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 Jan 2014 kaitlyn
Louise Smith
I'm a failure

I got rejected from sixth form
I lost all of my friends
I'm single.

It's awful to think that my mum is ashamed of me
but I can feel it
she raised a weird kid with no friends
 Dec 2013 kaitlyn
Louise Smith
sorry
 Dec 2013 kaitlyn
Louise Smith
tomorrow I'll see you for the first time in weeks
you missed me
I missed you
but I won't feel the warmth or comfort radiate from you
like it used to
it's my fault
but I can't pretend to feel something when I don't

your aura will be an ugly colour
you won't be the same
you won't walk me home
hold me
touch me

the last time I saw you
we fought
you were a storm cloud of emotion
I was the moon,
inconsistent
glowing
and not all there.

don't tell me things won't change
they have changed
and there's nothing I can do.

I'm sorry.
 Dec 2013 kaitlyn
Louise Smith
when
 Dec 2013 kaitlyn
Louise Smith
when I first met you
you were skinny
with funny eyebrows
stupid hair
and a soft voice

when you were my boyfriend
you were muscular
with cute eyes
soft lips
and a warm body

when we broke up**
you were skinny
with crooked teeth
ridiculous hair
and an acne ridden face
 Dec 2013 kaitlyn
Louise Smith
.
 Dec 2013 kaitlyn
Louise Smith
.
I still crave your touch
your hands around my waist
your soft lips on my neck

I sought safety in your muscular arms

laying next to you was perfect
the way you held me
the way we played together

But I wore a mask around you
which I nearly took off
but I didn't want to scare you
with my ugly face or my ugly feelings
my fear of losing you was far greater than my desire to let you in
to my twisted confusing ******-up head

listen to young and beautiful //lana del rey when you read this
 Dec 2013 kaitlyn
Louise Smith
new year, new me**
why should people be shunned for using this phrase?
it's okay to want to better yourself
if you fail
try again
there's nothing wrong with wanting a fresh start
sometimes we all need one

listen to a change is gonna come //sam cooke when you read this
 Dec 2013 kaitlyn
Louise Smith
I remember when I met you
you were different to all of her other many boyfriends
we could talk about the things I liked
you liked them too.

Months after you and her had finished your chapter in life
you stepped into mine
you dazzled dizzied bewildered me
showed me that it was alright to like the things I did

You wrote poems
you made me feel special
I thought that you liked me
the way I liked you

Then you left for what seemed a thousand years
the night I found out about your new girl I didn't cry
I remained content until an excessive amount of alcohol brought out all the feelings
the words spewed out of me
the same way the varied assortments of drink would do later that night

We still spoke on occasion
we shared an embrace or two when we accidentally met in the street
I was still crazy about you
even though I was aware that you were crazy about her

You ignore me now
we don't talk
you cast me aside
like everybody else did

I think of you a lot lately
but not in the way I used to
If I ever had the pleasure of speaking with you again
I would remain silent
I have nothing to say to you

The only things I have are the memories of you
the arguments
the embraces
the exams

It's all over now.

I understand that everything I thought we had was all in my imagination
when you said you loved me you didn't mean it in the way I did
but I can't be with anybody else because I feel as if it should be you
I'd like to say you ruined me but you didn't
I've ruined myself
I'm so used to being in a state of heart break that I will put myself back there in order to feel comfortable

I want to forget you
in the same way that you've forgotten me
thrown me away
left me

I hope you never find out how much I cared for you
because it's embarrassing for me
I can't believe I ever felt that way about anybody
I let somebody through the hard exterior that I have
I pretend I have no emotion but you made me vulnerable
I let you in.
listen to asleep //the smiths when you read this
 Dec 2013 kaitlyn
Louise Smith
We've had a few brief encounters
the first one was nice but awkward
the rest I have been completely smitten

we're strangers
I don't even know your name
you don't know mine

you say I have a cute smile
I think you're absolutely gorgeous

I walk past your work every day
I don't look in though
I want you to think I don't care
I do.
listen to there is a light that never goes out //the smiths when you read this
 Dec 2013 kaitlyn
Sub Rosa
I'm in a silk black dress
and my taxi's painted white.

I'm not ready to go

I'll give my love another kiss
and I'll wait another night.
the distance has been growing longer
while my heart seems to grow so much fonder
of you and all those lovely things you do
making me hope to someday be
as unmistakably impeccable as you

and when you see me,
what do you look at?
the longing in my eyes or
the tension in my lips
and the way they yearn for yours.

and take me where you please,
tell me what to take a look at
raise my mind from the floorboards
to the way your innocence sits
reminding me of the purity of what i adore.

and some day will come
where our fingers meet the skin
of the other, under a shining sun
and our story will truly begin.

with touch, with eyes meeting the others'
never too much, not enough for another
but enough for us
to relish in
and trust

so my dear, i hope to see you soon
thinking of all the beauty i'd have to lose
if i were to forget about you.
 Dec 2013 kaitlyn
noneigh
I hate looking in the mirror && seeing these pimples.            
Touching my face feeling these wrinkles.                
Seeing all the black spots i have.                          All these marks making me sad.  


                              
The mirror is hurting me.                        
I'm finding it hard to believe what i see.                    
Trying to except the pain i carry.                              
&& except that God made me imperfectly.
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