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309 · Jan 2016
My....
My legs are burning

        for they are not around you

My lips are dry

        for they are not against yours

My ******* are aching

       for they are not in your hands  

My ears are ringing

      for they are not hearing your voice

My eyes are closed

   for they know you are not in front of me

My hands they tingle

      for they are not touching you

My mind stays numb

      for it is not sparring with yours

My body trembles

      *as it waits in anticipation of us again
#burn #ache #anticipation #need
308 · Oct 2015
So Tired
I am so tired today
Tired of it all
The lies, backstabbing, gossip,
letting another take your fall
I am so tired today
So tired of the pain
The heartaches,  loneliness,  and all the **** games
I am so tired today
Tired of the masquerades
the shyness, the hiding,  the truths that won't be said
I am so tired today
I just wish someone would give it to me straight
My thoughts from listening to my coworkers and patients.
304 · Nov 2015
Ghost III
It's three am, she just cannot sleep
Not anymore can her peace she keep
  
          the room, so cold

She is fine during the day
When the sun keeps all death away
At evenings twilight is when she feels

        the fragrance of his cologne is so strong

Everything around her reminds her, she cannot deal
His presence is stronger every night
She knows she can no longer fight

         she feels cold lips upon her cheek

She draws a bath, but not for pleasure
It is only now to help her in this final measure

a cold, chilling presence helps her grab the knife

The knife she wields glints off the tile stone                        
Soon she will, this knife hone

She slips out of her robe
Hurries into the water, for this bathroom has become cold

   "You're here waiting for me darling?" She asks aloud
            
She poises the knife on the underside of her wrist

       she feels a cold hand help her press

She presses hard, the blade slicing easily
embracing deaths kiss
She hopes that her soul can take the cost

    "Yes my love! Come to me for eternity!"

As her blood on the stone makes a crimson gloss
The world becomes dark, still

        so dark, but she is no longer cold

The stone floor has had its fill
She opens her ethereal eyes
It is not him by her side
      
         "Who are you?!"

He is not there,  her forever mate

         "I am now your lover Mon charie."    

Instead she stands next to her demon

          eyes now filled with terror

In front of Hell's gate

     *He has now claimed his eternal bride
Here is the last "chapter". I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
All three can stand alone, but together...
"Ghost", "Ghost II", "Ghost III"
303 · Dec 2016
Voiceless
Stories that never had a voice
Spoken in hushed tongue

