I continuously feel guilty

because there's always someone to disappoint
always someone to look the other way

is this what it's like to be the bigger person?
is this what it means to agree to disagree?

these thoughts don't make sense

It's not all that it's cracked up to be

Sometimes I really do want you to change my mind, my way of thinking

I used to believe my poems needed an ending
But in life, things rarely end like a storybook

In Mid conversation or
They leave early
Another breath
And another laugh
The normal things

It's unclear where writing poems will get me,

But they have gotten me out of my mind, hardships, suffocating fears

And that's ok if that's all I get

But you never realize how much you want a minor inconvenience when your mind feels numb

how much you want to be embarrassed,
have sweat rolling down your chin
to get stung by a hornet and walk in the path of the storm

I want to be late for work,
stuck in traffic,
lost in space and time itself--
feel the heat and pressure of life digging it's expectations and riddles in your back

I want to lose my keys for the rest of eternity,
break down on the highway because maybe then my silently breaking heart won't feel so left out

This silence is dangerous

how much you want to feel both the intensity and dullness of emotion
-kaitlynmarieadiary

but what if I don't feeling like falling in love?

I'm tired.

I like your eyes right after you cry

crystal and repaired

Lost in the sounds of tomorrow

Some things are too good to be true
And others are just that good

when is it my moment
I won't be warned
I won't be dressed in my best
and that's what he'll like

Until you've been through thick and thin with someone-
Experienced storm after storm
But was there for the sunny days
Has never fully given up, has loved without looking back
I love you

I do

Because I wouldn't be so worried to lose you

Knowing he will try
Is much better than a lie

listen to the sound of meaning and tell me if it means anything to you- the glass stains with colors of blue and grey dripping down and landing on your best intentions. don't leave me for the wolves- take me with you.

don't leave me for the wolves
or tell me to hold onto my horses
or test my patience
make me walk the tightrope-
insist that time flies-
as I'm pushed to the edge by her wind

A whisper
An echoe
A hummingbirds hymn
All sound the same
When you're waiting for the answer

I've met people I didn't think were human
and I've broken the human in me trying to figure them out

You feel uninteresting
Unappealing
Want to get unstuck
You strive to be part of a larger entity
But you sit and watch

The most torture I would like for you to endure

is the memory of someone who adores you,
I hope i look beautiful in your visions,
and it hurts every inch of your heart
i hope it ties knots in your stomach
and you feel the burning singe of regret
and that it doesn't stop

my wish is for the night sky that one special night
colors your eyes
and the taste of my lips is what you crave

my wish is for you to love me
I wish it was the same

when you realize fully that what you can't control is no fault or imperfection you hold,
the most bountiful sense of relief you behold

the gloomy days aren't personal- but
the sunshine is

you stole a moment from me. Do you take good care of it? The seconds you wanted to be with me, what do you do with those memories?

It will take time for my mind and heart to heal~ in a month I've fallen off the pedestal. I miss you. I miss us.

You said you love me
what does loving me mean?
walking away
not staying
turning your back
fraying

today I strung along with my pink backpack and hat that didn't fit

I walked alone with the breeze and eyes that walked instead of feet

down to the place I always go, where I see people come in and out

of my view and nocturnal youth only knowing what they can see

I don't blame them for having more friends than me

for socializing and living

for that's who I am

and that's what I'm missing

but I stay tucked in my corner

in case the sky breaks

-

Underneath my glittery lids and cheeks,

I am still glittering

I'm left somewhere



where is to be determined

and my head surrenders

take my knife
that I so willingly abandon

take my armor
that I misuse;
never for protection

attempt layered on attempts
to steal my most prized possession..

but I may be standing in a battlefield
with my hands across my chest

It's not my life that is this see saw of emotional imbalance-
it's my day, maybe even tomorrow

but not forever

you've...

messed up.
yet again.

you cannot reverse time
so I hope you feel ashamed
the actions you've committed
the lies you've held to your grave

no sorry can solve
this heavenly burden

unless you fix
this problem
with your god given hands

be strong
be brave
you got yourself into this mess
find your way out

if you get lost
resort for some help

whoever said help was a sign of weakness
better get their ducks in a row
because I'll have you know
weakness is a sign of strength on your way
so never give up
never look back
never shed a tear
because there are people

**who got your back!

oh sorry
don't let the flames burn you
for all the ***** deeds you've done in your life
oops, not again
shouldn't of let the dragons out
they are hungry for flesh
come this way
here's where we'll lay you to rest
no food no air
nothing there
but the regrets you hold
the lies you've told
let me know if you need anything
and oh yeah
welcome to **Hell!

Venus fly trap of intrusive thoughts
a broken record of do or die
tangled up in fear and weighted down by the comfort of a blanket in the moment
if I leave my head even for a minute,
I risk delving into the deep end,
the drop off point

defeat the purpose
put it in a bottle and throw it in the sea,
and sometimes it's not a good idea to be too curious, after all,
you might find something out

when she learned how to sing
she forgot how to talk
and when she learned how to run
she forgot how to walk
so when she learned how to love
she had no foundation
so the walls kept caving

Where's my wiggle room?
the space in between my heart and yours

no place to escape
the tea kettle hisses and finds an exit path

the dominoes find their way with a little push of a hand ..

And with both hands clasped,
I can cut the ties too

A girl once pretended to be nice
she wrote it down to describe herself
yet the only people she talked to
were her friends

*A boy once pretended to like her
he told all his friends'
yet the only people he told
were his friends

have you ever welcomed danger and hurt and it infested inside of your open sores and migrated every month with a new crew of thoughts who didn't love you. allowed with open arms worries, you raised them with hope and aspiration that their future would be engaging and beautiful and as wonderful as every last wish of a newly wed's mother.

No, I haven't either.

I'm young
not younger than the sun
but young enough to know you don't have to grow old