I don't need a god
Or any idol before me
I'd rather not kneel and show my weakness
I'd rather weep the tears
Mourn a final time
To show how scared I am
I don't need a cross to hold
I don't need a bottle or blade
I need the silence of a vacant altar
What I need is never what I get
What I want is nothing
But **** it I require a voice to say it'll be ok
For something or somebody
To comfort me in the darkest of days
Even those who love the dark fear it
They know all to well the monsters created
The demons that awaken
It's more than just a nightmare
It's a abyss always drowning its victims
With their own fears
I just pray to my insanity
Maybe my depression
Or perhaps the dark
To allow me one more river of tears
So I can finally swim out of this desert
I've loved and lossed
Lived and learned
Made mistakes invaluable
My proof is the scars
I doubt you'll ever believe the story to
This isn't just an atheists prayer
This is the plea of a monster with no conscious
To finally feel an emotion rather than anger and hate
Depression brings only crimson tears
I just wish somebody can tell me they understand
Yet you'll try and tell me
I should find an anchor in your heavenly father
It's not as easy as saying you believe
I'll never believe in a hypocrite
I'll only believe that one day
My prayer will be answered
With the bringing of boney fingers to my throat
Grains of sands falling
Causing the bells of my demise to toll
Swinging about the sythe to my chest
My prayer is to finally cry
To finally let out all the pain

Faded snapshots through time
Where each moment was real
And the world was all mine
Straight and strong was my keel
    
r ~ 28Feb14

How long do I have to hold my breath until you realize I've turned blue?
My heads been in the clouds waiting for that rainy day
To wash away my thoughts and let it fall on those around me
They can hear the droplets by stay dry with their umbrellas
Real friends go in the rain with you
How long do I have to hold my breath unit you realized I've turned blue?

In the light is when your existence came into my 3rd dimension
A starlight gleaming through a prism of perfect
Blinded by my own fear of all that is beautiful
Not the way you do you hair
Or the way you walk
It's the way you are and how you talk
Conversations moving like the hands on a clock
I lose track of myself
All because
I....

Like the rain drops when it comes to climbing the ladder
where my happiness awaits I keep on
Falling down, fallin' down

I look at you and reject myself, but for what?
The fact that I'm so easily attracted
and don't even know your name

What makes me turn my head at the first sign of beauty...
Nothing like being rejected by those you deem Gorgeous
Like the rain drops in the sky my self confidence keeps on
Falling down, fallin' down

Mind set on perfection and not completion
Ones heart wants to spread itself thin
Like a puzzle we yearn for the other pieces to our heart

I feel less than interesting, palms sweaty, and irrelevant
To any who have caught my eye
The suppression of my feelings continue
How am I suppose to get up when I keep
Falling down, fallin' down?

Don’t you wish this feeling could last forever? You know, that feeling you get when things are going good, smooth sailing not a wave in the water to rock the boat. That smile that you want to just hide but you can’t? The feeling of accomplishment because today was just so fantastic you want the feeling to last a lifetime. It’s the feeling. What we strive for from beginning to end it’s all we ever wanted. But why do we encounter it less as we grow older? Do we grow out of feelings like we do our own clothes? One day we are at the peak of Everest the next it’s like we are looking for Atlantis. Sometimes it’s just nowhere to be found, other times it’s hidden in plain sight. We trade what we know and what we have to get a little taste of it. Whether temporary or impermanent we stop at nothing. Forever fades and loses its meaning physically and creates a whole new one for itself because of we; the people. Like a tv show on our favorite network it’s there only for so long then made into copies to be preserved in time, so why can’t we do that? Capture what little happiness we can obtain in a jar and save it for a rainy day? It would be too easy, everyone would do it, might even try to steal each other’s. Is our world sick now? Will we ever find a remedy for this ailment we create ourselves because of addictions and niches? How far will we go to be better than everyone at something that virtually has no meaning? What’s going to happen if we can’t be the best at our little something, ****? Nothing seems to add up anymore and I’m sick of it, I hate math. Unless we divide and conquer I think I’m outta here. World peace can never happen until we are all at peace within our own society.