i saw him, my love, kissing him, my hate
then i woke up, filled with vile
and anger of the idea that
my greatest love goes to my greatest hate
instead of me

my brain bleeds for him
the thoughts of him stabbing my mind
creating cracks of light within the carefully
maintained façade

and i let it happen

my love for you, my friend
becomes incarnate like our lord
where he, doing miracles,
opens our hearts and quakes the foundation

my love for you, like his love
for us, opens my heart to your ethereal beauty
and quakes the very foundation of my self

i take thee, my friend, to be my will

you are my lighthouse
guiding me home with your beam
i scurry towards its luminance like a mouse
and run my finger down your body, down your seam

my record spins around the spindle
it’s rose-shaded hue seen through the dustcover
it plays a symphony of birdcalls and beatles songs
i try to give it away a dozen times but
no one takes it

why does everyone claim to want a record
then they don’t take mine, one in perfect condition
only if you don’t look at the scratches

i don’t know what i did wrong
but knowing me, it’s bound to be something
big, something that gives you a right to
cut me off

do you hate me for what i did?
that nameless, insignificant crime of such
significance

i still imagine what my life would be like
if you were still my friend
but now im burning in purgatory
the coolness biting me

i guess i’m a hopeless romantic.
want to buy petty little things
to see a crack in his pretty smile

want to pick buttercups for him
so i can see the glow on his face
yellow, radiant, much like him

on a summers night drinking
cheap beer and kissing him
knowing his taste over *****

in his bed listening to his
billy joel and nirvana cds
not noticing them playing but

his green eyes piercing my soul
as he side eyes me and smirks
laying in my arms warm embrace