He stared
Walking up
The ally
At the thought
He once kept

The ball
Rolling along
His footprint

He stood
There searching
Somewhere between
Madness and emptiness

Where are the towers
We crumbled together
Why won't they rebuild for me
When I need protection
From my own greed

What kind of spell
Did you put on me
Opening my heart
To you was silly

Now all I want
Are my wings
So I can fly away
From the shame
That I failed you

Only if I could hide what's
In your mind
And hold it up under me

I'd take you as mine
And love with you
In ecstacy

Her toes dug into my belly
As I held her hands to the floor
She couldn't get up
And yelled for more

Driven by my own lustful hate
Of realities fate
I worshipped her

Darkness fell
On my lips that night
As I watched her
Swallow the infinite fire

Even the light I had in my eyes
Went out
She even took the breath I breathed
Until one day she wrote in blood across her forehead
I loved you much more than me

Where is my creativity
There's a giant black boulder
Sitting in between

Move this
Let me free
But who has the keys

You'll have to look
On my sleeve

Wishes on for hours
Ending bliss
A stolen kiss
Envious glares
Becoming unaware
That there's a signal
To the stares
That keep her there
Unprepared for
Rushes of sin
Sparkling tokens
Lost,
In an effort
To change
The way it's
Always been

Live a
Drunk exsistance!

Do you forget me
When we haven't talked

Have you thought
About me
After dark

Do the memories
Ever touch
The fringes
Of your mind

I wonder
And so do i

Lost inside
Pages of you
Torn clothes
Ripped veins
Dirt colored floors

Face planted
Head spinning
Whipped lashes
Against dry
Faces

Numb
Paralyzed

Flight
Flight

I Desire
Your name
On the back
Of my veins tongue
Piercing delight
Into hollow caves
Vibrational vocals
To lungs
Inhaling her face

Her crossed arms
Shook me
Her face evaded
Such rhythm
That I couldn't
Stand it

She lingered
Long enough
For me to
Touch her
Heart felt ecstacy

In space
We were a palgrium
Never to congur
Under the light
We drew
Together

Her heaven
My space
We created
Such a place

We both
Hold on together
Forever and ever

Inner demons
Crawling back up
To ear shots ring

Unbelievable belligerence
Low self esteem

Enough enough
Demeaning screams

Outside
Hitting
In

Please please
Let me peak
Over this hell
(A pact of peace and Concord)

Why write
When I can
Devour you whole

With spaces
Unorthodoxed
Purpetually
Unspoken

Convinced
To soften
Hearts
On sleeves

Condemned
Foragely
Burdened

For after life
After

She sent me to a hellish destroyer
Called loves angel
Where I fall
I fall hard
Spinning square
In a circle of
Obsessive thoughts
Words
Music
Memories
Clips
Of me and you

It's in the idea of something
We find Love

Tokens
To loose
To keep
To shake
To speak

For that
Hold no grudge
They just want
You to realise
You're not one
Of us

You are unique
Your own to keep
Write it down
Repeat

Can I tailor my life
in a way
that suits
my every need

And feels the most
intimate details
that circumference me?

Ripped
D
O
  W
    N
To rawness
Leaking out of me
Each tear of flesh
Your words bring
Represents us
How could you
Ignite a heart
Then leave

Now I don't know
Where to go
Torn and bruised up
I'll leave too

God sent a serpent
I brought a belt
One full of bullets
Aimed at your face

You
Me
You
More me
Less you
More me
Less you
Less me
You
More you
You me
Us
We
You me

You left me
Completely shocked

As I lie to myself
Liquid crimson regret
Starts pouring over
All my words

You had me all wrong
I didn't mean to hurt you
I just don't know how
To say NO

Aggressive at first
Turned quiet overnight
As bones settled
With what the
Heart already knew

Opening exits
Closing down doors
Leaving behind exes
That don't care anymore

Following
No leading
You down my
Twisted Finger
Scrapping the dark
Devil's path again

Assuming this time
Hell let me win
Ill struggle
Ill plead
Ill die before
I'm set free

But oh second chances
Will always be
Till theyre not
You see...

Moon enchant
Me with the flare of desire
Capture my entire
Wrap me loose
Where your arms settle
Hold me close
Without you
I'm a ghost

Under burning lamps
My skins touch
Scorches yours

Do you like
The pain
The fear
My penetrating love
Brings on

In the end
It WILL dissolve
All that's left
Of you

Turning yours
Black and blue

Mine still bursting
In flames

Over what you
Can never give me
what I ask
I want

His round twine
bunddled up tight
unwinding slowly
unraveling marvouleous
Makings

Untold adventures
down the road

Future twist
Ironic plots

Keeping up
time in his
own way

Feeling free
amazing high

You are my stratosphere
my welcoming rays
that bring in gifts
untaken by no one else

you are my enemy
when I feel ashamed
you are my lover
when I feel cleaned

everything in its
right place at
the right time
kind of thing

you are my energy
give it to me

Monsters
Why are you eating me
What is it in my skin
That's so appealing

Or do you crave
To get in under
Lock and key
So you can
Take over my body

You deaden my eyes
And rest my head
Thank you for listening
To my gentle cries
At night I like to share

Light hurts
It feels like I disappear again
Sets my feet
Souls on fire
And ashes of rust melt in me now
Making a machine again
Till sundown madness

You're distilled
soaked through
reverent of
task at hand

pondering
complexities
that play
ring a round
the rosies
all day long
in your head

longing to quiver
******
and touch

common sense
would tell you
you're **** Out Of Luck

to put it bluntly
You're ******!

