last night
I came to the conclusion
that
every time you leave, I
die a little inside
and
I don’t want to tell you
‘cause
if you knew
I’m not sure whether you’d
stay in effort to keep me alive
or if you’d
keep on leaving until I’m

dead

Paint me a world in the eyes of a child who finds refuge deep in my arms
In them let me see the best pieces of me, let life bring them no harm
Let love be in their life and let their lives be in love from sunset to sunrise
Give me a glimpse into a love encapsulated within their eyes

Catering the soul of this penniless pauper is the gentlest of hands
Words sweetly singing a symphony of love that echo for all to understand
Branded are in ways so pure, long lost to the sand of time
All this for me to feel as that child places their hand in mine

I wish you were a book then you'd be always by my side
Not eight hundred miles and a fourteen hour ride
In my hands I'd hold you gently caring ne'er to break your spine
I would gaze on you for hours, every word and every line
My fingers gently brush aside each page as they're read through
As if they were the golden locks that block your eyes from view
Whether saddened or enlightened or made laugh till I'm bright red
You'd become my happy place, hot chocolate and toasted bread
But even though I know books end and some are hardly true
There are books yet to be written
And this time my story's you

I didn't sleep again last night
my yesterday is still taking place
as my fingers gently press these keys
so as to not wake my brother
restless,
I realized,
I've seen a sunset
but never a sunrise

the streets were still asleep
the only ones about
only the down and out
the poor black folk
the aimless hipsters
the homeless
the single mothers with three jobs
who wait alone
under a flickering street light
for the bus which will take them
to their deadpan jobs
the puddles from last night's storm
rest with not a ripple
and the pretty little birdies
start finding their voice
restless,
I realized,
after the sunsets
the world opens up her eyes

periwinkle horizons
blend easily with the grey skyline
and the line between man and God blurs
the sky is tropical mango cocktails
and pillows of white Caribbean sand
the smell is left -
like a residue -
chasing after the tail of a storm
but the air is wet to the touch
hinting at repeat of the downpour
and I would've sat on the arm of that denim sofa
hour after hour
until the world was ready to wake up
giving me a chance to sleep off their insecurities,
only,
I felt like writing this poem
only,
I felt like a sunrise
or maybe a sunset?
or just maybe
a ******* supernova
I felt good
brimming with peace in my gut
like a warm fire
restless,
I realized,
that after all is set
I will still love the sunrise

Let's back pace, erase my face from your memory
I will leave and make you believe my new identity
Level-headedness was never in the job description
Pushing away this world like it's a bad addiction

I have a love unending
Transcending space and time
Living in the world I create deep within my rhyme
And I stand 'till I choose to sit
And I will sit for now
Wiping inkblots off my page as if sweat from my brow

Let's back pace, erase my face from your memory
I will leave and make you believe my new identity
Level-headedness was never in the job description
Pushing away this world like it's a bad addiction

She was and still is the girl
The girl who was unobtainable
Yet my body stays restrainable as I sit here scribbling
Tossing her hair over her shoulder
I stick to my seat as if atop me's a boulder
And I try to convince myself that I'm too busy

Let's back pace, erase my face from your memory
I will leave and make you believe my new identity
Level-headedness was never in the job description
Pushing away this world like it's a bad addiction

I am a boy who doesn't take chances
While the words dance in my brain
And I write of love and true romance and live them on the page
So my **** has finally decided to not partake in the occasion
And stay seated so I'm not defeated to prevent sorrow's invasion

Let's back pace, erase my face from your memory
I will leave and make you believe my new identity
Level-headedness was never in the job description
Pushing away this world like it's a bad addiction

My brain and heart battle for control
Of shifting feet and lover's soul
And what stands as inconceivable is why I'm so lost
A chance is a chance and that is all they are
And I need not travel very far
Not trying is still losing and standing and sitting both have their cost

Let's back pace, erase my face from your memory
I will leave and make you believe my new identity
Level-headedness was never in the job description
Pushing away this world like it's a bad addiction                                                                                        

Heaven's eyes lie through ruby curls
She meets my glance and smiles at me
While I stew with ink-stained fingers here in purgatory
Stand up, **** it! Just stand up! My heart and head reach a conclusion
Pages only go so far and the safety of sitting an illusion

Let's back pace, erase my face from your memory
I will leave and make you believe my new identity
Level-headedness was never in the job description
Pushing away this world like it's a bad addiction

I stand up and find, to my surprise,
My legs choosing to support
Dropping pen and picking up the ball that's in my court
And I walk up to the girl who plagues my dreams
As if her very being, to me, beckons and calls
Only to hear the world laughing at me as I slip, trip, and fall

And hell is all to real to the boy who occupied purgatory
With tear-filled eyes from looking to heaven
With ****** nose caused from leaving his seat
Seeing my chance flutter away as I run out of the room
Indented in the red haired girl's eyes as a simple buffoon

Let's back pace, erase my face from your memory
I will leave and make you believe my new identity
Coming back another day to claim my love once more
And being ever so careful to make sure my face meets yours, not the floor

I stopped smoking ***,
So I had to play Super Nintendo games to neglect any thought of you,
Oh so temporarily

I'll make the hairs of this violin bow with moth's wings,
And play you the night,
Search and drifted,
Through such shade,
Shimmering company,
Defined by glass boundaries,
They bang their bodies against them,
Because they know no touch,
These are the victims of a desperate song

Two chairs are out from under each end of the table,
They are facing me in a very angled and personal way,
As if people are lounging and having a conversation with me,
That's because Saturday's and Friday's ghosts of myself are sitting in them,
Maybe having drinks,
Or supporting their titled heads with one hand,
Cracking knuckles with the other,
I've been alone for five days now,
The house is very empty and quiet in a loud and crowded kind of way,
I become a ***** man when I'm alone for that long,
But maybe today,
I'll give the house a nice scrub

Holding on tightly
to what was
never grasped:
insanity defined.