                    we

Loves that are forgotten
Brought again back

                   we are

Laughter echoes
the halls of the mind

                       all

Turmoil and hate
Forever near

                   all we are

Tears sit
In the waiting room

                        left

Longing teeters
On the edge of lips

                      voiceless

The warmth of breath
Crystallizes in the air between

All we are left with
a voiceless

                  *symphony
#muse #ineed
302 · May 2016
Wept
My friend
My lifesaver
You are hurt tonight
The memory of what happened
Not far behind
You felt the tiny body
Struggle for last breath
You saw the tiny head
Crushed beneath your hands
You felt the tiny neck
Snapped in two
I am here my friend
I will hold you
Place onto my shoulders
The pain that you feel
Take comfort in my caress
Sleep so you can heal
I will cradle you in my arms
As a mother would their child
I will try my best to console
If only for a while
A simple thank you felt for you to give
My dear, no thank you necessary
That is why I am here
And in my arms I held you tight
and as the baby can no longer do
You shuddered and you wept
A horrible tragedy shook our tiny community last night. A dear pillar in our community and her 18 month old grandchild passed at the scene after being hit by a drunk driver while walking. My best friend was the first responder. This is for him. My love and prayers are with you Ronnie. May you find comfort in knowing that the child went to rest in a father's arms. God bless our first responders, they are our unsung heroes.
301 · Dec 2015
Sand
The sands of time slip through my fingers
Each granule distinct, no two the same  
A thought, a fleeting moment
An eyelash on the cheek softly caressed away
The laughter, the tears, the reality of fear
Passing through my hands as though I am a ghost, never really here
Softly they fall thru as though a gentle mist upon the dew kissed ground
All things are muted as I watch, deaf I am to sound
Individual they are, they do not hurt
Together they create a knife that stabs this continual beating heart    
The tears that come are as dry as the sand
I attempt to grasp them all with this ghost of a hand  
To keep them from creating the knife
The one that takes pleasure in my strife
My attempts are in vain
None can hold and destroy these granules of sand
The ones that slip through the fingers of my hand
300 · Dec 2015
Idle with the Devil
"Idle hands are the devil's workshop"
I implore upon you to help keep me busy
I am trying hard to rise back to His grace
Help me to once again show compassion and love
Keep my hands and mind busy so that I may once again be saintly
Even while I continue to be the *devil in your bed
299 · Mar 2016
Untitled (explicit)
Blindfold on
Hands *******
Feathery delights
Scalding touch
Deeper still
Up to the hilt
Hands on neck
Don't need to ask what's next
Breathless lungs
Come undone
Hand prints bare
Claimed what's there
Over again
So many times
No longer a sin
Galaxies collide
What a hell of a ride
#fantasy? #ride #collide
299 · Mar 2016
Anticipation
Itches to the core
Butterflies begin to soar
Pupils narrow seeking
Heart's beat racing
Lips dry and waiting
Mouth waters
                     anticipating
Nerve endings fire
A spark within desire
How you pray it stays a kindle
Oh this wonderful thing
*Anticipation
Ready or not, here we go....
298 · Jan 2016
Your Mask
I see it in your eyes
The ones behind your mask you try to hide
Your mask drops around me
Vulnerable and in your eyes I see
You are afraid, of what I don't know
When your mask drops, fear is what you show
Do not fear, especially not me
I will not tell your secrets, they are safe with me
Shhh....I won't tell
298 · Dec 2016
House of God
Chestnut hands splayed
Across the white of my skin
Lips igniting a fire
Within my soul
The priest speaks
As these thoughts bombard me
Unable to listen to the sermon
As the roar of memory
Crash against my mind
As waves upon a shore
With each time
the water kisses the lakeside
It takes a piece of it back
as do you
Even while in the house of God
Memories consume every inch of my mind.
#muse
297 · Nov 2015
Untitled VIII
It is now night and I try to fall asleep
Though the days events unfold
My mind will not quit, there is no peace

The day has now played through in my mind
But no, that's not enough
Let's just see if I truly am that tough
My mind picks apart all that was said
From sun up to sundown
My heart, it hangs onto every word
Each syllable, each verse, each sound

It remembers how each one came across your lips
Looking in between the lines of all your quips
I try and tell my heart that it's foolish to look
That you're as easy to read as a children's book

My heart cannot accept that
It wants more
My mind agrees, let's see what's in store
I tell them no, we can't, not yet
*Just leave it with your shoes at the door
One day it will have a title.
One day I will not have to....
297 · Nov 2016
He Wants Me?
He wants me
he wants me not
He needs me
leaves me to rot
One moment it's on
the next it's not
An open book man
no simple thought
He shows himself fully
a web of shadows he's caught
My heart he holds
i fear will let drop
He wants me
*he wants me not
Not truly knowing is the worst torcher..
297 · Mar 2016
Time Change
The sun wakes up later
The moon she's groggy in the night sky
The circadian rhythm off kilter
This time change can kiss my knickers.
Second **** day in a row I didn't wake up on time. My internal clock is off...
#time #change #kiss #knickers
297 · Dec 2015
Signals
Signals everywhere
Left turn here
Right turn there  
Wrong way
U turn not permitted
Green light go
Yellow slow
Red, stop  
STOP....
Signals everywhere
Everywhere but my mind, my heart
It does not show
Green light go
Yellow slow
And it definitely does not show
S
T
O
**P
296 · Jun 2016
Daddy
What happened daddy
Where did you go
We had a rough start
You liked the drugs and alcohol more

