Kaiden: Poems

94 · Jun 25

__

Kaiden Jun 25

__

So i closed my eyes,
Hoping to blur the image,
Yet it stayed untouched.
Why must my own brain betray me?
Or it it me that can't seem to let go?

it's been almost 8 months, i should be over this by now..

#breakup

94 · Apr 22

..

Kaiden Apr 22

..

my art is dead
and so am i

say whatever the ******* want but i can see my art dying.

93 · Jun 20

Your eyes

Kaiden Jun 20

Your eyes

I watched the light leave your eyes,
As you cancelled your plans once more,
A child that desperately tries,
Yet can't seem to just let go.

The same pattern i know all too well,
I see you turn into something i hated for years,
Because the look, that look can tell
The million words that no one hears.

again, i havent written in a long time but it doesnt matter anymore. my brother is turning into a **** copy of me, which is bad. he's literally a **** mess right now, and i wont be able to see him for **** knows how long because as soon as summer break starts i might be put in a mental hospital because of things i won't say on here. i have no idea how to help him, he lives too far away and if nothing changes, the next time i'll see him will be in august, on my birthday (if my mother lets him). i highly doubt i'll be alive by then. i might forget him, but tf am i supposed to do then? like okay, i'll kms, whatever, but what about him? i honestly feel like it's better if i just die instead of letting him watch my mental health get worse, cuz he knows it'll happen to him eventually. he's not stupid. im trying to help him but i really can't, he doesnt let anyone help him. i dont even know if he's alive now, but i hope he is. i know im rambling about random **** now but if you have any ideas, please dm me or something, i'd take any advice atp

#brother #suicide #depression

92 · Jun 21

you.

Kaiden Jun 21

you.

i lost you
when i was only supposed to lose myself.
to become the few words
unseen by the world

tbh the fact that i might kms soon and the only part of me that will stay here will be my poetry, sounds kinda cool ****

#suicide

90 · Feb 10

Truth

Kaiden Feb 10

Truth

It hurts
While forcing you
To accept itself

Idk im bored

#truth

89 · Jun 17

Lost

Kaiden Jun 17

Lost

Lost in a world i knew so well,
Locked myself up in my own hell,
Losing friends,
Hoping that it finally ends,
And sets me free from my own prison.

False beliefs,
Trying to find relief from the grief
Of an alive person,
A brother, a son,
He's still here,
But i believe he's gone.

i might take a break from writing (i know i keep saying this, i'm sorry) because i quite literally went into psychosis and i can barely function, not even mentioning writing. btw yes, im getting help, it just doesn't really work tbh

#lost

88 · Apr 3

Poetic?

Kaiden Apr 3

Poetic?

"Quite poetic, isn't it?"

"Everything is poetic."

A real conversation i had with someone, and a sentence i say a lot. Technically, everything is poetic.

#poetic #poetry

82 · Feb 11

Different

Kaiden Feb 11

Different

The same
Yet so different
Same person
But they changed.
Who thought that one sentence
Can change so much

When you lose a friend (or more), they're technically still the same person but so different

82 · Jul 9

Cold water

Kaiden Jul 9

Cold water

When your hands are freezing, cold water seems warm,
A bit of kindness seems like a confession,
Trauma seems like normal life.
I really wish i could control the water's temperature myself.

dawg idk im bored💔

82 · Jun 6

Promises

Kaiden Jun 6

Promises

You make promises,
And never keep them.
Making a spontaneous decision to form a bond
Of the promise you'll never keep.

The necklace you used as a proof
That you can keep a few words true,
Now laying in your drawer,
Becoming a simple memory.
The bracelet you still wear on your wrist,
Not having the heart to take it off,
While the promise was broken ages ago,
Leaving it a meaningless piece of material.

The notebooks with poems,
About random people, thoughts, feelings,
Untouched for years,
The letters you knew he'd never recieve.

And the shiny blade,
Slowly being decorated by rust,
Yet you still use it.
You don't know why,
You don't know what it gives you,
But you made a promise.

this one is long af, kinda a vent thing i guess? idk bro i dont care at this point

#promise #suicide

82 · May 29

The blade

Kaiden May 29

The blade

In a box, in the last drawer,
A blade lies.
Feeding off the quiet cries,
Not quitting, even though it tries.

Having an idiot to please,
Because SOMEONE is upset,
Cutting off the bad emotions,
Hatred, longing and regret.

So like... This one feels extremely unfinished BUT I WAS LIKE 12/13 WHEN I WROTE THIS... and i guess it's the pov of the blade once you use it

#selfharm #depression #suicide #blade

80 · May 29

Last rant for now

Kaiden May 29

Last rant for now

(again, if this gets taken down it's fine)

So.. Idk if this can be called a rant, im kinda just explaining some stuff. School is really too much rn, im failing literally everything. Then there's some personal stuff, but that's not important cuz that's just mental health stuff. I tried to stay for longer, but i genuinely can't anymore. Because of this, i will be taking a break for a while. I'm fine, really, i just need some time to think about stuff. I know no one cares, but idk it just felt rude to leave without an explanation. Anyway, I'll come back as soon as i can, I'm sorry.

Again, i know no one cares but whatever

76 · Apr 23

Update

Kaiden Apr 23

Update

Hi so this is a bit different from what i usually write but yeah.
Thank you so much to all of the people that were worried, i wouldn't be here without y'all (i'm serious, you guys were the reason i didn't go through with it). Basically i had a random breakdown from bottling stuff up and i was trying not to off myself, which ended like this. I'm somewhat fine now and i'll talk to my therapist and all that. Again, thank you all so much.

<3

76 · May 18

..

Kaiden May 18

..