Specks of sand drift slowly
As I wait at the bottom
Of my hourglass again.

People
Why

I like my Dark
Especially when it's
On Fire

Ice is water
And too smooth
For my satisfaction

I don't need a breeze
Or a tree
Or to find me

I'm okay with me
And accept all of my
Flaws behavior
And the abscence
Of my positivity

I can create in the dark
With spells and bountiful PEACE

It feels like my bodies
Been spread over time
And these inches become miles
As particle cells
laughing in the wind
Following each other
Their giggles hold breaths
Of forgiveness
Leaving all the lies
On dandelion wires

She speaks when no one else is looking.

There was a devil
in my eyes
but a twinkle
in your stare

I wonder
what would
happen if we
combined the pair

Coming under
your spell
I feel my
thoughts drifting

Pull away
my body
tells me...

cause I can't fall
and nor do I dare

there's a twinkle
in my eyes
and a devil in
your stare

Her hair waved
With passionate oversight
She dawned
Every time she whipped it and
It grew light
She was a princess
But then
She cut it.

And found those
Words were
People's idea of what
She thought she was
Then when she was ready
She cut it again and said
I am a transman
And the weight got lifted
His aura changed.

People got scared
But guess what
His smile got bigger
Cuz he didn't care.

And his body felt
Light and tingly
Every time he thought
Of himself as a man
With that question gone
he didn't ever have to
Say I'm sorry again.

He grew confident and proud
That he had grown into his skin!
Yay me!!!
You go boy!!!

I will touch
I will go there
Always and never
Outloud
Inside
Shoes wet
Left at doorstep tonight
From rivers trapped in
Sometimes
Sometimes...

If my Feet
We're wet
Submerged
Insync
Without time itself

I'm having a minute
Waiting in line
Here in my own
******* life again

What better way
To capture
This moment
Of EXSIST!

Floating
Swimming
In my own mind
Downing my own head

I need to rewind!
I need to recreate
This moment
I say

Repeatedly
Repeatedly
Repeatedly

Already answered
This seldom
Lonesome thought

Lights off
Wake the **** up!
Cameras oN

Answer key: Acceptance and Begin Again...You Got This ;)

I usually get lost
In one particular
Body part of yours

Then my mind explodes
As if in an
Infinite flight

Out to sea
Space and time

Matter not even
When lost inside

Lips, kneecaps, lungs
Or swollen hearts

I touch each part
I let hand rest

Deep inside
I memorize

I smile!

Are you thinking of me
Power on
Strong
Intense
Can't do a **** thing
You're popping up everywhere
And I love to
Watch you there*%+)

You're everywhere
I stare
In the tunnel
I drift in
Seeing no ******* end.

You are my sorrow
for things I cannot speak
I love to see you express
your love for me

You are a token
I carry alone with me
sometimes too precious
to keep
let me turn you into a river
and have you
flow through me

I am going on a radical sabbatical
At least for a month
Time to collect
What I have learned
And knowledge to know
Where it is
I want to go

I'm hopeless
Looking over
The wishing well
Full of gold coins

I throw one in daily
Never knowing
What else craving
To summon for

You're always it

So on days
I'm lost
Short of fuse
I grab my bucket
And use

Now not realizing
The coins have flowed
Outside of brick walls
Unto my doorstep

I am hopeless
Forever now
Forever will be

Be the wild
Thats tangled up inside
Unafraid to wrap thorns around your
Very
Crinkled up soul

Now breathe in deeper
Than you've ever done
And exalt freewill until
There is no sun

Death suits
Flowers fall
Upon caskets of time
That held you
Once upon a time

Pendulum swings
This and that
Out of mind

Sweep
Sweep

Now underneath your feet
Are crystal vases
Discard them

Forget your place

Create
Create

I'm so much more than
This little gift that
Art and poetry call to me

There's this little droplet
That won't fall down
To overfill my bucket

It seems to take shape
In this creature that
All started it
Her name was Tina
And she was my therapist

I lost her
Due to my unwillgness
Transference
And mentally not being
Able to be assertive

Yet I feel I was not
Heard
And just not trusted

So I'm at a point now
Where I'm willing and
I feel I deserve this

Humility and sobriety
A big plus
When starting over

I just hope she trust us
(us meaning my DID system!)
We shall see

Cause I'm ready
To start a new
Beginning with or without it
And ask God to take control
Of it!

Your pale skin akinned to my darkness
We blended like silver moonlight
And drops of sunrays

I wish I could
Bring your eyes
Inside of mine.