Then you grew up
And so did I
I wouldn't speak to you
No, not for a long time

Then I was pushed
Call and talk
That's when I realized
I missed you all those years
I needed that rock

But you weren't a rock yet
Pebbles of sand
Finally glued together
To make you a father man

We grew to know eachother
After all those years
I miss you now daddy
Your voice and wisdom you bestowed
I want to break daddy
But I know
*In heaven, there are no tears
This is not your typical Father's Day poem. Anyone who knows me knows my father's and mine relationship was nearly non-existent. 8 years before his passing we finally reconnected fully. I miss you daddy. I love you. I pray you have escaped purgatory and are in the arms of God.
296 · Jan 2017
Dancing the Universe
She used to dance so high
The stars her playground
Then became tethered to the earth
The moon now comes to her
Kissing her softly each night
With stars as his tears
295 · Jan 2016
Broken
You cannot hurt me
Let me tell you why  

                                             u
You cannot make my    s     n     rest  


If my sun does never    r      e  
                                            i­  s


You cannot force me into darkness    


                        a                   m
When the    t     r   and    o  
                    s        s             o
                                               n    

are my lovers


You cannot     b   e   k                  
                            r     a

something  
            
When it is already     bro k
                                                  e
           ­                                           n
#Broken #night #sun #canthurtme
292 · Aug 2015
The Eye
A maelstrom of emotions riot within
But at this time I find my self in the eye of the hurricane.
Peace, freeing, content...
But I know it's not long before I'm attacked again by the unforgiving emotions of fear, anxiety, painful unrequited love.
The eye only stays for so long.
These turmoil of emotions sitting on the precipice
Waiting, watching, becoming antsy to assail me once more.
290 · Aug 2016
Hell Hath No Fury
They are mine!
I refuse to roll over
No, not this time

I have tried to play fair
Agreeing to your condescending ways
Now you have provoked mother bear

You do not deserve them for all time
You leach their positive energy
Their souls you refuse let shine

Refuse to let God into your house
You taunt them of their belief
As a cat to a mouse

I now carry the rage of God
I will split your temple
As when they killed his only son

Hell hath no fury as a woman's scorn
I have God on my side
Threaten me with my natural born

You will rhue the day you set this forth
Try and take them I dare you
You will end up six foot under earth
Nobody threatens to take my babies!
289 · Mar 2016
Him
Him
he speaks of love as only a poet can
one who has had
 his heaRt
ripped out and placed back
in hIs hands,
how i long to
hold him tiGht
to show him that
it will be juSt fine
but no i must not, cannot
i must stay in this so called friend spot
hopefully one day though he will see
that i've been trying to put his heart back, along with mine
where it needs to be
muse..
289 · Mar 2016
The Dark Side Red
Pregnant clouds darken the sky
Winter gives one last sigh
Nor'easter blows strong
Through the city it's goodbye song

Into the storm she goes
Down the walk water flows
Deftly on the cobblestones she steps
Leaving where she never should have been

Ladies and gents in uniform black
Scurrying about to find shelter from the wet
To their respected office these drones
In black suits and umbrellas they hone

Upon umbrellas of black
The rain plays their song
Pitter pat-a-tat tat
She herself hums along

An enigma in the mass
She adorns red from the rest
As the blood that had pooled at her feet
Red as the ones of whom she left to bleed

