Stand up for what?
To collapse back down
my ankles turn to water
whenever you're around
I can't stand up
when i don't know what i stand for
like my brain is in the clouds
but my heart is on the **** floor
or a platform
my face is in a sandstorm
and i can't form words
with my lips between your teeth
our bodies now declare war
and my throat begets a siren
that your backbones can't ignore
your shoulders hold me down
while i beg for
just
a
little
bit
more

I could fly kites
In the wind
You ******* away with
I could surf the waves
In the bay
You drift me away in
& I could stand still
In the thrill
You fill up so quickly
Or hold tight
To the chest
That takes my breath away
Swiftly

liar you lie there
like a prey-hunting-spider
waiting for flies
or half-blind admirers
in your web made of falsehoods
your heart's hard like fossils
I thought it would feel good
until I laid down horizontal
but it was only partially harmful
because I too get rather hostel
once I gargle what you marvel in
and swallow all your awful

I'd like to exhale the frail spell I put upon you
Remove your bells so I can't hear you coming
& I could refrain from being distant
cause missing you is listed
under categories of feeling numb
but i can't explain why i'm so **** inconsistent
cause deep down I know you'll leave and i'll lose you
and soon enough when I can't breathe
it'll be because the words stuck in my throat won't loosen
cause only you loosen me up
& i feel tied down to this

I lost all my thoughts 

in a knot 
when I saw her

my brains playing games 

a dropped jaw

and i slobbered
Her face is a maze

I’m amazed when she smiles

I get lost in this cause

& in her eyes 
I run miles
that neck

now i’m wrecked

in between both her shoulders 

I want badly to sip

from her lungs 

and to hold her
My eyes follow paths

down her back 

and I ponder 

to turn my eyes into hands

a lascivious squander

Falling i’m falling

it all happened so fast

we fall out and fall in 

until the ins and outs are our past

does it last

will i crash 

do i plummet and plunder 

can i grasp what i lack 

w i t h o u t going straight under 

I wonder

and stumble 

then tumble 
and trip

i need to stand up

without losing my grip

but i slip 
when i stand 

and break what i’m holding

now my grip doesn’t fit 

and i’m left holding nothing

I found
Your heart
B e a t i n g
Under your t-shirt
So
Finders k e e p e r s
You keep me your secret
When I'm not kept easy
& it burns

I tried climbing into the mind of blind mime who told me what time it was
he told me that time flies
But to strive as a writer
Even when your writing *****
I told him alright
That I'd sit tight and write about him
He couldn't see me but he said he saw a bright light and knew it belonged to both of us

My mind is playing head games
I'm trying to calculate the waves
and in all the ways your name slays
like a delayed phrase
a constant dazed phase
you're in my veins
strapped tightly to my rib-cage
you're trying to read me like a book
but you haven't flipped my title page
you engage the rage that I hate
and that hits me like a freight train
chest bones now exposed
and my brain cannot communicate
I could try to turn you off
and in my reign you'd still illuminate

expect me to believe that i'm any different
when I know you say the same things
to all of these women
I know you use the same eyes to look right into them
I know you used the same arms to guide them through the room
and
i know i'm not a queen
but I know what I am
and trust me girl
i'm not some flag waving fan
i'm not a woman or a man
I know exactly where i stand
I hear how you speak
& I see your hands where they land
like i'm a map
& you've been everywhere but Maine
but won't Maine be the same as LA or as Spain?
if all you do is take a train and explain with different names
like this love will be different
when you don't feel the same
it's insane and it pains me
to believe what you say
when every time that we speak
you have long stories to explain
i'm not ashamed to take blame
for the confusion and i'll claim it
but don't act like i am yours
when you're wrapped up in my blankets

Pouring whiskey down my neck
like what the heck
***** you're reckless
you ain't fancy
wearing liquor like a necklace
you're suppose to be growing
you're acting so feckless
you haven't crossed one word
off that to do or that checklist
you're infectious
and not like a smile
but more like a pile
of junk
stung out
for miles and miles
it's wild to me that you pretend to defend
the fact that this woman is not just your friend
in the end I recommend you extend your arm farther
before you end up to be just like your father
it's getting harder for me to act like I'm not bothered
when i'm talking to myself here
and i'm not getting stronger
i'm alone and i'm scared
i'm not prepared to be slaughtered
with all this fighting going on
it's not making me smarter
but i'm using my weight this time
and i'm hitting much harder
i just did another shot
i guess tonight i need armor

Like the clouds
I’m just floating

I change shape without 
knowing

just floating

i’m doting

misquoting myself

i’m smoking 
and blowing 

d e c o d i n g 
m y s e l f 

but probably just smoking

and joking myself 

i’m really just s m o k i n g 
and
choking myself

empty space between each f i n g e r 

the air that floats between every strand of hair

dancing around your face

countless freckles

on boundless skin 

we are shapes 

and i just want to fit somewhere 

beside you

the representative of insensitive 
needs what kind of incentive?

to be bigger than this 
without risking intention?

i’m wishing she’d listen

how I wish she would l i s t e n 

to the thoughts that i drop 
on her deaf comprehension 

she swallows discretion 

she f o r g e t s to mention 

about her horns that grow thorns 

that envelope her dimensions

This heavy mind of mine frightens me
If I become blind to this fright
before night falls maybe I'll get some sleep
I tried to find you in my dreams
But my sheets got the best of me
If I'm not fighting to find answers then how can i rescue me?

I'll stop shaking
So maybe our lines can meet
so when your teeth meet my meat my tongue will stop you from breathing deep
and my mind will remind you of all the times I was so deep
I could carve my name in your frame with my nails on your heartbeat

I can’t plant my thoughts straight

the garden-bed in my head looks more and more like a moss plague 

this facade fades 
as her faces breaks 
into gray shades 
like a clay stain

it’s a disdained slain

when my brain frames

the notion

of being a train chained to an airplane

I sit quiet
trying to describe
the thoughts on my mindset
but i'm silent
and my thoughts aren't quite sounding right yet
and my silence is being charged as a knife
like a forged threat
now i'm forced to regret
everything i just said
and i'm stuck on the fence
does this make me defenseless ?
am i lost if i don't know where e x a c t l y this fence is?
it's senseless to me to defend all of my mentions
I'm just trying to find truth
behind these false pretenses