when you love
the heart takes a silent vow
the mind brakes the covenant
the heart shatters
swim in disbelieve and regret
struggling t breath inderstanding
in the end darkness knows misery , pain and suffering
time does not heal
it binds the pieces into shape
the brokenness remains

Desperately I scroll through my phone book
In need of a friend to listen and care
constantly checking my screen
Is someone looking or thinking of me?
A beep to tell me I'm not alone
I'm not worthless
I'm so hungry for human approval that I disgust myself
I am ashamed of myself
I pray for heavenly mercy and pray
But my faith is lacking at best
But faith is the only one to answer my call

i have to forgive myself for choosing to love you
you got a taste of true love affection and support
you got scared and ran
not before beating me emotionally dead
sealing the deal with i am sorry lies
you played and used me perfect like a marionette
a star performance indeed
but in the end you will regret
it will be a regret that will eat you alive
you will never find someone better that me
good luck with the lesser woman that you chose over me

my life has never been a victory march
it is filled with broken promises
dead dreams and empty wishes
there is no movie soundtrack to break the silence
there is no add break to give space to heal and breath
only the growing list of things i will never experience never enjoy and never know
i live a forced isolation but surrounded by people
loneliness has never missed and appointment

i took a leap of faith
i crashed broke and got discarded like trash

faith is all i have left
it keeps me going
when i am so dead that tears won't flow

With every I love you
Your heart whispered soft promises
Respect, love, protection, friendship and commitment
Why am I collecting the pieces of my heart
So many little pieces
Some so small, lost forever
My saving grace, thought answered prayers
Tested it by faith so many times
So afraid to love
Needed to be sure
Oh God did the devil fool me
Did I unknowingly trust him
My saving grace
The devil with scorched wings and stolen halo
Once me
Me broken and discarded
Worth no more than dirt

This broken love denied house
Still stands
Enduring raging storms and maddening madness called life

what to do with my humiliation at the hands of the best phantom father i could have been cursed with
what to do with the raging anger in that grows with every thought in my soul
methodically you destroyed the love and respect mother patiently planted and watered in my heart
soon only a barren landscape will be left for your eyes to feast upon and denial will quench your throat
you lost your family long time back
to busy to realize and smell the coffee with burned toast
your house is ablaze dad

once i eagerly awaited the patter patter of your feet
a smile covered face in anticipation
my eyes rejoice
my heart race
blushing cheeks are lovingly embraced
to souls joined again
how naive i have been
your patter patter brings anxiety for fear of the wrath
the grows and brews under the service
exploding without any clear sign
the volcano erupts
the molting lava desecrates all living in its path
succeeding in annihilating the last of my love and affection
barren wasteland all that is left
my mind understands
my souls questions
my body remembers
my heart cannot believe, a wounded soldier in disbelieve of bleeding wounds and missing limbs
i have been here before with cold and broken hallelujah's
the show goes on there is no curtain call
falling on knees
arms on high
singing my broken hallelujah