All the fear shook me.

Through me stood the darkness,
I didn't want to start this.

Journey upon me now,
I couldn't wonder how,
Met the curtain with no bow.

The laughter with no trace.
Beckoning with no face.
Worried with no mace.
Nervous without grace.

My strength did not endow,
My will would not allow,
My fear just hit me, wow.

So the walk I must finish,
All the glory to witness.

Mindfulness was the key.

So many questions, I dare ask why.
Boundless choices, I choose not to tie.

So many wonders under the sky,
Awaiting my view, but can I?

So many people I shall not pry,
Keep no secrets, tell no lie.

So many things I want to try,
All my desires I dare not deny.

From all the adventures I will not shy,
For one day I will die.

Some of my friends think I'm pretty cool,
But personally I just think I'm a fool.

I put on a mask for my daily life,
The real me just can't deal with the strife.

I try to befriend all of the girls and guys,
Changing my emotional appearance with lies.

Sometimes I feel as though it makes me strong,
Pretending all the time just to get along.

It's one of few things I don't get tired of,
Giving off a facade of unconditional love.

Maybe I do this solely for me,
Pretending to be the man I want to be.

Perhaps that's not the case at all,
As with diminutive effort, I still don't fall.

Suppose I pretend to be what they want of me?
I imitate the person they want to see,
Its odd to think that it comes naturally.

So this leaves me pondering my actions and motivation.
An internal fray that leads to mental evasion.
The avoidance not turned by logic or persuasion.
Over time this has left an emotional abrasion.

Who, then, Am I?
Am I just a lie?
Or a real guy?

In that moment it all made perfect sense,
Music was the answer, how could I be so dense.

The rhymes and phrases began to steadily flow,
A feeling so unfamiliar, it picked up quite slow.

Magical waves of distortion in the air,
I no longer felt the need to care,
No sadness, no anger, no one could scare,
Like an emptiness and fullness of everything there.

It picked up with an intensity that was bound to fade,
An impression of permanence upon my soul it made.

The song began to fade, with my attention along,
I knew my intention-inspiration would soon be gone.

So I write these words in hopes of expressing a unique experience,

But before I was done, the song ended.

And there you were again,
And with you that blissful pain.

So happy, and yet blue,
I always plan, but never know what to do.

You're the one I want to stay,
But time and time again you get away.

I woke up hopeful yesterday,
I cannot say the same today.

I mulled it over in my head,
This is the way it should be said.

So much to lose, so much to gain,
How can I help but want to stay the same.

I woke up cheerful yesterday,
Things did not happen the intended way.

We smiled and laughed the whole time,
We had an adventure, it was sublime.

So much to see, so much to do,
And yet today I am feeling blue.

I woke up happy yesterday,
But now I'm not, to my dismay.

At days end I had my chance,
Tell her how I feel, ask her to dance.

But instead I just let her go,
Again I did not let my emotions show.

I woke up ready yesterday,
For a game I just couldn't play.

I want to, but I don't know how.
Always thinking next, never doing now.
You're a mystery and an enigma all in one, Things would be simpler had we not such fun.

Anticipation has me over-thinking,
Over-analyzing, forever sinking.
Over and over I've weighed this through,
Be silent or finally act, what will I do?
Will this time I divulge my thought?
Or yet again my words be caught?

Yearning to find out if there may be something more,
But hold back so you won't shut the door.
As friends we've really had a blast,
Worried if I open my mouth it won't last.

Times about up for there to be a "we",
I suppose now its all up to me.
Searching for the answer, what shall I see?
Time to find out how this should be.