I’m sorry.
It is me.
But it’s not.
It’s paranoia.
It’s fear.
But it’s mine.

I’m scared I’m doing too much.
Too little.
Trying too hard.
Not enough.
Not giving you space.
Giving too much.

So I’ll stop.
I’ll let you decide.
Maybe I won’t be paranoid.
I probably will.
But if you don’t want me around
I can disappear.

You are a star:
Shining bright in the darkness;

You are a star:
Your brilliance astounds me;

You are a star:
In this pitch-black room, you light me up;

You are a star:
*Out of my reach.

It's been a while since I had to write;
Words that may be lies; words that may be right;
It's been a while since I let it out,
Emotions not of joy and not of spite.

—

Look,
one day,
it’s all
going to happen
to you.

You’ll wake up one morning
and skin your knee
for the
very first time.

You’ll jump
into your best friend’s
pool
in the middle
of winter
just to feel the
cold.

You’ll fall asleep
drunk
in someone’s
backyard
on cheap *****
that sticks
to your fingers
like pancake syrup,
and burns
like the hell
you’ll feel
the first time
you realize
he doesn’t love you
back.

Your life
will be full
of
laughter
and
heartache
and
temper tantrums
from not getting your way
at 5
and age 25.

But baby girl,
if you’re lucky,
and since you’re
your mother’s daughter,
you will be,
your life will be bursting
at the seams
with all the stars
shores
and peanut butter cups
your little body
can hold.

Maybe you’ll
grow up
and save
the world.

Maybe
you’ll slam
your car door
when you leave
and break my
heart.

Or maybe you’ll be
like me,
awake at all hours
writing down words
for someone
who doesn’t yet
exist.

But no matter
which path
you choose,
know that
I’ll always
be at the end of it
waiting for you
with sweets
and bandaids
in hand.

"We'll figure it out."
"Please keep smiling; I like it that I make you happy."
The words that make flowers bloom, wounds heal, and passions on fire.

I Am Guilty Of All My Failures

I take the blame for all I’ve done;
Own up to all those failures mine;
Failures from:
Naivetể and laziness,
Unworldliness
An focus-less

Yet I’ve managed to fulfill
Some crude achievements,
Accomplishing on intuition:
Not a bad guide, nor a good one.
All sits in the readiness;
Instinct in the readiness,
Prowess in the readiness.

Even if there’d been instruction
I’d have had to wait it out
Until my twenties – eight or seven
When the background synthesized
Into a foreground wise.

Inborn, unshorn weaknesses
That held one back,
In untold ways,

I could say, “***** it!”
Or complete the work
To fight off other frailties;
Develop and maintain
A lively strain
Of concentrative energies,
So that my foibles will be few-er.
Mea culpa!  Mea culpa!
I say, “Do it!”

I Am Guilty Of All My Failures 3.27.2018 Circling Round Egos; Circling Round Energies; I Is Always You Is We;

Swirling,
in the cosmos of your love.
Swimming,
through the endless depths of your emotions.
I find eternity, here,
wrapped up in your arms.

I search for more,
and you're right here.
Every melted fear,
every forgotten sin,
every spilled tear,
comes rolling out.
No longer am I stuck in the past.
No longer am I filled with doubt.

I lose myself in you,
and you begin to lose yourself, too.
Dissapearing into the eons of our thoughts,
so tangled together,
so wrapped up in the idea,
of a true forever.

I feel like I'm falling,
and the darkness surrounds me,
and I find myself calling.
Calling out your name,
and searching for your touch.
All at once you appear.
Telling me "I am here."
You pick me up from my descent,
you feel as if you're heaven sent,
a cheribum just for me.

I gasp,
and I choke,
will I suffocate again?
"Never," you tell me,
and your presence fills my lungs.

The stars like in the distance,
other galaxies eons away,
but the sun drenched love of the heavens,
I find right here,
with you.

I try to wake up,
to realize it's all a dream.
Looking down,
I realize I'm still holding you,
and you're the one sleeping.

And for a moment,
I know how forever feels,
I feel what love becomes,
and I remember lifetimes with you,
that we never really spent.

Finally I begin to ponder, and
I start to wonder if all of this is fate.
Some long-lost ancient prophecy fulfilled,
that you are my true soulmate.