A word you didn't seem to understand,
You acted on your thoughts
You believed everyone shared.

You tried to justify it by feelings,
Pretending there was a need for

The things you've done,
The innocence you've stolen
From your own child.

You imagined the desire
A toddler could never feel,
And proudly shared it with your friends.
Bragging about how mature
Your "little girl" was.

How good it felt for you,
To wipe the tears with the very same hand
That hurt me.

How you loved the sound
Of useless pleas,
A body you created to use.

A feeling
That over time turned into a word,
Being too far to reach.
Trying to reclaim it,
You get hurt,
Or hurt others,
For the tiniest feeling of power
That feels so wrong,
Yet so right.

Trying to regain control controls you.

A nonexistent construct
Believed by many,
And broken by few.

So i closed my eyes,
Hoping to blur the image,
Yet it stayed untouched.
Why must my own brain betray me?
Or it it me that can't seem to let go?

Has your voice fallen silent,
Or is it my ears that no longer hear?
Did your words fade away,
Or is it my eyes that went blind?
Did the paper burn,
Or does my hand no longer know how to write?

Tell me,
Do these stupid words answer the question,
I yet have to look for?
The question,
I've been so afraid to ask,
Let alone find.

Is it my fault,
That you no longer exist in my world,
Or did the universe see you as a mistake on its own?
Is it my fault,
That i simply cannot hate you?

As you float away,
Leaving years of your life behind,
Will you ever stop to think what it would be like
If that specific decision wasn't made?

As you take your final breath,
And look around the room,
Will you wonder about what else could happen to you?
About the life you could have had without him.

As you close your eyes
For one last time,
Will you forgive your child,
For trying to save you?
Or will you still love him after death?

I miss your soft voice,
I'm terrified of forgetting the sound of it,
Angel,
How dare they steal the only light i had?
The one that would comfort me when i was sad,
How dare they take away the only person
That truly cared?
The only voice, that when i was scared
Would take the demons,
And lock them away in himself.
How dare they,
Dim the only star in my sky,
And tell me i simply closed my eyes,
How dare they lie..

Tell me, will that star ever shine again?
Or will the spot on the sky be forever abandoned?