Never forget their beauty,
Even though they held their heads in shame

Shame on you for lying, but know these things happen.
Shame on you for pushing away those you should have never let go

But let go of those who bring you down, let go of those who don't love with everything they have.
Let go for the better, but remember to let more in then you do, out.

Let in the girl with purple hair, who seems to be a little off.
Let her in because soon, she'll teach you to be tough

Be tough against the one's who peer pressure
They're not worth your time
Be yours before you're there's, and I promise you'll be fine.