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  Jan 2018 alex
b
ive never been
to this part of town
before.

second thought
ive never even been
to this town
before.

then why
does it feel
so ******* familiar

why do i remember
getting drunk in
that bar
chipping my teeth on
that curb.

i think the parts of me
that don't like me
stay here.
calling out for skin.
im freezing out here.

i havent been
warm in so
long
  Jan 2018 alex
Ford Prefect
fifteen fountains
one man to do the job
gibberish, this is
but i don't want to stop
my hands become much too dangerous
when i stop
i could have been like him
locked up
fallen in
thank god, that didn't rhyme
i'd have to **** myself for that

i'm always afraid of killing myself
always always always afriad
scaredy cat
scaredy scaredy scaredy cat

taunting me?
ha
a new low every day
forever something new
fresh dark
fresh *****
fresh new to discover
about the innards of ME
careful!
it has sharp teeth
no petting zoo today


where do i go
where can i go
fifteen fountains deep
with this thing i lug
inside me
alex Jan 2018
i’m always a little worried
about a car crash
every night feels like the movies
like the perfect time
to crumple up and cross
and while the road is so dark
and your fingers dance away from the wheel
i wonder if my worries
will finally be put to rest
m. send another message why don’t you.
alex Jan 2018
all the doors swing so easily
i come out sadder
than i went in
it isn’t what’s in the frame
it’s what’s beyond it
that truly paints a picture
i can’t blame you for making it worse
when that’s all anyone ever did
for you
m. not sure why i ever expect anything that has never happened.
  Jan 2018 alex
a m a n d a
(please come to order)


i'm over here BAFFLED
by the righteous
surprise of women
and poorly portrayed
shock of the gents

over the downfall
of men.

have we all been
inhabiting the same
country | culture | school | work |church| family
?

stop being foolish

and stand before the judge.

you teach your children
nothing of
*** | gender | relationships

and then are surprised by the disfunction
and shame coming to light.

we don't educate our children
with facts
so they don't know how their bodies work
and don't understand
the nuance of relationships.

girls should act like ladies
and boys shouldn't cry.

girls, be quiet and never cause a fuss.

boys, grab the world by the *****, it's yours.

and now you gasp
in surprise at the results?
please.

you hide knowledge and
options from girls
then condemn their poverty
condemn their parenting
and now wonder
where it all went wrong?

teach them to never walk alone, anywhere, EVER.
hold your keys in-between your fingers
tear out eyeballs and other *****
if you must.

maybe none of the men know
we are taught this as children?
that our entire lives revolve around
keeping ourselves safe from men.
and it is ALL our responsibility.
no matter what happens or doesn't happen,
it is somehow always a woman's fault.

fed a false narrative of the stranger
when most of the time,
is the known man
that causes the most damage.
that flies lowest under
the radar.
that has power
and influence
and the ability to hide.

but don't provoke the poor boys.
under no circumstances allow
your body to be seen,
but also don't be too covered up
(because then how will you get a man?)
jesus, guys, get with it.

[don't be sensitive]
what's an *** slap here or there by an utter stranger?
what's the big deal when a dear friend
suddenly lunges at you and grabs your **** during a normal conversation?
what's a little verbal harassment, he's old, it was normal then?
a strange call into the office?
a hand up your skirt?
it's just boys being boys.

it's time to stop this.

it's time to stop feigning ignorance.

you are responsible for this.

full stop.

just like i am.

but my silence ends today.
and i will not contribute to
a society or culture
that devalues women
for the sake of the
male ego.

stop acting surprised by men
behaving without integrity.
by criminals
and predators.
and for ****'S SAKE

stop | electing | them
  Jan 2018 alex
a m a n d a
my beauty
has no ties to
the length
of my hair
or the
size of my waist.

and neither does yours.
alex Jan 2018
i am not enough of
what i need to be
and too much of
what i am
sometimes the ribbons just
cut me to pieces
i talk to myself and say
“god i just love you”
and i respond back sometimes
i’m just not sure what i say
the days hang low around my waist
you may catch a glimpse of me
sliding conversations in my pockets
i get home and drop them on my desk
rewind and review
i forget my umbrella a lot
and it’s not like i’m afraid of the rain
i’m afraid that i'll enjoy it so much
that i’ll pull fire alarms
just to start the sprinklers.
don't misunderstand, i'm not a sad person. it's just that people ask if me i'm okay before i even realize that i'm not. i'll burn my hand on the doorknob before i back away from the smoke.
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