The hardest is always day 5
Day 5 is usually when I give in, give way, collapse, lapse
Day 5 is like those Fridays when I was so far from you
Aching for you is the loudest on days like that
But then goes 5 days
5 days without talking to you
Then a week
And every second gets easier
Because I’ve been listening to music
Music I shared with you
But I’m starting to figure out it’s still mine
You never even appreciated it
So I’m reclaiming it
I’m reclaiming all of me
And I’m finding being on my own
And rediscovering myself
Isn’t an act I can do out of spite for the way you treated me
Things like this happen in time all their own
Seconds pass, minutes, hours
I read, I listen, I run, I hike, I experience
I laugh and cry and sometimes the aching still seeps in
But mostly I grow and change and heal
I have no anger for you anymore
In some odd way I'm thankful things happened the way they did
Thankful to have the chance to discover that I still have this within me
Happy to be healing

I don't know how to matter to you

I hope between dreams
You hear my breath breaking the cold night air

I hope in slumber  
You feel my nail edges tracing your mysterious skin; warm and bare

I hope in that evening sleep
You turn and smell my tangled hair

I hope some nights you wake up
And if only for a moment, forget that I'm not there

Don't allow me to lean on you
Don't answer when I call you out of the blue

Stop asking me questions
Stop finding ways to let me know you care
When I dry my eyes and turn around
Please promise me you won't be there

He came before and after you
So it's not fair to stick around
And make a mess of what you left of me
I thought I left you when I left town

You know full well I care for him
So if you truly care for me
Stop pretending that you've changed
Stop speaking of this elusive "we"

I'm dying can't you see?
If you love me leave me be
I'm your remedy
But you're my disease

With each of your confessions I waste away
You cling to me as I decay
You think of me and ruin my day
My existence hangs on the words you don't say

So as my blaze fades to a dull glow
Please find a way to let me go
Because I think we need to perish or slow
Before I can relearn how to grow

she and I run to and from the waves
like little kids at play
at a beach on a sickeningly sweet day

we run toward the ocean and get swept up in the tide
these fickle boys that sway our life

you're always there for me when the salt water licks my wounds
and I promise I'm there for you now-even if we can't be in the same room

I guess a storm came in and made us go inside
the lightening made you cry, the thunder made you hide

but summer will come in the nick of time
you'll lay under the sunshine
with a healed heart and a free mind

when he doesn't remember
when he doesn't text or call
when he doesn't think of me
when he doesn't think at all

when he doesn't miss me
when he doesn't let me know
when he doesn't say how he feels
I fear he's letting go