My first word was “scared”
Not because it was taught to me
But because it was all
I knew
I was taught the word
“Emaciated”
But I wasn’t told what it meant
I just knew
Because it was all
I was
I learned to count
By counting the ribs through
My starved skin
While they were counting guns
Ammunition…

This world is frightening
And I’ve been thrown in
And no one cares
All they can do
Is run headlines of poor Darfur
On TVs of people who don’t watch…

After I finished counting my ribs
I counted each relative who died
I couldn’t count high enough
And I lost track
And then when I finally died
All they did was post my picture
On the internet
While the ones who killed me run free
Counting their ammunition
But never the targets they hit

I told her I was late
Because I had a meeting.
She went to tell my mother
I was in for a beating.

Mother’s furious when I come home.
She tells me what was said
And informs me that I’m grounded
And that I’m not to leave my bed.

But that’s not what I said!
—Are you calling her a liar!?
No, she must have just misunderstood!
The situation’s not so dire!

But nonetheless I find myself
Locked up in my room,
On the phone telling him
That I wish to be released soon.

He said what she said wasn’t fair,
That I shouldn’t be in trouble.
Unfortunately, he said, he knows
That what she said counts for double.

The next day we said what went on
And they heard loud and clear,
But what they said to her and him
To the truth was no where near.

So he said she said you said what?
And they said we said I said that!?
Oh no you did not just say
That he dared to call me fat!

But he said he wants my number,
But you said he said something more.
Then she said they said my mom’s back
To make me do my chores.

Why would my mother come here
To tell me what to do?
Because he said we said they said that
I’m going out with you.

Link the two events together.
You’ll find there is no way.
The he-said-she-said gossip mess
Is how we spend our days.

Yet no explanation do we find
For the crazy things they said,
Nor do we know why we say
Whatever pops into our heads.

So when rumors are flying, left and right,
And pronouns start replacing names,
Beware what he said she said you all said;
You’ll get caught in gossip games.

I always suspected electricity
Ran rampant through my veins
To make me dazed and dizzy
But unable to sit still
It made me prone to flights of fancy
So I left giddy trails of sparks
Blazing proof of my restlessness
That once brightly caught your eye

Once your gaze had found my own
My moods came in swooning flares
And you crackled alongside me
Filling my aching, empty silence
With shiny, blessed noise
We burned so beautifully
With my electric fire
And your trilling declamations
Light and sound intertwining
Like thunder that had finally caught up with its lightning

It seemed like Nature's order
A completion of the whole
Two halves that followed each other
Unthinkingly and automatically

So one day when I found silence
It felt like Earth itself was splitting

Panicked, I burned more brightly
Stoked the fire just in case
I feared that I had dimmed
And been the cause of this new quietness
So when I still heard nothing
I thought my efforts insufficient
And I ran my highest currents
Until my wires nearly melted
Thinking the sun and I were comparable
And anticipating a response

And still I heard no trilling
No crackling at my side
So I wondered if perhaps
I had shined beyond your limits
Swiftly, I contracted
Reined in my flares and doused the fire
Thinking sudden darkness
Might just shock you into sound

I finally heard the faintest popping
Not quite the rending that I wanted
But a break from quiet all the same
Afraid of spoiling the moment
I leashed my electricity
Kept myself dim so I could hear you
Though I felt the writhing beneath my skin

It finally became unbearable
So I flashed like wild lightning
Lashed out and struck the ground
Hoping for your thunder
A dark and roiling storm
Swirling raindrops and clouds colliding
And deep, ugly noise

All I wanted was your thunder
But in the end
It was only me yelling
Screaming out for downpours
Alone
Listening to my own echoes
Waiting for you to harmonize

In the end
I was always waiting
Wondering when you'd chosen silence
Wondering why I'd let you dim me
Wondering how it was we'd ever *burned