Upon this dreary rainy morn
She does not in humanity conform
Standing red amongst the black
Red as the ones of whom she has broken and left
289 · Jul 2015
The Balm
All love is splayed open in the night Splayed open to reveal it's true intent
It's ****** fire dripping like acid upon the stone
It's tears are rivers down her beautifully distraught face
She has found her love painful when he is not near
But when he holds her it is  a healing balm.
Her love is splayed open on this night of pain
But he has come to sooth the pain.
288 · Oct 2015
Bar
Bar
Weathered hands hold a beer
Speaking of times gone by
Younger hands and voice, sing along with the band
Merle Haggerd is being covered
"The Bottle Let Me Down"
A couple in a corner, with love all around
Another couple sitting opposite eachother
No words to be found
The bar keep keeping everyone happy
Such an incredible feat
The drinks flowing
As easily as the conversations
Young and old on the dance floor meet
Dancing in drunken rythym to the beat
Ahh the wonders the bar beholds
Some are young
Some are old
287 · Nov 2015
House of Cards
How we live in this house of cards
Everything here is fragile
Everything here we guard
We line them up
These cards we play
Stack them meticulously
Careful to not make a disarray
A sudden whisper of wind though
Is all it takes  
A sudden goodbye softly laid
This house of cards
f
   a
      l
        l
          s
They all......
fall.........

*down
287 · Oct 2015
Believe
Here's the deal
I don't know if love is real
I believe lust reigns true
I believe in a life of me and you
I believe in partnership
Someone you can share your hardships
Not only those that can be shared
Also someone to hold you, showing they care
I believe in late night talks
I believe in darkest secrets unlocked
So see, I do not believe that love is real
I just believe what I feel
If that's love, so be it
287 · May 2016
Yeah, That's It
Emotions flying everywhere
A storm inside
Threatening to destroy all you hold dear

Tears threaten to fall from grace
First time you've seen him since that day
How beautiful it is that he is alive
After his chest you broke, but brought back to life

Tongue is pock marked with scars
Biting as you do
Not sent to ears
Words sent instead to the stars

Eyes wanting the glasses
Rose in color of course
Who wants to see anything but
Instead forced to see the masses

Ears hearing every word
Begging for deafness
From the cries of pain and joy
Instead all is heard

Mind attempting to make sense
The senses seem to be too much
Overcoming all rational thought
You scream inside, too intense

Heart beating out the seconds
Needs to be slowing
Beating faster against will
Peace is for what it beckons
286 · Mar 2016
Sin
Sin
Sin is just a string which we are all on
the more sin we commit
The stronger the string becomes
The stronger it is, the harder to break

When we are born
We have one string on us
As we become older
More strings appear

Pretty soon we become Satan's marionette
His own little soldier
Even though we reach this point at least once in our lives
We can always turn back to the Lord, Jesus Christ

Though the strings may be hard to break
Through the power of the Lord
We will overcome.
Ok, please be kind.  I wrote this one about 19 years ago. Hard to believe I still have my old high school works.  I have not tweaked it any. This is it in its raw form. It was published in a poetry journal. Again, please be kind.
286 · Oct 2015
Be Still
Be still my heart.
You are not allowed to go there
Be still my heart
For yours will not be fare
Be still my heart
It's all a lie
Be still my heart
I see it in your eyes
Fore tomorrow I cannot die
Be still my heart
It cannot be a lie
I will say again
Be still my heart
For it may this time be him
Another offer of thanks to Thomas Esparza.  He has helped my mind to finish what I could not.
283 · Nov 2015
Untitled VII
The toll of the bell heralds in the time
1....
  2....
    3....
It's still dark out
I guess it's three am
The bell chimes again
1....
   2....
     3....
         4....
Another hour passed
I'm still awake
Pondering
Waiting
Anticipating
All for him..            
1....
  2....
    3....
      4....
         5....
Another sleepless night
over obsessed unrequitedness.
281 · Apr 2017
Mind's Eye
I want to read you
My poetry tonight
So tell me what it will be
Tell me what your mind's eye
Wants to see
Would you like something
Scary and dark
Or maybe one
That'll give you suicidal thoughts
How about something
Happy and carefree
Like children laughing
Playing tag and yelling
you can't catch me
Or how about
Carefree and bright
Inspirational
Make you ponder this so called life
Maybe one
Of unrequited love
Or one that'll make you swoon
Think past the gentle hug
So tell me your poison
I'd love to hear
Cause I want to read you
My poetry tonight
Have you feel my years
281 · Feb 2016
Dear Cupid
Dear Cupid,

