my eyes light up like the star on top of a christmas tree
then the glimmer goes away
and blends back into the green of the tree
when I remember
you always walk past me

it seems like every effort fails
that no matter what brand of makeup I wear
I’ll always look like a whale

not in the fat sense
but in the I choke on my words and spit them out kind
that I’m made of rubber and every person who comes into my life
slides right off

My seat slowly shaped
Into a moving sphere
My legs slowly gave
To the lack of steer
Conscious of my eyes
And how my body lyes
Conscious of my demeanor
And how I traced my "i's"

I couldn't help but wonder
Does he try to hide his wandering eyes
Does he secretly wanna hear my name?
*Does he pick up on that these nerves are all part of a silly game?

Nights were called nights
Because they always had an ending of a fright
mysteries lingering around the old tree
tampered grounds only messed with when seen

what happens when we sleep
our eyelids pursed shut
trying to head off to a mystical hut

are we programmed to hide
From what lingers outside?

or is sleeping just a way to rejuvenate
Bend time

I recommend you journey
Find out for yourself
If what's outside is pleasurable
Or bound to head south

lonely nights never bothered me
because thoughts keep good company
I’d rather be homeless
than hopeless

an unsettled gap between my stomach and back
a nerving tone of voice
is what my dad has.

my dads insufficient ways to encourage church
included yelling, guilt tripping, and personal traps
is some of his pestering crap.

church is a lovely place of gathering
though if you believe
that's one thought bubble
I'd like to leave .

I stopped believing after he pestered me for years
his brainwashing cycles
needed a clean.

it's my life
particularly my dream

you can control my birth
what I eat
the rules of the family

but not my beliefs...