i'm excluding your prescense,

writing black markers on heaven,

call demons all you want,

all I'm looking for is a good time.

and if i die in a dry grocery aisle,

know you're the only reason i cry,

not much else could keep me alive.

enough to watch me sink?

until i put away that ******* drink,

how i pour it in my mouth,

instead of a thirsty sink.

enough to tell you,

when i want to leave,

to see a better side of me?

your hands, I'll miss,

for just about eternity,

some day I'll turn in the keys,

call it life,

let it be.

until then I'll just bawl,

to nothing but a white wall,

wishing i couldnt wish at all.

how to fall in love with a stranger,

how to put my life in danger.

how to fist fight my neighbor,

to save my whole life for later.

to turn days,

into days I dont remember.

to turn four walls,

into things i don't want to remember.

how to love someone,

and never forget her.

mourning in silence,

an empty room hears the sighs,

the popping bottles and crying,

a fully accepted way to die.

tell me to stop,

like i promised i would.

i love you, i swear,

well, as much as i could.

you mean the whole world,

could you give me some space?

I've got some emotions,

and twelve buddies to chase.

this mirror is *****,

havent looked in a while,

if i glanced at it now,

all i'd see is your smile.

so calm all your demons,

swallow what hurts,

cause your life is a watch,

while your body just turns.

I'm lonely, and I've got a bit of time.

do you mind much if i hold your life,

for a second or a lifetime?

I'll squeeze you in the daylight,

even harder at night.

by the time i leave,

i'll leave your ego bruised,

and your skin ghost white.

then tomorrow, call it a good time,

for a second,

or a lifetime.

am i still on your mind?

or just a shiver in your spine,

a stubborn cold coming for your life.

am i just another line in this rhyme,

that evaded your caring eyes.

would you believe it if i told you,

that i dont quite mind,

when i'll lose it all in time,

one day, wherever,

i'll wake up,

without this headache of mine.

a five-word saying,

that will never see the light of day.

as important as our month in may.

and every day after every day after,

i pray i rise to the rafters,

to see your face in laughter.

your soul, I'll always hope I capture,

in whatever kind of drunken after.

i hope i find a happier feeling,

than falling in love with you.

leaning over a bed,

we made love in.

throwing my life into carpet.

trying to grow something dead.

once, i loved you instead,

turned your light into lead.

then all the alcohol went to my head.

losing everything,

until i was weak enough,

to call god instead.

but i dont know him,

like i knew you.

in a lifetime,

i'll learn to know you.

i see what you dont see anymore,

all i know is the floor.

bury me and take a little more.

sell the things i adored.

married to a pretty floor.

just too ******* tired of trying,

life made me a drunk, lover, and liar.

jesus gave me a mean smile,

but god set me aside.

my eyes are blind,

while the foam reach my knees.

I'm cursed from the thought,

that my eyes couldn't see,

another time i couldnt be.

said i would've said one more,

just to feel the breeze.

in time sobriety falls from the sky,

ill be more alive than a feeling in skin.

I'd probably cry when I knew when,

the rest of my life would begin.

but tonights not the same,

all the thoughts that I fight,

slowly fall in their flight

i'll be drunk until i feel alright.

i've taken the breath,

quite out of this quiet room,

to think of someone who isnt you.

our sin buries love,

unswept by the broom.

waiting diagnosis,

to prove I'm a loon.

loved drink,

more than a loved one.

nothing as heartbreaking,

as one who could never love you.

i learned and lost,

and left a soul,

to have everything and lose.

i was a fool to keep you here,

longer than you ever could have been.

i was a fool in sin.

something sparked something.

one day it wasn't you.

passing out to stay true,

i learned to love a different tune.

made great,

a great emotion,

that words could never show.

that helped me live a little longer.

blessed my foot with the snow,

that will always melt,

without a print to show.

for the moment I'll stare,

and learn to let go.

colors car-crash against my eyes,

roll them back,

into another pair of arms to call mine.

some call it love,

or something divine.

tonight, i'll call it luck,

a little part of my life.

some night,

the stars aligned,

then tore you from my life.

i blamed the moon,

that lit your face each night.

shook fists that had no fight,

just an empty grip,

and a white light.

a morning moon clings to night,

holding on to one more time.

disregard the blinding light,

love me on this other side.

hold me while my fingers try,

to find just where your soul had died.

i never would have changed,

left your trust in chains,

your pain will never leave me sane.

if the world was mine to change,

you would never hear my name.

I'd trade your love for all my pain.

I'd spare your tears to feel okay.

i don't remember,

half the things i should.

can't find your voice,

every first time.

the painful thought of just trying.

to hold us together,

to see you fly away.

maybe it was meant to be,

maybe it was time.

a feeling unforgotten for all my life.

the loss will always be a sign.

distract me from the stars,

sharpie the moon,

bury my soul inside this room.

the sheets are gone,

you would cringe at the floor,

i could count on both hands,

each time i have opened my door.

infinite are the slowest moments,

that i wish i was still yours.

for miles,

my heart will watch you afar.

not intact,

just a mind's eye away.

for miles,

i will die in each desert's day,

i will lie in every frozen night,

without comfort,

besides the midnight sky.

the things that shake my bones,

sowed in lights,

that aren't my own.