I ask that you please go away today. You see, my heart doesn't want to play. The games you like to throw at us all. My love is always given but never returned in these games where I fall. You have yet to do me right. I've never had a happy Valentine's so why should it be different tonight? So go away I implore of you. Find someone else to shoot your arrow through. Yes I know you have given me a lover. That's fine.  But cupid, I can find those ten pennies on the dime. Your arrow it nicked me and now I'm mad. For a lover is all he wants to be. Now you've gone and done it. **** your arrow that has nicked me.

Forever loathing you cupid,
Me
Happy Valentine's everyone!!!
280 · Jul 2015
Ruin
He ruined her by not professing his love. Though his actions seemed to speak volumes, it was words she  needed to hear.
So she  heartbrokenly  walked away having never trusted a love since, just resigned herself to only words.
Wanting and needing that love again.
280 · Apr 2018
My State in Flames
279 · May 2016
It's Over
It is over
It is done
Goodbye to all of our fun
Goodbye to riding it to the line
You jumped ship before we could truly try
So may darkness keep you inside her breast
May light never reach inside your chest
I hope all lovers stale in my wake
I hope at night you see only my face
Let the memory of me consume
Every last inch of you
Let every new woman feel
Wasted and decrepit against your steel
May you never reach new heights
**May darkness keep you even in light
Speaks for itself...
279 · May 2016
My Mother
I've seen your tears
When you thought I wasn't looking
I heard the "I love you's"
When you said be careful
I felt your strength
When you thought you were weak
When you held me
I felt your pain
When I disappointed
I saw your sacrifices
When you tried to hide them
I felt your love
When you whispered goodnight
Now it is my turn
I hope you don't mind
I will hide the pain and sacrifices
I hope from your eyes
I want you to hear the "I love you's"
When I say goodbye
I want you to feel joy
When you look into my eyes
I want to make your last days here
Ones you don't regret
I want you to feel my love
The same as the day we met
Mother you are strong
You are my safe place
Mother you are mine
No one will take that away
You are my best friend
My forever secret keeper
No matter how old I am
You will be my mother forever
Happy Mother's Day!
279 · Jan 2016
Poem 12 (haiku)
Moonlight bathes the land
  Chandelier picturesque scene
Softly dance off ice
My view this late night/early morn
278 · Dec 2015
T-Shirt
I was going to put it up today
Fold it nicely, place it in a drawer under my old clothes. Or,  just cut it up and watch it burn in my fireplace
Both thoughts made me want to cry
So I didn't
I didn't burn it, I didn't hide it
Hide it from myself to find months or years later,, just to pull it out and remember and let the sadness wash thru me again
I instead put it on
Your scent, it lingers still  
I wonder if it would still linger months, years later
Even after washing it for so long
I was going to put it up today
Never to be seen except by chance
Instead I decided that I would wear it
Wish upon it again and again.....
This is an old one of mine, back from high school. Came across it today. I still own that shirt, the scent is gone.....
278 · Feb 2016
Flame
Back burner?
No babe, I'm more than that
I'm the flame in your chest
The spark in your eyes
*I'm the bonfire that will ignite your soul
#backburner #no
278 · Oct 2016
A Wish
A falling star
Seen in the nights sky
Blazing bright to dim
a wish  was made
My heart is gone
He reached in
Removed it
a wish was made
Tears come out as blood
Crystalizing into snow
The first taste upon my tongue
a wish was made
A book read too many times
The ending never changed
Thrown into the fire
a wish was made
Looking into the abyss
His eyes so dark
My soul sighs
*a wish became
I WISH, I Wish, i wish....
277 · Apr 2016
Country Song
Woke up alone in my bed
My kids at their dad's
I wonder what stories he put in their heads

Worked ******
Everyone was being an igit
I sometimes wonder if it's even worth it