Who should i be
When i am gone?
When i have lost,
And his words won.
When what comforted me
Brought me pain,
A rapid fall,
After a gain.
To repeat this over and over again.

sorry for not writing, ive been dissociating so bad for the past few days and it *****

75 · Apr 22

..

Kaiden Apr 22

..

click.
                                                                                      click.
                              scratch.
                                                         tear.
          scrunch.
                                                                        throw.


              i'm a ******* disappointment please help me.

..

75 · Jun 24

..

Kaiden Jun 24

..

Has your voice fallen silent,
Or is it my ears that no longer hear?
Did your words fade away,
Or is it my eyes that went blind?
Did the paper burn,
Or does my hand no longer know how to write?

Tell me,
Do these stupid words answer the question,
I yet have to look for?
The question,
I've been so afraid to ask,
Let alone find.

Is it my fault,
That you no longer exist in my world,
Or did the universe see you as a mistake on its own?
Is it my fault,
That i simply cannot hate you?

could be better, honestly, but at least i went back to writing (i deadass have no idea what to write about but as long as it sounds decent, i dont mind i guess.. i need someone to write about, but for that i will have to wait ****)

75 · May 29

Forget

Kaiden May 29

Forget

"I want to forget"
Stupid words said by a stupid child,
That deep down wanted to remember.

Now that I'm forgetting,
I try to put it into words,
So one day, when i forget,
They'll remember.

Let's be honest here, there's no "they". No one cares, no matter how much they pretend they do. This one is a draft from a month ago

#forget #remember #trauma

71 · Nov 2024

Writing block

Kaiden Nov 2024

Writing block

Every writer's nightmare
The feeling that makes you feel completely helpless,
Useless.
It's more than just losing motivation

The writing block hurts
You can't write a single word
Knowing you have to
So you just hope it passes
Feeling anxious with every second

And when it ends
The new one is already coming
It's an endless cycle

Not the best but i dont really know what to write, i might upload some of my older ones tho

71 · Apr 22

Erase myself

Kaiden Apr 22

Erase myself

I quietly erased myself
From your life
Dot by dot
Until the day came
When i disappeared
With nothing but a "sorry" and "i love you".

Today at 5:37am i texted 3 of my friends to not worry about me if something happened to me and that i love them, before logging out of discord. I can't bring myself to log in again. The "dot by dot" part mean me erasing one of the 8 dots i had in my bio each day. I knew no one would notice it, but wasted time on it anyway. I don't know what's going on with me anymore. Also, if you have time, please read the thing i wrote earlier, it would mean a lot.

64 · Jul 7

Lie to me

Kaiden Jul 7

Lie to me

Lie to me
And tell me you love me,
While both of us know
You don't.

idk i feel like my writing is getting so much worse but im too tired to care

62 · Jul 7

pathetic

Kaiden Jul 7

pathetic

is it pathetic,
that the only way i can deal with your words
is hurting myself?

an argument
that you'll forget about in 15 minutes,
leaves scars on my body
that will last forever.

apologies don't erase the damage, especially if it's physical, and i don't care if i sound like a **** rn but she should ******* understand that

58 · Jun 24

How dare they

Kaiden Jun 24

How dare they

I miss your soft voice,
I'm terrified of forgetting the sound of it,
Angel,
How dare they steal the only light i had?
The one that would comfort me when i was sad,
How dare they take away the only person
That truly cared?
The only voice, that when i was scared
Would take the demons,
And lock them away in himself.
How dare they,
Dim the only star in my sky,
And tell me i simply closed my eyes,
How dare they lie..

Tell me, will that star ever shine again?
Or will the spot on the sky be forever abandoned?

sorry if this one is bad, i haven't written normal stuff in a while

51 · Jun 25

No.

Kaiden Jun 25

No.

A word you didn't seem to understand,
You acted on your thoughts
You believed everyone shared.

You tried to justify it by feelings,
Pretending there was a need for

The things you've done,
The innocence you've stolen
From your own child.

You imagined the desire
A toddler could never feel,
And proudly shared it with your friends.
Bragging about how mature
Your "little girl" was.

How good it felt for you,
To wipe the tears with the very same hand
That hurt me.

How you loved the sound
Of useless pleas,
A body you created to use.

sorry if this is triggering but im honestly so ******* done with my father, he moved to the same city as me recently and i'd rather die than be alone with him again cuz i know **** well what would happen

#**** #sa #no #father #abuse #trauma

34 · Jul 10

Devil

Kaiden Jul 10

Devil

The devil cannot be defeated,
It simply shifts between the bodies of those,
That were foolish enough to give in to it

im so ******* done honestly

#devil

8 · Jun 21

pain

Kaiden Jun 21

pain

"you'll learn through pain" they said,
and so i did.
after years of them inflicting it on me,
i took the matter into my own hands.

i got addicted to something i hated so much,
the metallic taste,
the blades,
the touch.

the silver lines
all over my body,
the scars that'll stay there forever,
the sting after i clean the cuts,
(it feels like someone is taking care of me)

and the reason.
the reason i write this,
the reason i look for in my words,
yet can't seem to find

kinda feels like love, honestly

my writing is getting so much worse thoooo i wanna write at least one good thing before i die

#selfharm #depression #suicide

0 · Jun 28

Dead by tomorrow

Kaiden Jun 28

Dead by tomorrow

I lay in bed,
Knowing i'll be dead by tomorrow.
The air is cold as always,
Gently brushing against my blood-stained skin.

The regret slowly starts slipping into my mind,
Yet i lay there,
Unable to move.
I stare at my body,
Knowing i was the cause of my own death
(Or was i?)

I let someone in,
Now i leave this world by myself,
Over a few stupid decisions,
Interactions that should have never happened.
I'm sorry.

this doesnt make any sense but i hope the message is clear enough

#suicide

— The End —