Your eyes circled
With shades of black
From the late nights
Of dealing with your monsters.
Life retreated from those blues
Many years ago.
I watched as the light faded,
Casting a dark shadow over your vision.
Death consumed the soul
You claimed you never had.
Becoming infatuated with the end
Than life itself.
Living for what tomorrow holds,
It wasn’t living at all.
Sensing your absence
Even when you were right in front of me.
You told me there is no God,
That this is all we have:
A cruel world
Crawling with greedy creatures.
People who have judged,
Took you in and threw you out,
Leaving scars and ghosts
That take residence in your mind.
There is no escape for you
Except by the means of a needle.
Apparently chemicals give you
Far more than I ever could.
You retreat into the darkness
The hole you dug yourself
Fleeing from the light.
From the world. From me.
Going through great lengths
I tried to save you.
But you didn’t want to be saved.
And you hated me for that.
The monsters escaped your closet.
No quarantine can save you now.
Because they not only reside in us
But in you as well.
You ask, “What’s the point
To this absurd life we lead?”
Constantly kicked to the ground
But this time, you can’t regain footing.
Exhausted by disappointment
Drained of emotion
You just want to end it all.
It would be easier, right?
You just want to feel loved, desired.
But babe, you are unable to see
How the blanket of intoxication
Blinds you from what’s before your eyes.
You say you hate everyone,
That no one understands.
Then who was I?
I was nothing to you.
I could have chose a simpler path,
Spare me this obnoxious ache.
Intrigued by this dangerous flame,
I was unable to resist.
I came too close,
Now scorched by the fire.
And I am unsure of when
This pain will subside.
With clear vision I can see
How our story will conclude.
Not only destroying yourself,
I will be capsized. I will be the one that loses.
You will end me,
My darling.
Take this knife from my chest
Before it sinks any further.
I’ve tried and I’ve tried.
You kept pushing me away.
So maybe this loneliness that accompanies you
Is more self-inflicted than realized.
I love you, my dear.
And that’s what makes this so difficult.
But I cannot continue searching for
What does not want to be found.
I can’t save you from yourself,
The monster that’s inside of you.
But I realized I can spare me
And I’m afraid that’s what I must do.
falling in love with a drug addict