Fiercely independent. That's what she was. Didn't let anyone see her cry. No emotion. Just a fake smile. Day in and day out. Living a lie through a life she created. The days become longer and the nights seemed endless. The air was just becoming too heavy. The depression weighing on her shoulders. Even then, she didn't let her walls down. As guarded as before, she masked her feelings. Going through the motions. Being vulnerable meant her secrets were no longer safe. No longer secrets that she held so dear. But honestly, what was the point anymore? What was the point of living? Nothing was worth it anymore. Nothing meant anything like before. She couldn't hold on much longer. It was too difficult.

I wish you could behind see my wall of pain. Behind the mask of hurt I hide away. See my heart. See how I feel. I wish you could understand. I wish you would listen. Just give me a chance. I promise you won't be disappointed. Listen to my heart. Listen to my thoughts. Every day I disguise the real me. The girl who's hurting. The girl who just wants to be loved. The girl who needs someone to hear her cry and rescue her. Just one person is all I need. But you'll never see this side of me. It's too painful. Too gruesome. Too scary. So I'll just continue to put on a show.   I'll let you control my strings like a puppet. I mean, aren't we all just actors anyways?

Alone and guarded. Ashamed and afraid. Hoping and praying one day she could break free. Free from the struggles. Free from the pain. Let go of the anger. Let go of the hurt. Over and over she tried to make it stop. All she wanted was for it to go away. Leave her alone. Set her free. But it kept her chained down. Relentlessly pursuing her every thought. Making her question. Making her believe. Just once, could they be silent? Just once could she see? The light that gave her hope was all she needed. But it too was fading. Under the voices. Under the noise. Her everything was shattered. Crumpled and gone. There was nothing left. No hope. No freedom. All she could do now was wait. Wait until they pulled her completely in. And forced her to drown in the voices. The voices in her head.

Vulnerable and closed off. Insecure and scared. Afraid of what could go wrong. So desperately crying out. Needing someone to notice. Needing someone to care. But yet she doesn't show it. She doesn't let people know her secret. Instead, she's the girl you'd never expect. Happy, smiling, carefree. All a show to hide the pain. Mask the real her. Day after day the pain is more real.  More intense. Screaming and threatening to come out. Explode and leave everyone to clean up the mess. But if you only knew. Behind the facade is a person. A person people should get to know. Loving and gentle. Passionate and caring. Wanting to experience and be alive. Feel alive. Wanting to spread her wings and soar. But she's weighed down.  Pushed back down by the conflict. So I guess you could say she's broken. Her wings can't fly. She's just waiting for someone to come fix her. Someone to be her saving grace.