behind every missile strike
a finger

The successful
Weight loss program:
Cook, simmer
Then eat
One lean poem
Per day.

Changed my mind new mind set
Only if you could forget the past
The future is happening pretty fast
Master your goals achieve your dream
In and out of your comfort zone grow for the best sometimes you feel at your worse
Stay positive beak the negative curse
You can't do it all take on what you can handle
Get out of the darkness see better in the light
Stop with struggle doubting yourself
Only you can get there don't look for it in others
If not today or the next the opportunity to make it happen will allow you to live it

Hahaha look at her rolls hanging over the top of her pants
I know she looks disgusting.
Sitting in the silence...just looking at myself I try to figure out
Am i ugly? How am I ugly? Why am I ugly? Am I dumb? How am I dumb? How do I look disgusting? What makes me look disgusting? Am I disgusting?
I try so hard to answer these questions but the only reason that I can come up with is because you said so... Not because I'm genetically formed with such deformities. Not because I suffered a horrendous accident. Not even because that's how I feel.
The violent words tear at my skin like nails ridding of a great itch
Your opinions eat at my emotions like a hungry shark feeding on fresh prey
Are they opinions or are they facts. Are they meant to hurt me or to help me.
Its all so vague...unclear if you will nothing makes sense
In other words I'm imperfect
I'm imperfect in your eyes as well as others
And you may be right
But if I may I'd like to voice my opinion
I've nearly racked my brain
Trying to come up with answers to all of my many questions
And the only answer that I seem to come to come up with
Is that I'm like this because this this is how you see me
You see me as a disgusting fat slob...
But why is the million dollar question
Why do you see me like that
Is it because its true
Or is it because that's how you see yourself...
Is it because you see yourself as a pig but because you wanna fit in you blame it on the next vulnerable victim
You try and lower my self-esteem to raise yours
Only thinking of yourself
Never once thinking that I am a reflection of you
That just because I'm ugly on the outside means I'm ugly on the inside
But honestly I'm not
I'm actually beautiful inside
Come on take a look
It'll only take a second

Salvation means different things to many people
Reared by a single mother
Abandoned by a deadbeat absentee dad
I am confused and angry
Now am I supposed to feel them
I have no mentors
Or anyone in my life
That cares enough to teach me
How to be a woman
My life didn't come equipped
With an automatic pilot
For a successful life

What I had growing up was
Religion
Not beliefs but principles
1Kings
2Kings
James
Ecclesiastics
From Genesis to Revelation
To the 1 and 2 Chronicles
Corinthians, Peter, John
From sunrise service
To afternoon fellowship
To young to realize
That mother's salvation
Isn't mine

Sitting in church
8 hours each Sunday
Praising the Lord
At the top of my lungs
To the top of my voice
Being baptized at the age of 5
Well before I even understood why
Didn't make me a saint
No amount of bible study
Ushering or participation in church
Could save me
Or the congregation
From sin and all evil

The chasing of the wind
Repentance
What was the point in asking
Seeking and praying
For forgiveness
Yet not changing ones ways
Or taking on bad habits
That were sinful
There was no point
Everything is meaningless

Another dimension
Filled with black
Black walls
Black bars
Black boys and girls
Black cars sitting on the corner
Waiting for their helpless victim
To exit the black drugstore
Black guns
Being held by the hands
Of a black kid
Aiming the barrel
At his innocent black victim

Another dimension
Filled with white
White clouds
White walls
White boys and girls
White women gathering
At the front of the beauty parlor
White men reading their newspaper
While getting their shoes polished
White children playing on the playground
Laughing and getting along

Another dimension
Filled with red
Red blood
Red stamps
Red fire
Red puddles
Created by the blood of an innocent person
Red fire in the black man's eyes
Bullets flying from his barrel
Red blood spewing from the hole
The hole that is now in the little boys head
A little boy on the porch playing
Playing with his action figures
For the first and last time
Red stamps on the file
The file that puts you in jail
Wait was the victim black
Oh well put him in a holding cell for a few hours until someone comes with bail.
Blood flowing from the superficial wound
The wound of an old man
The wound that was caused by a stray bullet
The fire in his eyes
The red of the stamp
The red of the blood that will never be cleaned
Was the victim white
Sentenced to life without parole

Another dimension
Where everything is grey
Grey smiles
Grey hands
Grey hearts
Black people
White people
Coming together as one
Black people
White people
Forming one race
Under the sun

What would you say
if I told you
that I found you rather attractive?

Would you look at me
laugh and say
of course
why wouldn't you

What would you say
if I said that you
light up my world

Would you laugh and say
that's nice kid
now run along

What would you say
if I said
I think of you day and night

would you say
that I'm a creep
and yell get away

what would you say
if I said
that you give me reason to smile

would you say
that's good to know
now who are you exactly

what would you say
if I said that
I wanna be with you

would you laugh
and say highly unlikely
and high-five the boys

what would you say
if I told you
that I think I'm in love with you

would you sigh and say
it'll never happen

What would you say?

Some may say I'm a nerd
Some may say I'm a geek
Some may say I'm ugly
Some may say I'm a freak
But no matter what they say
and it never fails
They never say I'm me

Some may say I'm loud
Some may say I'm shy
Some may say I'm ghetto
And to be honest
I won't deny

They only call it
like they see it
I am shy, loud, ghetto
a geek, a freak, a nerd
ugly and anything else
that is said

But only because
I constantly live
in the shadows of everyone else
I live my life trying to be
you, you, you, and you
never before trying to be me

I live my life
trying to please everyone
and honestly
It's taking all of my energy

I look over my poems
and it's clear to see
that some of these writes
are apparently just for me--
sometimes I think
words fly from my heart
explode from my brain
and then panic might start
as I re-read a post or two
that happened to be one of those
that so hurriedly flew
from my head to my fingers
on the keyboard to here
and I shudder and wonder
(did I make myself clear?)
but then some lovely soul
will come right along
and write a nice comment or two
and as I read that they "got" my write
relief comes flooding through
then again I allow my fingers to take flight...
hoping it will touch someone
like you...
am i the only one who has doubts sometimes? lol
much love to my amazing fellow poets
on this site!
i hope you guys like it butnot what it is but how it was ariten


#heart   #poems   #fingers   #fly   #panic   #flight   #writes   #explode