I marry promises,

i wish I showed.

but sin is nothing but a boat,

a menaced bite,

a midnight moan.

i built you,

out of loss.

a pain,

our love forgot.

a loving prayer that sings to me.

the thing I'd trade eternally,

a smile, i lived so miserably.

if only our worlds made more sense,

would you lay here,

instead of the other side of a fence.

i found happiness in emptiness,

every color illuminates the bottom.

shameless, shallow.

i know each word is madness,

giving up on the mouth that speaks it.

i see you in between the plains,

the sea softly saying stop.

nostalgic is your being,

i miss a dying love long decayed,

drinking just to picture your face.

the way you said my name,

hammered hearts remain the same.

I'll love it till my dying day.

does it slowly bubble up,

like water over drains?

is it dawn upon a white-room wall?

will it sway like our legs,

in a dying day?

a loving word,

lifting curses from a loved one's lips?

is it backroad watered dirt,

under a moonless night,

revived by the morning light.

a chipped tooth,

in another drunken fight.

or the thought to lose that loving sigh.

that treat such broken men kindly.

such millennial grief,

yet i cant forget what it means:

a good morning or good night,

another song you want me to sing,

the words 'here' at my doorstep,

simple moments that i cant forget.

'have a good day's' at work.

or you asking for a shirt.

but i sure miss you when i hurt.

the first night i kissed you,

an eternity, i have missed you.

i wish i stopped when i could,

early jokes, how i would marry you,

in a crowded wood.

call it a life,

that life would have been good.

but the stars still miss you,

and the moon adores you.

not as much as me,

with my drunken words,

and my shaky knees,

a dying fiend.

that hopes to see,

the one he loves,

before she leaves.

a small insanity still holds me,

but i wrangle less for you.

i breathe a little more,

a slowly closed door.

soon the ice will coat the frame.

safe and sound, sometimes tame.

i pray the day i lose your name.

some nights i still burn alive,

that silent illness i survive.

alcohol already there,

before you arrived.

i carry you where i go,

our first love throes.

a future i will never know.

i still cry beneath each fired glow,

bright eyes you used to show.

i'll still love you,

when your love goes.

every night I drink,

i want to die,

but i never do.

i always just wake up.

once,

i would have held the heaviest stone.

to have your love, so strongly sown.

instead i had to let you go.

your book,

i'll never finish.

i'll space the words,

as wide as the heavens.

spend years for a moment,

that was meant for mere minutes.

i drank until i saw the sky,

saw through all my **** lies.

saw the love of my life.

god, i get so sad all the time.

timid, like my heart,

it always lies.

sad and just a little shy.

i just want to write,

pretend the sun can shine.

her thoughts are always on my mind.

your soul, i hope, I'm soon to find.

your thoughts are always on my mind.

the sky you left behind,

the clouds and shapes,

i see your eyes.

each moon,

each night,

they hold my lies.

and their shadows dim,

time,

the kind to turn boys to men,

lonely only looking for a friend.

reach for fire

gainingredhands

they never heard my crow call,

cawing always drunkenawe.

all i need is them,
a grain of salt

selfinflictions, all my lovers ever saw.

once i loved a thing so pure

self-harmed, so sure.

always knew it was wrong.

i never meant my horrid thoughts,

to stain your outer thighs.

you took the stars,

you took your eyes.

no less, alike the heaven's sky.

so heavy, is that cloudy lie.

simple, still await an angel sigh.

i'll never find a better sleep,

than one in which the sun,

denies to bring your eyes up.

i'll squander in wonder,

where they ever went.

i wait for light to die down,

the kind that made me squint.

promise i could never keep.

i still hear your soul scream.

burned too bright to see,

tiny stars that would sing.

i spend sober days hating you,

just to love you at night.

what have i done,

but a million things that weren't me?

a million things replacing sleep.

a family felt far away,

their breathing down the street.

if i had my way,

i wouldn't be writing this.

no addiction will keep me here.

just pain,

a crass curiosity,

of what I could leave behind.

she spoke on the shore,

and i heard nothing,

but an ocean roar,

forever asking more.

a breath in the winter,

that summer would never let you say.

but tell me you love me,

and I'll be okay.

warm tears on a winter day,

certain seasons i can never forget,

but i won't forget May.

carry me, june,

far too scared to see you,

so let me be, i look to the moon.

let me love me,

and I'll let you love you.

the sun scratches your back,

the moon cools your face.

here i am,

in a sea of doubt,

you are all i have learned,

to live with out.

a lover's pledge,

that we pretend not to doubt.

quiet words we can't quite shout,

but it makes our hearts loud.

what is love,

but another broken crown?

words will never mend,

the things i lost,

the love i give.

addictions, how i give in.

shaking makes me less of a man.

can you see the white flag?

do you hang it on your wall?

does that make me someone after all?

my baby loves the moon,

eyes drowned in white,

while she slowly swoons.

i still hold it in my room.

my lover used to sing in tune.

chipping at her soft cocoon.

held her in the highest noon,

carried to the ground too soon.

widowed, once i played a fool.

ran her right down the spool.

loss is learning something new,

but nothing beats an 'i love you'

your hands were spades,

to dig my soul.

and what i saw,

i'll never know.

some company, while i grow old?

heavy love to make me fold?

neither,

just an empty hole.

i could never be in your arms for long.

forever on the sunset-lit backroad.

always in a halo-colored room.

staring blankly at a live screen.

wondering what my life means to me.

this blind eye,

that holds you abide.

choose a better love than i.

I'm a shelter fool.

that means nothing to nothing new.

carried and held,

a gentle hell.

love me till I know myself.

walk away and watch me breathe.

a simple stay away from me.