Don’t assume today will be tomorrow
That the present is the past
Or that people can’t see you when you’re hiding

They see you when you’re hiding
Like the nails pierced so far through your wall,
They are hard to let go of and so hard to get back
Impossible creates a body and hovers over your every move

Acts like it can comfort you
Acts like it knows you

When in reality it doesn’t know you like comfort
Doesn’t know you stay between the walls of familiarity
And only talk to similarity

When you find escape
of stretched out fields
And rows of corn, long and reminiscent

Relaxation strikes and you feel good
It’s when the eyes are burning through your back
That you don’t like
It’s the wind’s harsh voice, when it nests in your stomach that you
Can’t take
The vibration of screaming and wrongdoing that keeps you up
The reason you move is the cloud of hope,
The bubble of hope that grows bigger and takes so little to burst

That only some still enjoy today
Blowing bubbles

Sometimes losing control is the most beautiful thing

And when the lights lose their shine and the moon doesn't act like itself

We are inclined to believe
That a whirlpool of emotion
Is just steam
Just bubbles rising and popping

we aren't together but we're not separated

You're still hanging on in the binding of my story

writing  and   it    feels     like      we're       spacing        apart

Until you've been through thick and thin with someone-
Experienced storm after storm
But was there for the sunny days
Has never fully given up, has loved without looking back
I love you

I do

Because I wouldn't be so worried to lose you

Do you ever not know what you're feeling

A gust of wind laying to rest any sin

But you're latching onto something

Something so real but something so unimaginable

You wanna understand but how far do you travel?

Do you rip your heart apart just to understand

Split your mind in half because you can't take it all in

Not today will I stand to fall back down. I’ll begin to swell my eyes into bodies of water that no one really knows what’s underneath. I won't reply to your text, because you do that to me. Leave me on read as if I’m a book from your childhood that you forgot even existed. You’re waiting. For a response I’m guessing. But I can’t respond. I just write because I can see what’s happening to me instead of just feeling it. I really really like you, this is the longest, first true relationship I’ve ever been in. This time I’ll leave you on read. You can have a dose of what the silent treatment is. Am I first on your priority list? I say this because I know you hang out with your guy friends and never have time for me. I can’t lie to myself because I want this relationship to be my final. I have to know what my heart feels and you say you have to clean up the mess you made. How big of a mess did you make?? And does it take you all day? I knew coming into this it hurts either way. But for god sakes I don’t want it to end this way. I’m not giving up, letting go of the rope of uncertainty. Because with what you’ve said it seems like you like me a lot. A lot a lot. I know there are things you have to do. Like, your dad’s home so I can’t come over. What were you planning? I love your kisses and intimate moments, but is that all you like about me? I’m upset and angry because it makes me feel better. That I can depend on myself more than anyone else. You work everyday and are completely unemployed from my life. I want to work on this, but I know you’ll never read this, as will anyone else. That’s not the point of writing this. I just wanted to, without words, tell him how I felt. Excuse after excuse, I’m starting to expect a “no.” But I can’t stat waiting-I have to keep going. We’re already treading on water and the age difference doesn’t help. My dad already doesn’t the relationship, and maybe he is too immature. He’s going to be a sophomore in high school and I just graduated high school. He still has a lot of memories to make.