please forgive me and lead me
to the path to your door
let me see your face and see the light
and demonstrate to me your might
vanquish what is sore
within me, beholding ye

i walk along the backcountry road
watching the occasional land rover go by
and i wonder: where did it go wrong?
what mistake in navigating my way home
did i end up down this path, away from
the path i could see the end to

you are my lighthouse
guiding me home with your beam
i scurry towards its luminance like a mouse
and run my finger down your body, down your seam

i don’t know what i did wrong
but knowing me, it’s bound to be something
big, something that gives you a right to
cut me off

do you hate me for what i did?
that nameless, insignificant crime of such
significance

i still imagine what my life would be like
if you were still my friend
but now im burning in purgatory
the coolness biting me

you say that you’ll never be gay
or associate with anything queer
but i tell you
the atoms you’re surrounded by are gay
that sun you are feeling is queer
being gay is in the worlds nature
encrusted like diamonds on a coronet

and i say to him:
have you no shame, no hope
for what you will become?
day by day, you demean yourself
sure, you speak of wisdom and religion,
but you are vain and ignorant.

don’t you know a church window
is supposed to let the sun in?
its colours work together thus,
creating a collage of glory incarnate
where you, mockingly, say that
you are the window itself?

fool, turn around and see so
you know nothing, you are nothing
and continue down this path? you’ll return
to nothingness, a void, somewhere between
something and something else

god forgive me for
falling into temptations not of the devil
but of myself, my own musing:
forgive me for allowing myself to fall for him
forgive me for not trusting you

why was i so vain
to imagine a future with you?
you wanted to be a forensic scientist,
or an architect.
you wanted me to be a journalist,
say ‘i’d do well in it’
but truly all i want to do is
lay with you in a flat
we had to leave everything behind
to get to.

he speaks to me about the xylem
and the phloem, meaningless to me when
the only thing i want to do is listen
to him yap, and to gaze at his eyes
like it’s the sun, and i’m a plant

unadded, exiled from the kingdom
i think back to his enchanting features
and weep bitterly, proclaiming:
oh, woe is me, a person exiled from
the city walls which guards against barbarians

and will you still
spit on the ground i walk on
when i’m the only one instep with you?

when nobody is by your side,
due to your misdeeds and your past,
will you wonder why am i still there?

if i can see your malpractice,
ponder this,
why do i need to defend you?

‘i love young love’
i say to myself, only sixteen
years of age, the words like a loose glove
on myself, as my eyes water and i lean

on a cobblestone wall, each crack and dent
showing not what has happened,
but what will happen, my heart lent
freely to him, broken and saddened

i’ll probably get over him, i say,
echoing his words in my head
on the cobble floor where i lay,
blood trickling out the thread

love is alive and well
but it plays dead for me
what a cruel rosebush to sell
when an end to the tunnel i can’t see

how could this be? i hear you cry
and let me answer that for you.
love doesn’t care whether you cheat or lie,
it cares if your mirror doesn’t shatter into

a million pieces. a shattered icon of
human despair, and society as a whole
delicate, fragile even. but it cuts you off
like a blade of his brilliant earthy iris lulls

i know this isn’t healthy, so let
it be
known that i
shan’t,
can’t stop looking at your photo

into your       eyes

feeling a sense of regretfulness

feeling like a sailor lost at sea

i’m a              mess

      but im your mess
     unless                   you
     don’t                    want
this mess to be yours.

august approaches, and i’m
                     still hung up
about your stupidly pretty face

though i may want you
i don't want to hold your hand
backtrack any thoughts or words
written with you in mind
regret devoting so much
time and energy to study your features
or wondering whether you can end up
making the mistake of being with me

i load into the world, ready to
do as the title of the game says: mine and craft,
he joins. dread mixed with love ensues

time goes by, we level up,
wood to stone, stone to iron
making a plan for our little abode

with cows, sheep, and 2 cats,
just as i begin to fantasise,
he leaves the game

the chatbox rings out
Achievement get: DIAMONDS!
and it was all in vain

Lord, why have you forsaken me?
Leading me to love one i cannot,
left without a home or bed

Jubilant Lord, why have you made me woeful?
Judas I have embodied, selling out myself,
jade eyes reflecting blankly

Lover, may my heart not utter prayers to
lie with those who don’t want me,
but may I lay with you, O My God

there we sat on the sports hall floor
talking about everything and nothing.
silently stoking the flames of
my heart, with every glance and side eye,
like throwing a bone to a hungry dog

i know im not what you wanted,
and for that, im sorry.
but can’t you get it, i need you
more then i ever thought i would

need you, i need you
i need you to understand that
you can’t just run away from me,
and expect me to move on.

you may put up your walls,
and i don’t blame you,
but have you considered what the shadow
would do to me?

starve me out of your light,
burn me with its darkness.
cut me with your sword -
it’s better then those words.

that passion for gods house
which consumes me
scorches me like a walk-in freezer
cools me like a burning effigy

my passion for where his spirit lies
swallows me whole,
as if it is a whale and i am jonah

i will fight for his spirit’s sanctuary
by any means, valuing my life
over it

i will fight for who it lies in,
and who he is

May God overthrow myself - flipping over
tables in the den of sin which is my heart.

Let His word radiate in my heart, soul and might

Let He who is immovable
move my spirit
from arid land to meadows of clover

Let my Lover encompass my entire being
so I serve Him and
His people

Let my Father guide me and instruct me,
to raise me like a babbling child

and i won’t ever
step feet in copenhagen
again, never
shall my feet walk on
those cobble roads

i see your eyes in its water,
i see your hands in its branches
i feel your spirit in my heart
and all i can do is cry in

a vain attempt to get it out
to purge myself from the pain
that’s in the form of an angel