what's life
but
p i l e s  of
memory-adding-distraction;
distracting how to
react
when all of these
memories try & attack them ||
now
we are
forgetting forgetting
is easy
like
adding and
halving up
decimal fractions

I'm crawling through
spaces
smaller than me
& I'm stealing
deep breaths
when it gets
too hard to
breathe
I've fallen too fast
made a fool out of speed
& found
you'd never match
the love
I have for *me

how I'm all but
suffocated
by the story of her
wake
& somehow she is always
busy;
I've crawled so far
out of my way

I cannot stand to
sit and listen
to my heartbeat falling faint
its own pulsation makes me dizzy
& veins paint painfully her face


so I can call it quitting
now that everything's turned grey
& all my cannot haves are useless
just like, loving you this *way

I only felt that way waking up with her
& I've shared my bed plenty
it's nothing I can pin point either
[at this point]
it's like,
a knife is a knife
I guess she's just that type of woman
so stunning, her stubborn beauty
demanding love
& me, one of the ones drowning for it

is it still poetry if I beg ?
a n d
am I desperate for mixing
divine with insteads ?

baby. I still have two legs ;
i could run to you

I can still make you laugh
I am in love with you

if what's done is done
I won't punish you
should you ever come back
girl I'd run to you

my dear
please
tell me what you'd do
if you were me
&
I were you ?
now
take your head out of the
ground &
put both feet inside my shoes;
it is defeat and even ruin
this thing most often,
you've been doing
to the organs that I need
still you're my
favorite bleeding being;
yet you'd never take the time
to understand
some of my why's
& all the reasons I can't find
reiterate inside my mind
that your heart's no longer mine
and in the morning maybe I
can find that somehow
I'll be fine

& I hope
that
somehow starts tonight