it takes me captive, imprisoning me
in shackles i can’t shrug off

can’t feel my grief
can’t ******* rage
can’t grasp happiness
can’t see anything except
nothingness

it swallows my feelings whole,
absorbing my humanity
absorbing my soul
into something familiarly unrecognisable

i dream of
running my hands through
his black curls
but his heart is obsidian
and i am an iron pickaxe

please forgive me and lead me
to the path to your door
let me see your face and see the light
and demonstrate to me your might
vanquish what is sore
within me, beholding ye

now, he said he wanted another
said ‘sorry’ like it was a plaster
meant to coverup the hole in my heart
the blood overruns my chambers
my valves are clogged up
my ducts remain open and constantly run
warm water down my face

what did i expect?
for him to not like me, sure,
but nothing could prepare me for the
emptiness of the void of nothingness

i walk along the backcountry road
watching the occasional land rover go by
and i wonder: where did it go wrong?
what mistake in navigating my way home
did i end up down this path, away from
the path i could see the end to

though i may want you
i don't want to hold your hand
backtrack any thoughts or words
written with you in mind
regret devoting so much
time and energy to study your features
or wondering whether you can end up
making the mistake of being with me

a slurry of fire and magma can’t escape
through the crust, being stopped by a
thin layer of earth, unable to express
itself, to wreak havoc upon the earth.

it’s passion is bottled up, its fear is contained,
his fury is sealed, saved for another day
when it can express its emotion.
but now, the crust encases it like a weighted blanket