Got paid today
Gone in a flash
Bills mounting up I have no cash

Picked up the kids from their dad's
He decided to fight
Called me a *****, man what a drag

After some movies the kids fell asleep
Alone now with my thoughts
Yeah, and my idiot dog just left me...
True story...
274 · Jan 2016
Love
"M'lady" he calls after her
"Dost thou not love thee"?
"Aye, my kind and gentle sir, but 'love' shall not part from mine lips for you. Love is just a word. One that is used far too great. One that is better shown and not said".
"Then what dost I to do my fair maid"?
"That is the question you must answer thy self."
271 · Sep 2015
*One Day*
May the moon soothe your lips where the sun has scorched them.
May the stars forever sing your lullaby
270 · Nov 2015
How Dare You!
How dare you!
Co-parenting my ***!
I thought we could be amicable
Thought maybe our friendship would last.
How dare you!
If I could,  I'd tear off your member
Shove it down your throat
Set you on fire
sit back and gloat
Do not dare to cross me again
You haven't seen crazy
Oh no, you have yet to see me sin
Oh he's ****** me off now!
#exhusband #******* #divorcewithkids
270 · May 2016
It Happened, It Is Done
Lust swirls off us
as fog over the lake
passion ignites with chaste kiss
clothes burn away
the heat of us an inferno
unable to cool it down
no want to turn to ice
only need of the flames
licking our bodies
scorching our minds
there is no pain
only pleasure is felt
this our private play
here where rage and lust
intermingle, one in the same
bodies broken, bruised
uncaring, ready for more
handprints seared
upon the body and mind
words spoken under the cover of the stars
shown to stand true
under the burning of the sun
no longer are we
two thieves in the night
the edifice we created
crumbled before us
showing all who we are
No need for questions....it has been affirmed.
#inferno #exclusive #finally
269 · Mar 2016
Thrice
Lead me into temptation
Keep me not from the elation
Deny me tonight once again
Keeping us both from our favorite sin

Deny me once
I shall forgive
Deny me twice
My will starts to bend
Deny me thrice
my soul becomes ice

Engage me soon
Forever my angels sing your tune
their song is deafening
My will is breaking

Return to me my favorite sin
Hold me close once again
Thaw this soul of ice
*Ask for penance of denying thrice
Deny us no more...
268 · Feb 2016
Monster
Ten years asleep
Awoken from the coma
Bleary-eyed seeking
Hungry, thirsty
Weak from not feeding
A morsel here
A drop of nectar there
Stronger now fighting
Unlocked you did
Insatiable appetite
Unprepared I fear you are
The monster now set free
Uh oh, what have you done??
#*** #hunger #lust #monster
268 · Feb 2016
Of Whom Are You?
"Who are you?
Where have you gone?"

"Whom of do you speak?"

"Her, that one."

"Oh, I have killed her
Set her soul free
She was too kind, too weak
Her once repressed soul
Now resides in me"


"Do you not like what you now see?"

"No, I want her back with me"

*"Too bad. She's gone
You never from her should have run
She gave herself to me then"
Let's go down the rabbit hole. The Cheshire Cat has killed her, set her new self free. Be wary of whom you turn from. They will never the same be.....
267 · Nov 2015
Ravaged
Like a thief in the night
He ravaged her body, took her to new heights
With each moan that ensued
His monster that was caged was let out, let loose
He took her claim after claim
Triumphing over her demons, casting them away  
How she longs for goodbye not be bade
As she looks at the demons cast aside from the bed where they laid
267 · Jan 2016
Battle Lost
Everyday I choose my battles to fight
From the most mundane, like dishes or to sitting to write
To fighting my children for 30 minutes  
Or letting them have an additional 30 minutes of sleep
To go left or right, work or back home
Letting my demons out to play, or fighting hard to keep them at bay
To letting my thoughts be consumed with you
Or..............or..............
what was I saying again?
Don't you just hate when that happens.
#battle #write #consuming #muse
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